I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Day 4 - Peace and War

The girls don't wake up till 10am and I manage to divert them for two hours before netflix draws them in. Not for want of asking though. Come on mum come on mum come on mum repeatedly is Maia's favourite phrase at the moment. We make breakfast. Empty dishwasher. Make caterpillars. I potter about. They won't be swayed. Netflix is on. Interestingly Millie was upset everytime I was in that room so I retired to the conservatory again. Either she was annoyed at hearing but not seeing or she is going to be our outdoor girl!!!

Oh. Ok. Nope. She just needed a poo. Actually I think I knew that. She has a specific cry but I'd just put a nappy on her and I wanted to sit for a minute. So ignored it. I hoped it wasn't that. The grunting told me otherwise!! I'm tired today so was using nappies but really it makes no difference. She still needs to poo. I still need to help her with her eliminations. With or without, I still need to clean her after. 

Once again me going in another room has meant the girls followed me. They play for a bit then disappear. 

I could sling Millie and sort out the piles of clothes every where but I wore her yesterday a lot. I have lower back disc degeneration and my pain levels vary from day to day. I have had the pain for years, even before the girls, but i think 3 pregnancies in 5yrs has taken its toll. I recently underwent a procedure that I thought would make it better but unfortunately it didn't work as well as I hoped. I am really disappointed and upset about that. Millie needs held A LOT. I was relying on the procedure to work. If she would lie beside me while I did stuff I might be more inclined to do it!!!

I'm too scared to move. I think the girls are playing upstairs. They are like woodland creatures. If they catch even a whiff of being watched, the scarper back to their dens(tv)!!!

Millie has been awake since 7am, its now 2pm, so she is ready for a shloph. If I can transfer her to the sofa after her feed, I could finish getting dressed!

Oh. My. Word. !! Ellie caught her first pee! Millie true to form did not settle on the sofa. I suddenly had a very very sore tummy and didn't want to take her with so I asked Ellie to go and talk to her as she was upset. She carried her through to the living room and I suggested she put her on a towel. Instead, Ellie got a bowl from the kitchen, sat Millie on, made the pss pss sound and caught her first pee!!!! Tribal living at its best!!!!!

I managed to settle Millie for a sleep upstairs and after not putting the clothes away for a bit, I played a few games with the girls. We sat in the hall so I could see Millie if she moved and I separated the clothes whilst we played! 

I love how when we play these types of games, about midway through the girls start making up their own rules in order to have the plate they want(it's a food game). I never make an issue of not playing by the rules and having a winner or a loser. I always say they can play the way it says in the rules or the way they want to play. They opt for the way that makes them happiest. If only life were that simple!!

When hubby comes home today, I have skilfully managed to feed the girls a small meal and work out what we're going to have for dinner. He takes them out to their SIL. In complete contrast to the other two who were not out of my sight for more than an hour at a time at that age and were always within immediate boob reach, hubby takes Millie too. I feel kind of weird about it but know he will come back the minute there is any signs of distress. He isn't that far away! She comes home an hour and a half later and even though she is a happy camper, her relief is obvious. 

When the girls come bounding up the stairs, I decide to go with the flow and not mention bedtime again tonight so we play hangman for a bit whilst feeding Millie. I notice she is becoming upset with the increased activity from the girls so I move out into the hall and then downstairs where hubby holds Millie while I continue collecting and connecting with rambunctious play. Finally I can tell a move upstairs would be a good plan so grab a few books and suggest we do that. Maia still wants to do more rambunctious play after books but I say we will do it in morning.  I'm not in the mood for more running about. Amazingly they follow and we make a plan that Ellie will sit on my knee first while I read then swap for the second book. 

When it comes times to swap over Ellie refuses and things go a bit pear shaped. Maia is upset. Ellie is unmoved. I don't want to force it but I'm not sure how to proceed. Hubby comes in and Maia sits on his knee while we try to work it out. I feel bad for Maia that she has once again backed down but hubby just thinks she is picking her battles. She suggest taking the book and read it with hubby then swap it back for me to read to Ellie. I love how she came up with a solution and I should have followed that through but I know Maia has now not got to sit on my knee or have me read the book which is what she wanted and I just don't think it's fair that once again Ellie's anger has got her what she wants and I feel I ought to advocate for Maia.

Hubby thinks I am crazy for not going with Maia's idea but I think, what if I was on my own when this happened. Which it does. Often. And I just don't feel we are resolving it effectively . Probably this late at night is not the best time to try. They do both want me to read it though and its all getting really confusing . Ellie is clearly angry. Maia tells Ellie she is upset with her but talking is getting us nowhere. They are too tired. Ellie is exhausted and is unable to be as reasonable as a 5yr old should be!! There are some further altercations of the physical kind before I hit upon the idea of saying who we care about and how we care about them. 

I say I care about Maia and I care that she doesn't get hurt and I say the same thing about Ellie. Hubby says he cares about Ellie and he cares by loving her and he says the same thing about Maia. I say I care about Millie and Maia says she cares too and we show our care by kissing and hugging her meanwhile Ellie keeps saying she only cares about Rileydog!! I also say I show I care about them by listening to them. They have relaxed again but when Maia goes to kiss Ellie, Ellie pushes her away. I am so sad for both of them. They play and fight in equal measures. 

They eventually put their heads down on my leg and then start fighting over the same 4" space of thigh. Maia finally falls asleep but Ellie decides she is hungry so goes downstairs and gets something to eat. I am pretty much asleep by this point with Millie in my arms and Maia on my thigh. I decide not to engage with Ellie when she comes back in. I'm too tired. She finishes munching and falls alseep. 

Both of them have said they want more mummy time. I would like some more mummy time occasionally too!

Meltdowns - mega night time one
Losing the plot - only in the trying to get two very tired kids to be reasonable type plot losing
Breastfeeding - cures all ails. Put milk on dogs sore eye tonight!!

1 comment:

  1. I just feel sorry for the poor wee dog :)