I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Why? Why? Remind me again

It's afternoon and evenings like today's that leave me wondering why I don't just use punishments. Why don't I just use threats. Why don't I just bribe my way out of this shit. 

I need a reminder. I'm still waiting for it. I am holding faith that I will be shown a reminder in some way or another. 

Ellie is all out of sorts at the moment and it's stumping me. There are several things going on for her and I am having trouble unravelling. Maybe its just a virus

One thing is she is over exuberant (rough) with Millie and it occasionally freaks me out. Even though I know she loves her and thinks the world of her, I sometimes get these 'Of Mice and Men' moments. I have tried explaining how she is so little and that you can tell she doesn't like it and it's important to listen to her. I have been as calm as possible in the circumstances. I have tried to show her different ways. And much to my disappointment I have shouted. Nothing seems to work. She knows. She totally just loves her SO much and wants to show it with hugs kisses and smooshes, she sometimes forgets that Millie is still tiny and fragile. She has really been trying harder to be less 'exuberant' it's just such a difficult concept for her to grapple with. 

Just because I parent the way I do doesn't mean that I say yes all the time. Funnily enough Maia has been asking me for a few days now to be the kind of mum that says yes to everything. She wants a yes day. I read about 'yes days' a while ago I admit I love the idea and when they were younger it was SO much easier to say yes to things.  I get the feeling behind it but frankly I'm too scared to do that kind of thing nowadays!! Maybe it's just what we need. 

Ellie is really angry with me for saying no to the ice cream van. She went on a rampage around the house making a mess in every room. I didn't interfere. She was not in the mood for words. She wanted action. Big mess up the house type action. I left her to it. Turns out grandma had also said no to an ice lolly earlier. It was all just too much. I suspect there is more to this outburst than just ice cream but I can't get to the bottom of it. 

Afterwards, I give her lots of cuddles and validation of her anger. She is not really in the mood for that either. I tidy up as much as possible and ask for some help with her bedroom rampage. She is not up for that just now. In fact it took until the next day and a bit more encouragement and offers of me helping her and then a family tidy session before she finally helped. She even invited all the street friends for a tour of our house and wasn't bothered in the slightest with the state of her room!! She just loved showing them round! I should take a leaf out of her happiness book.

I remember an hour beforehand that I am meant to be going out. It's been a long time since I have been out of an evening and am torn between can't be bothered and the girls are to flooby. I decide the girls are too flooby and make my escape with Millie!! Hubby manages brilliantly and he gets them to sleep too!! Wonders will never cease. It never seems worth going out if I have to come home to mayhem and non-sleeping children but they are old enough now though that I feel comfortable leaving them at bedtime.

I had a great evening of being able to talk and think all at the same time. It's a wonderful feeling!! Hubby also manages to go out when I get home. So it's win win all round tonight. 

Meltdowns - house suffered from this one
Losing the Plot -on an upslide 
Breastfeeding - on an upslide too

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