I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Thursday, 5 July 2012

Day 6 - Mid Week Wobbler

Do you want to know what happens to a mum and her kids when they don't eat properly during the day?

It wasn't pretty. 

It could have been another great day of calm and non shoutingness but I hadn't eaten since 10am and it was now 5pm. 

We had gone to a really cool ceramic place where the girls had made paint bubble pictures and played in a small soft play area with their friends. I made Millie's handprint. I sat and chatted to another mum. I was telling her about how wonderful EC was and bloody hell if Millie didn't pee on me mid sentence! Typical. The morning was going well. The girls had lunch about 12pm but there was nothing for me and I'd already spent waaaay too much. 

Afterwards we took the dog to a walk at a country park. The girls chose to go in the massive playpark whilst I walked Riley around. Then we went to the small animal park. We stayed for about 3hrs. I should have sensed things were about to go flooby when Maia refused to get into the car because she wanted Ellie to see the goats and Ellie refused to go with Maia unless I went. I'd already strapped Millie in and had been waiting for them as they explored the other smaller park. I was mega mega hungry and tired by now. 

Is it really gross that I was so hungry I ate the broken oat cakes I found in the back of the car? They were only a few days old!!

Goat seen, we finally left. It was now 4pm . On the way home we decided to stop for ice cream sorbet. I was under the impression that the offer of ice cream would create squeals of excitement in children. Nope, all I got was moaning about wanting the big tub from the shops instead and nagging for double not single *sigh*.

I asked the girls to stay in the car but Ellie followed me in. She became very upset at the ice cream choice. I had already bought them and wasn't changing. She has an excema reaction to dairy and too much overloads her system, so it was sorbet instead. She started hitting and shouting at me trying to knock the cone out my hand. I got to the car, gave Maia hers and checked Millie was still sleeping. Ellie refused to get in the car and refused to take the sorbet which was melting. I ate mine. Maia ate hers. Ellie's started melting.  She continued to call me names and not get into the car. When she could see I wasn't changing cones, she asked for more sprinkles instead so we went back in to ask for more. I nearly cried when she said I can't stick it in you've already licked it, I said just pour it on top. She said it probably won't stick. I don't care says I. She must have thought I was mental!! But she did it thank heavens! Slightly placated, we went back to the car but she took her own sweet time doing it.

Once home I quickly got the oven on and attended to Millie. I calmed her down enough to be sitting on the sofa whilst I shoved something highly non nutritious and easy in the oven. 

Ellie has this new thing she has been doing whereby she tries to scare people by jumping out at them. She has also been doing it to Millie. She jumps in her face and shouts boo. I have asked her many times not to and explained how it upsets her. Today I asked her if she wanted Millie's memories of her sister to be once of being scared. 

So the next thing I hear is a loud boo and then crying. I'm afraid this was my limit. Tired hungry and cranky I shot into the conservatory whipped up Millie, gave a suitable glare and walked out. She followed me into the kitchen and again tried to give us a fright. What followed was far from pretty. I lost it. She lost it. I shouted. She shouted. Millie cried. Ellie cried. It wasn't my best parenting moment. 

Once hubby was home, I was still not in a good space and should have given up there and then, but remembered we still had Maia's birthday cake to make. So feeling slightly jangled, we started. Millie started crying and Maia spilt 200g sugar on the floor. In the midst of my crazy plot losing hoovering, Ellie's words drifted into my consciousness "you need to calm down mummy". It worked. I left the kitchen and stood in the rain for a while. 

Ellie went present shopping with hubby and I patched things up with Maia, finished the cake and took her to bed.

As is always the way, Ellie gave me an opportunity to reconnect at bedtime by not falling asleep for ages. 10pm and lots of hangmans and mazes later I remembered I still hadn't had dinner.

Meltdowns - oh boy
Losing the Plot - oh boy oh boy
Breastfeeding - oh yeah!

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