I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Thursday, 28 April 2022

Dear Inner Child

Hello little me

Dance freely wee one, I'm sorry your mum and dad didn't foster your obvious love of dancing.

I'm sorry you were pushed down paths by well meaning people.

I'm sorry you weren't strong enough to stand up for yourself

I'm sorry you were allowed to watch a scary program with the babysitter which resulted in nightmares for months
I'm sorry your mum was always in bed when you got home from school.

I'm sorry you felt unheard.  

I'm sorry you were physically and mentally bullied by your brother and nothing was ever done to help you.

I'm sorry your sister and brother found a nickname for you and teased you relentlessly for a very long time.

I'm sorry you lost your security blanket called a batty. I'm sorry your mum tried to make you get rid of it and probably hid it.

I'm sorry life changed so drastically for you after your sister's sexual assault. You weren't aware of what had actually happened but you certainly felt the stress and anguish and fear your parents laid upon you.

You somehow learned that being the good quiet girl kept you under the radar but it made you minimise yourself and people have been asking you to do that to yourself ever since.

I'm sad that your secondary school years were such a shambles, with no friends anymore and constant bullying which was never really resolved properly.

I'm sorry there was so much pressure on you to be as clever as other people or to be thinner or prettier or faster or smarter or better. Always being told you're not good enough the way you were. You were brilliant. I'm sad your mum never saw that.

I'm sorry your siblings had no time or respect for you and treated you like a nuisance and a threat.

I'm sad that you were emotionally neglected and never had a proper chance to connect with your parents. So much unsaid and glossed over or 'fixed'.

I'm sorry I dragged you in and out of therapy your whole life with no real progress.

I'm sorry I started drinking so young and ruined your chances of having some semblance of ok teenage years.

I'm sad you put so much of yourself into your first proper relationship only to never feel he was good or strong enough for you and that all you actually had in common was alcohol and fun.

I'm so sad how your life could have been so different.

Monday, 27 September 2021

Discrimination and Ignorance was not why I was there

The whole world is on fire and we are fairly fucked here in the UK. I can't see past any of this to any kind of future and I don't understand how complacent and compliant people are being.

Fucking nurse at GP surgery refused to take my blood cos I wasn't wearing a mask. I have an exemption and have been in the practice many times before. Half the sodding country don't wear them anymore. It's just ludicrous and frustrating and stressful.

I definitely got poor health care. I wasn't able to talk to her about any of the things I was meant to be there for, because she was being such a *itch.  I said you can't deny me healthcare. She effectively said she could as she backed herself into a corner trying to keep away from me. I was already having a bad day and I was too upset, tired and depressed to even try talking to her and I just put the mask on to get out as fast as I could.

And there is your proof of division, discrimination and ignorance.


Sunday, 26 September 2021

No one is born in the wrong body. Fired Up one more time

The fucking Lancet are in on it now.....some fantastic responses from Posie Parker, Millie Hill and many more...add your WOMAN MOUTH WORDS.........✊😡

I became so fired up by this tweet and the responses from thousands upon thousands that I decided to take one last step.

After stopping discussing with my children or mentioning anything remotely about the dying off of women, feminism, misogyny, transing children, the terrible terrible agenda that is going on behind it all. I decided to have one last try.

I sat with them both and basically said, I want you to read this thread and understand the issue that is being presented here. Erasure of WOMAN right in front of your eyes from a well respected long running medical paper.

I was so sad that we have come so far but not far enough that our children have been pawned for it to come to this. 

I did my best to talk to them about how important this issue has become in the outer world world that there are people out there being persecuted and fired for speaking the truth. How biology really cannot simply be changed by saying so. 



Tuesday, 1 December 2020

Walk a mile in my shoes

I say I feel. Hugely.
You say my feelings are 

Too big
Too negative
Too wrong
I say imagine feeling that way?
How awful would that be?
To feel them so.

What you actually said was things are not as bad as you feel.

Imagine though, imagine you felt they were?

Monday, 13 July 2020

blood on the carpet

 think you hit the nail on the head there... "I was told that i had great potential when I was a kid, something that I've never found but has condemned me to self-deprecation. So I don't want to impose that expectation on her"...how was it phrased to you, how has it shaped you...obviously enough to 'condemn' you, why did you never find it, lack of or too much 'encouragement'....this seems a trigger point for you, it would seem you have a fear of doing the same to your dd..understandable...i think this is half our issues ladies...finding out what our triggers were/are and redoing them a gentler, more respectful way to our own kids..you know so they don't get too *f&^5*UCKED* up!! its a flippin minefield out there and i am in pieces all over the carpet!

Meltdowns - probably so many
Losing the Plot - gone
Breastfeeding - most definitely

An old blog post I never published but had words from a friend I admired. 

Thursday, 25 June 2020

Unconscious Gender Critical Always supporting Mother

My jubilance is almost upon me but I remain cautious still.

Yesterday mornings news regarding the GRA which I caught at 2am round my fire sent my vindication terfidity soaring through the damp Scottish sky.

I'd learned that I had 'Peak Transed' around February when in desperation one day I called Stephanie from Trangendered Trend. I only realised this a few days ago when I heard and found out what it meant to Peak Trans. I was advised to go on mumsnet 😱😂 thank G-d I probably won't need to now!!!

I spend my kids lives growing up telling them that colours are for everyone, you can wear what you want, clothes don't define you and be who you want as society doesn't define you either. You can love who you want as long as you are not hurting anyone.

Name changing is all the rage at the moment. It is, in some cases a childish desire for autonomy, self identity, confidence, a change, an excitement and sometimes it's a step towards being Transed by a misguided and confusing agenda and subject that I do not think my children should be introduced to at a young age.

Since when did it stop being my choice what my children are being indoctrinated by?

When my eldest went to high school joined the LGBQTI lunch time club, there were meetings and conferences and my kids acquired many colourful flags and badges and validation for being ASD/different/quirky.

For the last few years, we have been immersed in the whole shebang. My kids are so confused and explorative and inclusive and caring and adamant they are right. Eldest has changed from gay to bisexual to now non binary (wtaf is that anyway!) and the middle has been self harming wanting to be a boy.  The youngest 8 just goes along with whatever makes her siblings (can't say sisters now,) happy.

I'm so bone tired from it all, having to balance their needs and support them whilst also being GC is really hard. Lots of confusion, arguing, understanding, talking and storming off. 

I feel so bad for my parents now. It's a nightmare time for teenagers to be young and impressionable and impulsive  🙄I'm sure we weren't this bad lol

I spoke personally to Stephanie at Transgendered Trend in February when this all finally blew up at home and we found out about the reason for the self harming. 

I talked for ages on the way to work one day in a traffic jam..she was brilliant but put the fear of G-d in me by compounding everything I had been researching up until that point. 

I guess I reached Peak Trans. I ended up in an absolute state, consoled by boss, who understood my situation but really if you haven't 'experienced' your child wanting to die and cut themselves AND be a boy then you can't truly 'get it'. I was sent home, straight to docs, put on medication and basically been a living hell since. I was just almost turning around from my miscarriage and subsequent realisation that this is the end for my womb and her wombfullness and I was hit with another crisis.

Middle had been seeing an IHeart therapist last year which helped her in other ways as it wasn't a 'specific' talking therapy. We tried to get help from CAHMS and school. CAHMS said no, no previous mental health issues. School were great but educatiom and beuracratic systems run slow and I basically heard the news (that I had been waiting almost two months for) that the school educational psychologist doesn't deal with self harm only educational issues. I am fairly sure if covid19 hadn't happened, her education would have suffered. 

The GP was seeing her weekly. Saw her twice. Then covid19 happened. She was starting some art therapy at school. Then covid19 happened. 

I was more relieved than ever when the  schools closed and not just because of covid19.

Now, I just need reassurances that schools and other authorities are going to help sort this mess out and help my family feel less shell shocked by the whole experience. 

I have absolutely no issues with gay, lesbian even bisexual  but I draw the line at this new fad of transing my kids.  

I draw the line at other ideas and theories about this confusing time for our children NOT being allowed to be discussed by professionals. Their only alternative being affirmation of trans route. I draw the line at changing the lived in time from 2yrs to 3/6 months. I draw the line at age changing from 18 to 16. I draw the line at my kids being transed behind my back by social media, school and the Government. 

I am, as ever supportive of my children's gender journey even though it freaks me out often. I discussed things regarding LGBTQI with lesbian and straight and gay friends to make sure I wasn't pushing my agenda or stepping on my kids boundaries for TWO years. We ate and breathed LGBQTI we talked about it at the dinner table, for a long long time it was the only thing the eldest would talk about, we were supportive. We went on Pride March, we got her the badges and the flags and we listened but things just turned scary and escalated in a way I couldn't understand or keep up with. In a way that seemed scary and misguided to me. 

I've lost IRL friends over this but you know, I'm used to it now with my strong views lol

I feel kind of vindicated by the GRA reform being stopped yet worried all at the time.
Now I am worried for all those young kids who are being fed the biological sex lie and that transing is safe and harmless and were hanging their lives on this life affirming and life changing stuff...life or death for some of those kids who are about to be 16 and who are not able to handle this news.

Now, I'm educating myself again and wondering what is the next step for families caught up in this...what are the school going to do to even out this confusing mess for our children?

....what a damn mess for everyone. 

Children still need to know that transwomen are not women and transmen are not men. Transgender is transgender.

Transwoman can still have penises and I believe that any amount of medication and castration and alteration will never ever change the innate immutable fact that they were born and lived male or female or intersex AND that changing your sex will not be a panacea for their dysphoria.

Lesbians ( ffs everyone) should be able to say NO to a 'female penis' because some man has decided to self ID as a woman and so now lesbians must ACCEPT the PENIS and gay men should be allowed to make their mind up ( not too sure yet how this issue impacts gay mens right's) and ME as a woman and mother am allowed to say I feel there is a trans issue being conflated with gender identity and NORMAL questioning of gender and laterally sexuality, the two are different and it is creating a transgender epidemic in children too young to fully understand the complex issues. 

Children are pushed by parents  and media/peers/ one way or another. Some parents are over accepting and go down the trans route, I believe because it is woke and in vogue and they are scared by the high suicide rate amongst gender dysphoria children. This should not happen to babies, toddlers or children. Some parents go down the hate route and are total bastards to their children when they start being aware of other's way of expression. They denounce all LGBT existence and rights and throw their kids out for exploring this side of their life. These are two extremes and as a gender critical woman I am neither of those and it is MY right as a woman and a mother to think this way. 

Transpeople already have rights. They start at 18. Before that you have rights as a child and one of them(!) is the parents right to say no to the incoming UK onslaught of chemically altering children on a whim, talking about anal sex to primary school kids, encouraging and stomping on women's rights and erasing women from every day language, not to mention the confusion and dangers of self ID for all. 

Binding, puberty blockers, hormones and chemical castration are NOT the answer for my children (or any child). I really don't think I will ever think differently even when or if I actually have to. So if my children decide at 18 to go down this route then so be it but I'll be damned if I accept that RIGHT now for my 11yr old that the trans route is the ONLY route. 

I will not accept professionals being PUSHED/forced to take the child down the trans route at such a young age and with such vigour and in such a short space of time. 

I will not accept that Dr's, professionals and ANYONE who thinks this way should be silenced.  Especially over my children. 

My child can no longer make this LIFE and BODY altering decision themselves at 16 after 3 months of deciding this. For the work of gender critical females and feminist and women and men and transmen and transwomen who spoke up, I thank you.