I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Sunday, 25 October 2015

Articles on diabetes


Diabetes Type 2

It's been over five months since my type2 diabetes diagnosis and in that time I have managed to lower my blood levels from 9.7% to 5.8% Normal blood level is below 5.5. I have lost 4kg as well. Mainly it has been from stopping eating the massive amounts of chocolate but I've also been slowly tidying up my diet.

I am really really terrible with numbers so understanding the levels and food numbers has been a bit of a mindfuck for me. 

Among the NHS advice is to keep sugar below 5g for everything that you eat. So when the label says carbohydrates - 'of which sugar' I was making sure it was always below 5g. This doesn't take into account that if there is high carbohydrates in the food it is still going to affect my blood sugar. 

The medicine is lowering my blood sugar but it is not stopping the massive dump of insulin into my body when I consume too many carbs. So my blood sugar spikes high and the medicine lowers it. Apparently the high spikes over 7.8 cause small irrevocable damages to your organs which over time contribute to complications associated with diabetes.  So even though my overall blood sugar levels are going down, I am still getting readings that are considered too high and could cause damage. 

In order to work out the percentage of 'potential sugar baddies' in my food, I was introduced to this formula:-

In 100g of food......Carbohydrates multiplied by 4 then divided by calories then multiplied by 100. 

So roughly, 

If the result is below 50 it's sort of ok

If the result is below 30 it will potentially stop cravings since high carb fills you up for less time. 

Basically, the lower the better

NHS guidelines recommend 180g of carbohydrates a day but in order to lower and maintain blood sugar levels without the eventual need for medication, there is a school of thought that suggests eating around 65g of carbohydrates a day is what is required. 

There are a lot of people who believe the NHS blood sugar levels guidelines are too high and is merely maintained with medication but doesn't address the underlying issue of high blood sugar spikes. So diabetics are maintaining their levels way above an actual healthy level which causes longer term health issues. These people manage to lower their blood to non diabetic levels by lowering their carb load. 

Right now, there is lots in the mainstream news regarding taxing sugar because they are now beginning to think that although heart disease and failure is the one that's killing, it's sugars that's precipitating the problems. 

There is a lot of science that I haven't quite got my head round but for now it means no bread no pasta no potatoes and minimal root vegetables  including carrot and sweet potato which although has less than normal potato is still high. 

It also means getting back to way more actually real cooking and away from easy ready cooked processed meals that I've slipped back to because they tend to be high in carbohydrates. 

It means I'm reigning in even more. Tightening my belt again and buckling down to finally sorting out my diabetes. 

It's seriously damn hard especially with kids who won't eat anything I eat and an equally picky husband. The kids are always hungry because they have a very high carb diet. I am going to try for the old if it's not in the house they can't eat it solution, but they get it all at school. In fact I am sure the school already think I starve them because Ellie is always scoffing seconds and thirds. 

It's becoming clear the high carb diet problem has been around since I was a child but that also genetically I was high risk. 

My brother has completely buried his head in the sand over his type2. He hasn't had an HBA1C for a very long time to check his overall blood health. I'm not sure if he is taking his medicine. He's started getting the peripheral nerve damage associated with diabetes. He is still eating lots of takeaways and drinking alcohol. He doesn't smoke and does do exercise which will help but it's not enough. 

 I want to say to my him:- "dad got diabetes then had heart failure, then organ failure then died. Stop messing about with your health"

So, when did you last get your HBA1C checked to see how your overall blood health is doing? Have you ever checked your blood sugar levels one hour after eating high carbs/sugar, then two hours to see how your body deals with it

Saturday, 17 October 2015

If music be the food of love

Music was a big part of my life before kids.  Listening to on repeat, dancing to on repeat, singing to on repeat!!! I always had a song that defined my huge feelings of the time. I'd like to get my music groove back. Without the hands covering my mouth if I dare to sing loudly or the kid pulling at me to stop dancing!!

Sheryl Crow was the soundtrack to my life at a time when I was in transition. About twenty years ago some life devastating thing happened...I can't remember exactly when it was so it could have been one of these..Split from long term boyfriend....dad died......no job...terrible time with housemates.....finished uni, no where to live, nowhere to be or probably a combination of all of that. I stayed with a friend. She was amazing. She had two kids Summer and another with a great name. She was lovely and kind and took me in when I needed refuge. She was from Jersey or Guernsey. I can't believe I can't remember her name or how long I stayed. Maybe it was only a week. Maybe longer. Where did we met? Maybe she was on my course. I can't remember details. Only feelings. (I'm now going to find old diaries and phonebooks to see if I have her name and old address!)

I remember I was being utterly depressed and incapable of anything much and I remember listening to the songs from Sheryl Crow album over and over and over and over and over and over.  I was probably a nightmare person to live with and she probably got rid of me quick smart but all I remember was a hippy vibe of love and acceptance. 

I remember thinking the song was written for me right now, predominantly about the split.  Now, as I listen to it for the first time in ages I think it's relevant right now for being the mother of a toddler and other kids. Lots of kids. So many kids. (Ellie's favourite song at the moment is Little Girls from Annie.) Mainly it's the toddler though. We are fighting. She is angry with me. She is hitting me. She is annoyed with me. She says the word in such a brilliant way... I am AnnOYed at you...and she really is. I'm guessing it's the milk reduction for sake of sanity that I have recently implemented. It could be other things too. Could be the wrong spoon. Or could be the singing. It's toddlerness. 

I've had a friend here and hubby took Friday off, so I've spent a majority of my time being busy and making every possible effort NOT to deal with Millie because we are fighting too much at the moment. I've needed a sanity break. I so needed it and I'm so relieved my friend and hubby were able to provide it. 

Whilst I was listening to the album, Millie came in ready for bed.  I have not seen her much these past few days and I desperately knew we needed to reconnect. 

I really do. I want that person back. I used to be such a fun person to be around. I'll make up for it right now I thought. Glow in the dark make up and one freaked out toddler later I'm having second thoughts about this fun mum moment. Now she's whining I want to go to bed and I'm trying to find fun to remind myself I used to be interesting. It's a losing battle. 

Milk wins. She's tired. My timing sucks as ever. 

As we connect on a cellular boob level I ask for her to look at me. Look in my eyes Millie. 

I love you I tell her as she drifts into breastfeeding bliss. 

I have to believe it will all work out beautifully.
It has to. 

Meltdowns - too many to mention 
Losing the plot - too embarrassed to mention
Breastfeeding - too much too much Dear Lord it's too much 

*Edit: Since starting writing this and finishing it a few hours later, I've remembered her name was Deborah. 

Saturday, 3 October 2015

🎡That old devil called......🎡

Ok I think we need to formulate a care plan. 

Yes yes let's do that but I'm not leaving Millie if she is upset

Well, I think you need to be the leader here. Look at all the other kids settled in.  You may need to use a bit of tough love. 

Ok. I'm not using any type of tough love, I parent a totally different way so I'm not using the other kids as a measure.  I'm not prepared to leave her if she isn't ready as it will cause more problems in long term. 

Millie, come and have ten seconds milk and then I'm going to go and walk the dog. Ok?

....milk...ok mummy you can go now. Bye.

She is always ok for me to leave if it's on her terms. I won't leave unless she is ok with it.

The pressure to abandon is immense.

It's when she says 'I wasn't ready for you to leave yet mummy' when I come back. πŸ’”
I know some will think the use of the word abandon is ott....

I don't really think its abandonment btw, I know the staff are lovely. I know I'm not actually leaving her in a box on the street corner. It's Millie who feels it though, it's Millie that needs to get used to it and it's me that cops it! No coincidence her behaviour at home is radically different now to at nursery. And believe it or not I am not self sabotaging or projecting or unconsciously seeping my thoughts into her brain and manipulating her brain in some way. Oh would that I could!! 

I actually would quite like a couple of hours. 

But I have to admit that there gets a point where the effort to preserve Millie's future esteem can become...what's the word?....

The upping of connection need is intense. 

Meltdowns - aaalll over the place from everyone must be changing seasons
Losing the Plot - made conscious effort to remain calm and not annoyed this evening. It worked well. Connection repaired. 
Breastfeeding - milks sleeping. Resting. Having a break. Broken. Ok just ten seconds. What else will make you feel as much comfort and connection? Seriously you can't think of anything???