I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Nine months in nine months out IS brilliant

Did you just respond on my wall claiming nonsense on something you know absolutely nothing about? Life is precious and nothing more so than having a life grow inside me. Me!! I am capable of growing an amazing precious incredible life. Sustaining life is bloody hard work. A life that takes over your whole self and being. A small life that changes everything. Changes who you were and who you become. Nine months sustaining life. Nurturing and growing. Attached to me, feeding from me, experiencing, feeling and hearing through me. My whole self consumed by life. Preparing for that incredible journey to begin life outside. In the real world. So excuse me for wanting to celebrate that and the juxtaposition of the same amount of time outside of me. And the incredible fact that even though she is not inside me anymore, she is still attached to me in ways you may *never* understand. Still sustained and kept alive by me and my awesome life giving boobs of sustenance. Still experiencing life. The 'real world' and still doing that from the safe comforting secure confines of me and now my family.

(I feel I must point out that its not *exactly* nine months but I gave birth, I'm allowed poetic license. When you give birth (or have a baby with someone) then you can revel in your own unawesomeness and benign worth)

Saturday, 15 December 2012

Makes no sense. Or does it?

It's about more than gun control laws. It's about more than 'mental health crazies' with guns. It about the brass tacks of connection and bonding. It goes right back to the womb. It goes beyond. It's about broken continuums and broken lives. It's about breaking the cycle. It's about changing the tone.

It's about not using violent coercive threatening punishing ways to raise our children. Its not about being more disciplined with time outs and spankings and threats of depravity.

It's about finding the compassion. Making the connection. Taking the time. Sharing the responsibility. Supporting each other and knowing your boundaries.

Thursday, 13 December 2012

Is it worth it?

45mins to get dressed and out
30mins outside
45mins (at least) of which was spent in meltdown mode

Was it worth it?
You bloody tell me!

The girls have been ill since the dawning of time and we haven't been out the house for days. I tried my very very very hardest to remain calm and upbeat and keep it an enjoyable event. Sometimes though, there is nothing stopping you meltdown and me plot losing.

You know we are going out. You see we are getting dressed. I helped you get your vest and jumper on. You chose not to wear extra stuff. I helped you get your snow trousers on. You chose to watch more of the film. You heard me say lets go and you got your boots on. I helped you get your coat on. You refused help to zip it up. You decided not to wear a hat. You chose to watch some more of the film

You CANNOT then turn round and have a meltdown because I leave the house. But you do. After spending the last 45minutes getting everyone ready to go out you cannot also say that you didn't know we were going. But you do.

You haven't got your gloves on and you want me to come back in and pick them up off the floor, and you refuse to come out until I pick them up and put them on for you. Shrieking all the time.

I have Millie in the sling on my front, we are wearing three million layers and I can't bend properly. I can't do front carry for long these days as it pulls too much but I wanted to see Millie's face (she's not well I want to keep an eye on her comfort and temp levels)

Yes I'm going to lose the plot at that point and start walking away thus making it clear I am NOT going to do this one for you. Yes I am muttering and raving about yet another trip turning into a difficulty.

Even tho I then do help to put them on you, once you have picked them up and followed me outside, you cannot then have another meltdown and whinge that I didn't help you get dressed and you are cold. I did help. A lot. Just because your sister has three pairs of socks on and you don't, doesn't mean I love her more. She put them on herself.

Not to mention the complaining that there wasn't enough ice. Then pushing your sister off the only frozen puddle

So I ask you again. Was it worth it?

Well. The dog got some exercise. First time in 3days. So it was worth it for the dog. We all got some fresh air. So that can't be bad. Some of the water balloons have frozen, so that was cool.

I know how many layers to put them in tomorrow.

Course it was worth it!!!  < Weary smiley .>

Meltdown - seriously annoying and unjustified
Losing the plot - could have been worse but wasn't pretty. Acknowledged my meanness.
Breastfeeding - not outside. Not today anyway.

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Salt of the Earth

It fascinates me that for years it's been drummed into us that salt is bad for us. Don't eat so much. Cut down. Cut out. When in actual fact it's completely wrong!!! It's just processed white table (the type that most people eat) salt that's bad for us. I'm starting to learn more about alternatives and it turns out we actually need salt! Natural salt (rock salt, Himalayan pink or Celtic grey) is totally great and needed. Of course salt is needed. Our body needs salt. Our body is made up of it, among many things. Salt.

"We all need a little bit of salt because it helps our body's cells to absorb nutrients. However, the majority of us eat about two-and-a-half times as much salt than we need." NHS

". . .all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And, when we go back to the sea. . . we are going back to whence we came." -John F. Kennedy

One of the problems is the amount of salt. Most people eat a diet that has a lot of processed foods and these foods already have a lot of processed salt in them. Add more processed salt to that and hey presto an illness waiting to happen.

Tides are changing, people are becoming more aware and foods are being made with less salt and more herbs and natural flavours.

So how much salt does the body need? Experts say 6g a day. With the natural pink or grey, these figures become less worrisome. Use what is needed. You'll soon find that once you start cutting down on processed table salt, your taste buds will rejoice and resurface!!

You know what I can't wait for? The rest of society to catch up, realise low-fat is unhealthy, diet anything is *wrong*, organic natural fat/butter is better than its highly processed counterpart and for healthy natural foods to become readily available and affordable. Soon, everyone will realise organic is just the tip if the iceberg.

I have a long way to go on the mind changing food revolution. I get it though and I believe in it. My nemesis is sugar.

I have similar thoughts on allopathic medicine. Alternatives and ancient methods are starting to seep back into our very mainstream methods. We are returning to the old ways more and more and we are realising how over medicalised everything is. Every day I read stories in the mainstream news extolling the virtues of alternatives over allopathic and I literally do a 'told you so' dance.

One day we really will all 'get with the program!' And realise what's good for us.

Some of the millions of Links used for research:

Sunday, 9 December 2012

Wrong indignation

Seriously. Unless the woman actually had HIV or hepatitis I can't see why they would need to test as a precautionary measure. Seems completely unnecessary, invasive and a major over reaction.

Another reason why mothers and babies should NOT be separated in hospital but come on. Another Mothers Breast milk (donated milk) is one of WHO's top recommendations, above formula. And there is evidence that breast feeding has a reduced risk of HIV transmission from mother to baby anyway.

I would rather my kid was breastfed by accident than formula fed. Just one bottle can rearrange gut flora with a negative outcome.

Such a shame that such a furore is made about breastfeeding other babies. It used to be common practice. The baby probably got some brilliant antibodies and immunity!

Ok. So it wasn't consensual. Ok. It was a terrible error of... Admin? Nursing ability? But it's not the end of the world.  I found it more depressing that she was formula feeding whilst lamenting that her baby had been given precious gold breastmilk.

Like I said. Mothers and baby's need to be kept together. 


Changing or taking them off?

I need to change again. I need to get naked!!! no! Wait. Haha my autocorrect changed that to naked (I have no idea how?). I am sure I was going to say, I need to get back to how I used to be. When I was trying harder, making more of an effort, to be nicer, to be gentler and more connecteder to others but especially my kids. How do I get that back? 

I mean it wasn't like I was the paragon of virtue. But I felt happier with the way I was speaking to my kids and the way we were speaking to each other. I felt more comfortable about my interactions with them and the way they were interacting with me. I was feeling less irritated by their presence and they were less annoyed with me. I don't want my children to feel unwanted. Unworthy. Unloved. Not listened to. Unhappy.

Sometimes I am Unprocessed. I need to get back on track and process my shit because I think I am passing it on to my kids. They don't need mine on top of everything else they need to process. I need to be their constant. Constant. Love. Constant rock. Constantly understood, listened to and heard. Connected.

Getting naked could be the answer ;)

Meltdowns - none. Too excited about Chanukah
Losing the plot - minor one at family gathering. All sorted.
Breastfeeding - soooooooo much. Tooth coming in.

Friday, 7 December 2012

And so it begins. Strike Two?

Ok. Friends. Analyse this :-
( be brutal. Ok no. Be whatever is two below on the scale of brutal!!!)

At mums. Been slowly building relationship back up since last mahasoove blowout in October. But in that 'not treading on toes way'.

Mum: "it's not Chanukah already is it?. We just did Ellie's birthday. "


(We were talking about Maia's Chanukah present.)

Fuck me. I was a paragon. I said nothing. Except. Really I should have. Should I have? Is this my pattern? Do not say anything. Let is slide. Let it build. Pressure cooker. S.Trike threeee. Lose my cool. Have a fight. Grrrr for bit. Slowly make up. Ad infinitum.

Or am I psychologising again? Am I being over sensitive. Is there something wrong with me? Am I depressed?

" What's your problem" ?!!! (Once said to me as a greeting....erm. Hello to you too). I digress.

Actually her comment did not elicit the same reaction as it might have previously. Outrage. Indignation. Disgust. But should it have gone completely unnoticed, glossed over, like strike one? (Strike one is too heinous to divulge but...it was my birthday, I didn't hear it first hand and frankly I couldn't be arsed at the time. I had life to be getting on with)(I've not forgotten though!)

I'm certain I should have been NVC  in that situation but for the life of me I am unable to think that way around her. Think how she is thinking. Imagining where those thoughts are coming from. That simply because it was Ellie's birthday 12days ago (could seem like 4 to her because family party was 4 days ago) means "I am entitled to begrudge getting something for my other granddaughter for Chanukah".

Okay. Now I am getting angry. I'm going to stop thinking about it anymore!! Maybe I am psychologising too much.

I'm just glad Maia is a bit hard of hearing (due to cold) at the moment. What would she have heard?

'I'm not getting a Chanukah gift from grandma because it was Ellie's birthday the other day. ' ???

Now I know present giving should not be equated with love and worth and all tied up in that conditionality...but it's Chanukah. It's her granddaughter. Who doesn't love a present?

Not that she would EVER do it anyway, but why fucking say it?!

Shit. I said I wasn't going to talk about it again!!

Meltdowns : massive one in Morrisons. (Will tell that story)
Losing the plot: resounding NO!
Breastfeeding: getting out and about again. I've been missing my supermarket feeds whilst sitting on the toilet rolls in the toilet roll aisle. (The bigger the store, the comfier the seat!)

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Play the game mummy

Most days a way to connection is staring me straight in the face. I get given the opportunity and I rarely take it. I am resistant to it in fact.

The girls play babies. They want me to be their mother. I thought I already was?? They want me to baby them.
They want me to carry them and hold them and take care of their every single needs and love them like a baby.

"When we play babies and I'm the mother what do I have to do?"
"You just have to be a *normal* mother" says Maia

They want me to treat them how a baby is treated because....because.... probably because I was nicer to them when they were babies? I didn't ask/nag. I didn't shout (much). I didn't ask them to bring their own plate through after dinner or, G-d forbid, dress themselves. I didn't make them wait.

"Do everything for them until they want to, or until they can, do it themselves but even then they might not want to so you have to anyway" Is that an accurate description of a mother? Would that be acceptable in their game? I think not.

I knew what to do then. (Except back then I felt like I didn't.) Hold them. Love them. Feed them milk. Give them my boob. That was pretty much it for a very long time!!!

Now, They are 6 and 4. Not babies. They are growing up and now, now I have no clue how to be their mother aside from the holding. The loving. The feeding. There is SO much more to it and wow it's hard. This is more than just the holding. The loving. That kind of connecting. It's way more complicated. This is a whole nother level.

This way to connection, this way to fill their cup, it's staring me straight in the face. It's so obvious. I know that. But fuck me I'm tired! I'm resistant because I already am the mother and I'm finding it damn hard. Why would I want to play *that* as a game??!

Sometimes I do play. They love it.

Other times, they want me to be the popcorn lady.

Meltdowns - special kind of growing up ones
Losing the plot - trying SO very hard at moment not to
Breastfeeding - still working!