I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Sunday, 18 July 2010

She said I Said

She wouldn’t listen to me
She never listens to me
if I ask something of her
She immediately will do the opposite
or immediately do what i ask her not to

She is constantly pushing me
and i don’t have anything...
I don’t hit
I don’t threaten
I don’t punish
I don’t coerce
I just ask and expect some team work
Some kind of cohesion
So we can go about our day
without this constant struggle

Meltdowns - on the increase
Losing the Plot - on the increase
Breastfeeding - on the increase

Default Shouty Mama

I just feel that if I am 'human' that is, as in how my continuum was...shouting, coercive, bribing, mean, cheeky, huffy, stompy, uncalm, authoritarian, sarky, narky, impatient, uncoping etc. would not be in it.  All the things I am when I don't CHECK myself scare me. It is becoming more and more normal to NOT be this way but it is still a struggle at times and I have to work HARD not to react and be this way. Then I remember all the stuff I have read and think 'oh bugger, I am fucking the kids up again!'

I am not a default calm and serene and sweet and wonderful and joyful type mother my default is not a pretty sight and I know it makes things harder and horribler in the long run to be like this, so I arm myself with all this knowledge and information hoping it will sink in and make me STOP and think...'there is a better way of handling this, I know there is others have paved the way and shown me it can be done.  Diets have changed, people are more aware of healthier, exercise etc people know things now....I know these things now, I don't want to ignore them.  I am fearful of what might happen if I ignore them.  It makes sense to me, of course the loving, gentle and joyful approach is going to create a connective and joyful and loving relationship and the other way...well I believe the articles I read, I've seen the results and I just don't think in the long run that it works.

This kind of parenting is not easy for me  because I have not had the experience of it in my life before, it is not what we as a society are used to and the more I read the more I learn and realise how much I need to change

Meltdowns - help move things forward
Losing the Plot - help clear the air
Breastfeeding - helps with the other two

Saturday, 17 July 2010

Reject that life

Andrew Smith says To Kill A Mocking Bird challenges our habit of prejudging people and it lays bare the courage needed to reject prevailing opinion in favour of real understanding

Meltdowns - Losing the Plot - Breastfeeding -

(Blog post random thoughts written 2010 but never published till now.)