I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Emotions in motion....HA!

I think I have may have underestimated the effect of moving could have on all of us.  I have tried very hard to keep things as smooth and routine and 'normal' as possible.  In the first 2-3days I organised the kitchen as fast as I could to get the food source happening, but obviously everything is in a different looking place. Then I organised the kids clothes and books how they used to be but in a different position..same wardrobe, same drawers, simply cos we needed to keep their furniture.  We organised the living room and finally after 5days, the TV! We kept Ellie going to school (not sure if that was best move, but then I am biased!) and even I managed a nurture nature and some brownie and bread making.

But the girls really are having a hard time adjusting and Maia in particular has been quite destructive, ripping wallpaper, food dropping, more mess making than usual (which i know is normally quite high!), ignoring, hitting me(not major, like faux hitting) and  disruptive at other times, especially bed time.  

It all came to a head yesterday and after much upset, anger and crying..from all, and major calming down needed from me, we had a bedtime chat.  We talked about missing the old house and what she missed, the bathroom was first on her list, the wooden toilet seat..I wondered about this until i realised the toilet seats feel diffrent here and in a sleepy state, its nice to feel the familiar on your bottom!  There were other such random items, light fittings, wardrobes not being where they should be (in Brenfield) but the most telling was the missing sleeping next to us, which is what thy did in the old house.  I had kind of prepared them for this before moving, explaining they would be in a double bed together, but nothing can really prepare for that.  The first few nights it was really working, together in a double bed, they started as far apart as possible but by morning were always together.  Then the other room was sorted and the bunk beds went up and the novelty for there took over, the next night was in a tent on the floor next to the bunk beds.  We have given them the choice of where to sleep.  

We finally talked about all the things we did like about the new house and she managed to come up with quite a few, but they were becoming more and more random until I realised, she was feeling calmer and was ready to fall asleep.  

The upshot is, we have brought Maia back into our bed for a wee bit to help her feel more settled.  I know most would think we are crazy but we already feel its helping...We have at least 3months to settle her back to one of the other choices of beds in preparation for the new bubbah!  The only problem I can forsee is that there would not be room for Ellie too.  I will have to find a different way of helping her feel more settled or its bunk beds for Barry!!  Aah Barry, his study has been his priority!

grrrr boxes
So in 8days, we have sorted out most of the 'living spaces', now its back to sorting out our 'emotional spaces'.

Upset, unsettled children are hard to be with. I can be hard to be with too. Real emotions are hard to be with.  I can be hard to be with too.  Most people put a lot of time and effort into not showing their real emotions.  Not dealing with their feelings.  Pretending everything is under control, in control, sorted and happy.  Kids have no such (dis)abilities.  They are as real and raw as they come. I can be like this too, just hopefully not as much. Thank G-d!  

Meltdowns - phenomenal!
Losing the Plot - OMG I should have been filmed!
Breastfeeding - soon, so very soon!

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Co-Sleeping Blog Carnival

Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival

Thanks for reading a post in the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival. On Carnival day, please follow along on Twitter using the #CosleepCar hashtag.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
  • Emotive Co-Sleeping Campaign - Miriam at Diary of an Unconscious Mother talks about her feelings on Milwaukee’s anti-cosleeping crusade and its latest advertising campaign.
  • Why Cosleeping has Always been the Right Choice for My Family - Patti at Jazzy Mama shares how lucky she feels to have the privilege of sleeping with her four children.
  • Cosleeping is a safe, natural and healthy solution parents need to feel good about. - See how Tilly at Silly Blatherings set up a side-car crib configuration to meet her and her families' needs.
  • Black and White: Race and the Cosleeping Wars - Moorea at Mama Lady: Adventures in Queer Parenting points out the problem of race, class and health when addressing co-sleeping deaths and calls to action better sleep education and breastfeeding support in underprivileged communities.
  • Reflections on Cosleeping - Jenny at I’m a Full Time Mummy shares her thoughts on cosleeping and pictures of her cosleeping beauties.
  • Cosleeping and Transitioning to Own Bed - Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine shares her experiences in moving beyond the family bed.
  • What Works for One Family - Momma Jorje shares why cosleeping is for her and why she feels it is the natural way to go. She also discusses the actual dangers and explores why it may not be for everyone.
  • Really High Beds, Co-Sleeping Safely, and the Humanity Family Sleeper - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama gives a quick view of Jennifer’s bed-sharing journey and highlights the Humanity Family Sleeper, something Jennifer could not imagine bed-sharing without.
  • Crying in Our Family Bed - With such a sweet newborn, why has adding Ailia to the family bed made Dionna at Code Name: Mama cry?
  • Dear Mama: - Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares a letter from the viewpoint of her youngest son about cosleeping.
  • Cuddle up, Buttercup! - Nada of The MiniMOMist and her husband Michael have enjoyed cosleeping with their daughter Naomi almost since birth. Nada shares why the phrase "Cuddle up, Buttercup!" has such special significance to her.
  • Co-Sleeping With A Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler - Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how co-sleeping calls us to trust our inner maternal wisdom and embrace the safety and comfort of the family bed.
  • Fear instead of Facts: An Opportunity Squandered in Milwaukee - Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction discusses Milwaukee’s missed opportunity to educate on safe cosleeping.
  • Cosleeping: A Mini-rant and a Lovely Picture - Siobhan at Res Ipsa Loquitor discusses her conversion to cosleeping and rants a little bit about the Milwaukee Health Department anti-cosleeping campaign.
  • Our Cosleeping Story - Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares her cosleeping story and the many bonus side effects of bedsharing.
  • Cosleeping can be safe and rewarding Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares how her cosleeping experiences have been good for her family.
  • Adding one more to the family bed Lauren at Hobo Mama discusses the safety logistics of bed sharing with a new baby and a preschooler.
  • The Truth About Bedsharing - Dr. Sarah at Parenting Myths and Facts discusses the research into bedsharing and risk - and explains why it is so often misrepresented.
  • Cosleeping as a parenting survival tool - Melissa V. at Mothers of Change describes how she discovered cosleeping when her first baby was born. Melissa is the editor and a board member for the Canadian birth advocacy group, Mothers of Change.
  • Dear Delilah - Joella at Fine and Fair writes about her family bed and the process of finding the cosleeping arrangements that work best for her family.
  • CoSleeping ROCKS! - Melissa at White Noise talks about the evolution of cosleeping in her family.
  • Safe Sleep is a Choice - Tamara at Pea Wee Baby talks about safe sleep guidelines.
  • 3 Babies Later: The Evolution of our Family Bed - Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment talks about how her family’s cosleeping arrangements evolved as her family grew.
  • Tender Moments - The Accidental Natural Mama discusses tender cosleeping moments.
  • Cosleeping Experiences - Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure describes how she ended up co-sleeping with her daughter through necessity, despite having no knowledge of the risks involved and how to minimise them, and wishes more information were made available to help parents co-sleep safely.
  • The early days of bedsharing - Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares her early memories of bedsharing with her then new born and gets excited as she plans including their new arrival into their sleeping arrangements.
  • The Joys of Cosleeping in Pictures - Charise of I Thought I Knew Mama shares pictures of some of her favorite cosleeping moments.
  • Symbiotic Sleep - Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children discusses how the symbiotic cosleeping relationship benefits not only children but also parents.
  • Co-sleeping Barriers: What’s Stopping You? - Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares how she was almost prevented from gaining the benefits of co-sleeping her family currently enjoys.
  • Co-Sleeping with the Family Humanity Sleeper - Erica at ChildOrganics shares a way to make co-sleeping safe, comfortable and more convenient. Check out her post featuring the Humanity Organic Family Sleeper.
  • Why We Cosleep - That Mama Gretchen’s husband chimes in on why cosleeping is a benefit to their family.
  • Adding to the Family Bed - Darah at A Girl Named Gus writes about her co-sleeping journey and what happens when a second child comes along.

A big thank you to all of the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival participants!