......

......
I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Tuesday 1 December 2020

Walk a mile in my shoes

I say I feel. Hugely.
You say my feelings are 

Too big
Too negative
Too wrong
I say imagine feeling that way?
How awful would that be?
To feel them so.

What you actually said was things are not as bad as you feel.

Imagine though, imagine you felt they were?


Monday 13 July 2020

blood on the carpet

 think you hit the nail on the head there... "I was told that i had great potential when I was a kid, something that I've never found but has condemned me to self-deprecation. So I don't want to impose that expectation on her"...how was it phrased to you, how has it shaped you...obviously enough to 'condemn' you, why did you never find it, lack of or too much 'encouragement'....this seems a trigger point for you, it would seem you have a fear of doing the same to your dd..understandable...i think this is half our issues ladies...finding out what our triggers were/are and redoing them a gentler, more respectful way to our own kids..you know so they don't get too *f&^5*UCKED* up!! its a flippin minefield out there and i am in pieces all over the carpet!


Meltdowns - probably so many
Losing the Plot - gone
Breastfeeding - most definitely


An old blog post I never published but had words from a friend I admired. 

Thursday 25 June 2020

Unconscious Gender Critical Always supporting Mother

My jubilance is almost upon me but I remain cautious still.

Yesterday mornings news regarding the GRA which I caught at 2am round my fire sent my vindication terfidity soaring through the damp Scottish sky.

I'd learned that I had 'Peak Transed' around February when in desperation one day I called Stephanie from Trangendered Trend. I only realised this a few days ago when I heard and found out what it meant to Peak Trans. I was advised to go on mumsnet 😱😂 thank G-d I probably won't need to now!!!

I spend my kids lives growing up telling them that colours are for everyone, you can wear what you want, clothes don't define you and be who you want as society doesn't define you either. You can love who you want as long as you are not hurting anyone.

Name changing is all the rage at the moment. It is, in some cases a childish desire for autonomy, self identity, confidence, a change, an excitement and sometimes it's a step towards being Transed by a misguided and confusing agenda and subject that I do not think my children should be introduced to at a young age.

Since when did it stop being my choice what my children are being indoctrinated by?

When my eldest went to high school joined the LGBQTI lunch time club, there were meetings and conferences and my kids acquired many colourful flags and badges and validation for being ASD/different/quirky.

For the last few years, we have been immersed in the whole shebang. My kids are so confused and explorative and inclusive and caring and adamant they are right. Eldest has changed from gay to bisexual to now non binary (wtaf is that anyway!) and the middle has been self harming wanting to be a boy.  The youngest 8 just goes along with whatever makes her siblings (can't say sisters now,) happy.

I'm so bone tired from it all, having to balance their needs and support them whilst also being GC is really hard. Lots of confusion, arguing, understanding, talking and storming off. 

I feel so bad for my parents now. It's a nightmare time for teenagers to be young and impressionable and impulsive  🙄I'm sure we weren't this bad lol

I spoke personally to Stephanie at Transgendered Trend in February when this all finally blew up at home and we found out about the reason for the self harming. 

I talked for ages on the way to work one day in a traffic jam..she was brilliant but put the fear of G-d in me by compounding everything I had been researching up until that point. 

I guess I reached Peak Trans. I ended up in an absolute state, consoled by boss, who understood my situation but really if you haven't 'experienced' your child wanting to die and cut themselves AND be a boy then you can't truly 'get it'. I was sent home, straight to docs, put on medication and basically been a living hell since. I was just almost turning around from my miscarriage and subsequent realisation that this is the end for my womb and her wombfullness and I was hit with another crisis.

Middle had been seeing an IHeart therapist last year which helped her in other ways as it wasn't a 'specific' talking therapy. We tried to get help from CAHMS and school. CAHMS said no, no previous mental health issues. School were great but educatiom and beuracratic systems run slow and I basically heard the news (that I had been waiting almost two months for) that the school educational psychologist doesn't deal with self harm only educational issues. I am fairly sure if covid19 hadn't happened, her education would have suffered. 

The GP was seeing her weekly. Saw her twice. Then covid19 happened. She was starting some art therapy at school. Then covid19 happened. 

I was more relieved than ever when the  schools closed and not just because of covid19.

Now, I just need reassurances that schools and other authorities are going to help sort this mess out and help my family feel less shell shocked by the whole experience. 

I have absolutely no issues with gay, lesbian even bisexual  but I draw the line at this new fad of transing my kids.  

I draw the line at other ideas and theories about this confusing time for our children NOT being allowed to be discussed by professionals. Their only alternative being affirmation of trans route. I draw the line at changing the lived in time from 2yrs to 3/6 months. I draw the line at age changing from 18 to 16. I draw the line at my kids being transed behind my back by social media, school and the Government. 

I am, as ever supportive of my children's gender journey even though it freaks me out often. I discussed things regarding LGBTQI with lesbian and straight and gay friends to make sure I wasn't pushing my agenda or stepping on my kids boundaries for TWO years. We ate and breathed LGBQTI we talked about it at the dinner table, for a long long time it was the only thing the eldest would talk about, we were supportive. We went on Pride March, we got her the badges and the flags and we listened but things just turned scary and escalated in a way I couldn't understand or keep up with. In a way that seemed scary and misguided to me. 

I've lost IRL friends over this but you know, I'm used to it now with my strong views lol

I feel kind of vindicated by the GRA reform being stopped yet worried all at the time.
 
Now I am worried for all those young kids who are being fed the biological sex lie and that transing is safe and harmless and were hanging their lives on this life affirming and life changing stuff...life or death for some of those kids who are about to be 16 and who are not able to handle this news.

Now, I'm educating myself again and wondering what is the next step for families caught up in this...what are the school going to do to even out this confusing mess for our children?
.

....what a damn mess for everyone. 

Children still need to know that transwomen are not women and transmen are not men. Transgender is transgender.


Transwoman can still have penises and I believe that any amount of medication and castration and alteration will never ever change the innate immutable fact that they were born and lived male or female or intersex AND that changing your sex will not be a panacea for their dysphoria.

Lesbians ( ffs everyone) should be able to say NO to a 'female penis' because some man has decided to self ID as a woman and so now lesbians must ACCEPT the PENIS and gay men should be allowed to make their mind up ( not too sure yet how this issue impacts gay mens right's) and ME as a woman and mother am allowed to say I feel there is a trans issue being conflated with gender identity and NORMAL questioning of gender and laterally sexuality, the two are different and it is creating a transgender epidemic in children too young to fully understand the complex issues. 

Children are pushed by parents  and media/peers/ one way or another. Some parents are over accepting and go down the trans route, I believe because it is woke and in vogue and they are scared by the high suicide rate amongst gender dysphoria children. This should not happen to babies, toddlers or children. Some parents go down the hate route and are total bastards to their children when they start being aware of other's way of expression. They denounce all LGBT existence and rights and throw their kids out for exploring this side of their life. These are two extremes and as a gender critical woman I am neither of those and it is MY right as a woman and a mother to think this way. 

Transpeople already have rights. They start at 18. Before that you have rights as a child and one of them(!) is the parents right to say no to the incoming UK onslaught of chemically altering children on a whim, talking about anal sex to primary school kids, encouraging and stomping on women's rights and erasing women from every day language, not to mention the confusion and dangers of self ID for all. 

Binding, puberty blockers, hormones and chemical castration are NOT the answer for my children (or any child). I really don't think I will ever think differently even when or if I actually have to. So if my children decide at 18 to go down this route then so be it but I'll be damned if I accept that RIGHT now for my 11yr old that the trans route is the ONLY route. 

I will not accept professionals being PUSHED/forced to take the child down the trans route at such a young age and with such vigour and in such a short space of time. 

I will not accept that Dr's, professionals and ANYONE who thinks this way should be silenced.  Especially over my children. 

My child can no longer make this LIFE and BODY altering decision themselves at 16 after 3 months of deciding this. For the work of gender critical females and feminist and women and men and transmen and transwomen who spoke up, I thank you. 

Friday 10 April 2020

Thoughts on the 3 week Lockdown review by Government a snippet between 31st March - 10th April

31st March - Written to those young people studying or at school and still going out. 

I don't care if you don't think it is serious....just do it for a couple of weeks. Do nothing, Do what you want in your own home and if you do go out do it safely 6ft away from me AT ALL TIMES AND WASH YOUR HANDS WHEN YOU GET HOME. It stays on plastic and cardboard for days.  

My life is busy enough without having to deal with these symptoms happening in my family ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Have you ever lived with unwell children AND an unwell husband all whilst being unwell yourself???

It's not pretty or fun. I've done it with colds and flu's and viruses and puking and pooping and snotting and WORRYING and NO SLEEP. NO THANKS. I can't be doing with it right now especially since I have a risk factor and have many friends and family that have higher risk factors. So stay home, eat your pringles, do your studying and let the #NHS recover from the shock of so many people at once being more unwell than they normally feel...and some people being unable to cope with the coughing and fever symptoms and some people unfortunately dying. Some with no underlying symptoms.

You can shout as much as you like AFTER, that it's not serious enough to stay at home for a few weeks and read graphs. 

Right NOW the NHS can't cope and I don't want to have anyone I know end up in hospital just now because right now, It's the last place I'd want to be. 

AFTER I want those who don't think it's serious to realise that the Government we have, promised the NHS £350million but instead cut jobs after jobs after jobs and effectively contributed to the ramifications of this virus and see where we are and maybe shout about that. AFTER. Right now, stop spreading the rampant virus, stay at home, wash your hands and hope no-one you know can't manage the symptoms. 

Thank you 💜

A stressed Mum and many others that want you to stay at home 


6.4.20

Still stay at home, keep 6ft away from people, follow the lines in the supermarket, wait outside to be let in. Keep washing your hands keep washing your plastic packaging and leave your 5.8million Government letter alone for 24hrs because it stays on surfaces https://www.inverness-courier.co.uk/news/royal-mail-begins-delivering-virus-advice-to-30-million-homes-195864/

Some still not believing it's as bad as is being made out to be.  Hardly anyone wearing masks or gloves.

10.4.20

Although physical distancing is getting better, the virus is still spreading.

Instead of tattle telling on your neighbour be more proactive with telling our Government that they need to implement across board advice regarding cross contamination and how long it stays on surfaces and about asymptomatic carriers.  Tell your Government that more than just NHS frontline workers need PPE. Care workers, shop people, anyone who is regularly going out for their work and not working from home. Staff should be taking regular handwashing breaks/glove changing for their own safety and wearing proper masks. I actually really feel everyone should be wearing proper masks and gloves. No one should be a lottery on living or dying.

The 3 weeks is up soon and it seems the estimated few weeks has become much longer than weeks and most likely will be months.

I now personally know people with underlying health issues who have died as young as 65 and people with no underlying health issues being ventilated ahe 47, or in a very serious condition, sadly some children are dying too.  I now know people who have had the mild symptoms and it's been hell and some it's been a breeze. I don't personally know anyone who has it asymptomatically and is still spreading the virus because ASYMPTOMATIC 
https://www.cebm.net/covid-19/covid-19-what-proportion-are-asymptomatic/


We still can't get effective test, tests are arriving already infected, apparently common with new tests. Testing is unreliable and doesn't give a full enough picture.  https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/health-51943612

Some still not taking it seriously. 

Government not doing enough soon enough compared to other countries. https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2020/04/coronavirus-deaths-rise-signs-progress-live-updates-200409231002574.html

Out and about a few more people wearing gloves and masks but not enough IMO

It kind of feels we are rather easily slipping into a totalitarian state. 

Also I am trying to track Scotland figures, but they keep changing the goal posts and I'm totally convinced the numbers cannot possibly be accurate because there is no proper testing and people who are getting it mild are not counted in the final figures of the day for Scottish Government statistics only hospital patients are.

The whole thing is a crazy rammy where nobody knows exactly what's going on because we are living it in real time and it changes daily, sometimes hourly and unless you have an entire day to be able to just research, then how can we know wtf is really going on. Hence lack of sleep once kids are in bed.

China has reported no new deaths but they've already said that before. https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/04/07/828827326/china-reports-its-first-day-with-no-new-covid-19-deaths



Stay at home more.

What else can we do? 

I need sleep.