I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Story of my life...


And we all know what I mean when I say doing stuff!! The kind of stuff where you just know you are thinking 'thank G-d it's not my kids'. Yup. Those are my kids. Thank them, if you get the chance, for taking the pressure off your day for a brief moment and feeling like your day is manageable. I reckon I'm performing a public service for parents everywhere taking my kids out in public!!!


Friday, 20 November 2015

Food it's not fun yet

I'm all in a food kerfuffle. Have any of you heard about the spit test for thrush? I have no vaginal symptoms but itchy feet and majorly itchy scalp. The woman who did my colonic last Saturday told me about the spit test. Morning spit in water if it starts to streak down you have thrush....

...does everyone have yeast and some have an overgrowth and a problem?

I have basically for the last month stopped carbs (bread, rice, pasta etc) and of course refined sugar since May. 

The thrush diet is no mushrooms quorn dairy sugar so I would have nothing left to eat!! 

I basically am only eating protein dairy and fat just now and creamy mushrooms!!

I wish I wasn't so easily influenced by all the sensible sounding ways of eating.  

I've lost a stone which is great and my blood sugars are steadily lowering and remaining in the diabetic safe zone most of the time  (except for times of mega stress). I've reduced my medication back to two tablets a day. Sometimes only one if I forget!

It's been hard but I've kept at it. I'm still feeling tired but definitely not as much. Still getting mood swings but not nearly as bad. 

I feel obsessed with food again, a place I hate being in. Some days I get so overwhelmed with the thought of what to eat, how many carbs are in things, how many have I had, what's the weight of this, what's the percentage of that and the whole cooking thing that I end up not eating or eating late or just having Greek yoghurt and raspberries. As you all know numbers are not my strong point. 

My sister has gone all gung-ho with the low carb practically no carb diet after finding a knowledgeable woman called Mary Kemp who says diabetes can be reversed with a proper diet and she's finding it so easy and lost loads of weight and keeps her blood sugars in check really well. She can't understand why I'm not finding it as easy as her. She's not very tolerant of weakness. She was only pre diabetic and not on meds so is closer to maintaining than I am. 

Basically I'm not feeling great about the whole food and health thing again. And now this thrush protocol. 

I'm too scared to talk to my doc because NHS guidelines recommend at least 3 times the amount of carbs and say bread rice pasta etc is all ok as long as brown or wholewheat or whatever. And the diabetic nurse already said u was making things complicated and the group diabetes session basically recommends eating things that are 5g or less. 

No carb totally makes sense and I'm doing it its just that I think I'm blocked mentally somehow or worried I'm making things worse or something. Something is not allowing me to just get on. 

Sorry for ramble. 

Meltdowns - had quite a lot of 'I hate you' from 8yr old
Losing the plot - beyond exasperated 
Breastfeeding - yes. Still. 

Sunday, 15 November 2015

Brings out the worst in people

I have had hostility and  condemnation thrown at me all week and I'm here to tell you I'm not taking any more of it. 

Hostility because of my different beliefs regarding what I eat and what I will and won't put on and in my body. I have educated and informed myself and made decision with regards to ethical, moral and health concerns. 

The fact is, it's my choice and your hostility only furthers my beliefs that your ignorance has no place in my life. 

Furthermore, the fact that I am Zionist does not give you the right to condemn me and vilify me and overtly blame me for all and any terrorist attacks that have occurred recently or will do in the future. When you think that me being a Jewish means I also think Palestinian citizens deserve to be treated in a certain way then it is you who needs to reevaluate your core beliefs and stop being antisemitic and stop believing propaganda. 

YOUR inciting hatred and disgraceful behavior is the reason there is so much pain, anger and hurt in the world.

Take your lunacy elsewhere.



Saturday, 7 November 2015

Beautifully Awesome Monster

It's that time of night when I sit all alone for longer than a nanosecond.  Hubby gets older two to bed where he often falls asleep till later, and I watch a really cool film or programme. 

Invariably there are characters interacting as mother-daughter or father-daughter or a character that's had a father or a mother. 

It either makes me feel like the worst mum in the world or the best. I think well at least I'm not as bad as *that* mum or OMG I need to be more like her.  Or I think, I wonder what kind of mother HE had to end up like THAT!! She was either awesome or a monster. 

It's also how I sometimes feel when on FB and in real life. 

I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking how much therapy is going to cost for my kids when they are older or maybe I should just do it now, group therapy. Maybe that'd do it. Sort us out. Stop the fighting. The resentment. The shouting. The slavery feeling. The dealing with the oftentimes overwhelming high emotions that encompass my day. Of a toddler. Of a 7yr old and of a 9yr old and of a 42yr old. Lots of emotions and feelings. The relentlessness of it all!!!

And then half way through the film, Millie wakes up and if I don't fall asleep, I manage to finish the film and I then spend the rest of the night thinking how I'm going to be a better mum tomorrow.

Meltdown - spending all day navigating around them and through them and over them
Losing the Plot - I think it's lost forever 
Breastfeeding - it had decreased to a manageable level but then illness struck and weeeeeeee up its gone!!


Sunday, 25 October 2015

Articles on diabetes


Diabetes Type 2

It's been over five months since my type2 diabetes diagnosis and in that time I have managed to lower my blood levels from 9.7% to 5.8% Normal blood level is below 5.5. I have lost 4kg as well. Mainly it has been from stopping eating the massive amounts of chocolate but I've also been slowly tidying up my diet.

I am really really terrible with numbers so understanding the levels and food numbers has been a bit of a mindfuck for me. 

Among the NHS advice is to keep sugar below 5g for everything that you eat. So when the label says carbohydrates - 'of which sugar' I was making sure it was always below 5g. This doesn't take into account that if there is high carbohydrates in the food it is still going to affect my blood sugar. 

The medicine is lowering my blood sugar but it is not stopping the massive dump of insulin into my body when I consume too many carbs. So my blood sugar spikes high and the medicine lowers it. Apparently the high spikes over 7.8 cause small irrevocable damages to your organs which over time contribute to complications associated with diabetes.  So even though my overall blood sugar levels are going down, I am still getting readings that are considered too high and could cause damage. 

In order to work out the percentage of 'potential sugar baddies' in my food, I was introduced to this formula:-

In 100g of food......Carbohydrates minus fibre multiplied by 4 then divided by calories then multiplied by 100. 

So roughly, 

If the result is below 50 it's sort of ok

If the result is below 30 it will potentially stop cravings since high carb fills you up for less time. 

Basically, the lower the better

NHS guidelines recommend 180g of carbohydrates a day but in order to lower and maintain blood sugar levels without the eventual need for medication, there is a school of thought that suggests eating around 65g of carbohydrates a day is what is required. 

There are a lot of people who believe the NHS blood sugar levels guidelines are too high and is merely maintained with medication but doesn't address the underlying issue of high blood sugar spikes. So diabetics are maintaining their levels way above an actual healthy level which causes longer term health issues. These people manage to lower their blood to non diabetic levels by lowering their carb load. 

Right now, there is lots in the mainstream news regarding taxing sugar because they are now beginning to think that although heart disease and failure is the one that's killing, it's sugars that's precipitating the problems. 

There is a lot of science that I haven't quite got my head round but for now it means no bread no pasta no potatoes and minimal root vegetables  including carrot and sweet potato which although has less than normal potato is still high. 

It also means getting back to way more actually real cooking and away from easy ready cooked processed meals that I've slipped back to because they tend to be high in carbohydrates. 

It means I'm reigning in even more. Tightening my belt again and buckling down to finally sorting out my diabetes. 

It's seriously damn hard especially with kids who won't eat anything I eat and an equally picky husband. The kids are always hungry because they have a very high carb diet. I am going to try for the old if it's not in the house they can't eat it solution, but they get it all at school. In fact I am sure the school already think I starve them because Ellie is always scoffing seconds and thirds. 

It's becoming clear the high carb diet problem has been around since I was a child but that also genetically I was high risk. 

My brother has completely buried his head in the sand over his type2. He hasn't had an HBA1C for a very long time to check his overall blood health. I'm not sure if he is taking his medicine. He's started getting the peripheral nerve damage associated with diabetes. He is still eating lots of takeaways and drinking alcohol. He doesn't smoke and does do exercise which will help but it's not enough. 

 I want to say to my him:- "dad got diabetes then had heart failure, then organ failure then died. Stop messing about with your health"

So, when did you last get your HBA1C checked to see how your overall blood health is doing? Have you ever checked your blood sugar levels one hour after eating high carbs/sugar, then two hours to see how your body deals with it