I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Saturday, 29 June 2013

Look to yourself American's

This is sickening and preposterous and would be funny if it wasn't so crazy. All Mr Rogers was doing was trying to get parents to love their kids a bit more and pressure them a bit less. So utterly ridiculous it actually makes me angry that someone has decided a man who dedicated his life to building children's self esteem and confidence through kindness and compassion is actually to blame for a 'generation' of kids with 'issues'. Look elsewhere America you'll work it out soon...it's not rocket science as to why (you think) these kids have 'issues' *sigh*

We didn't have it here but from what I've seen he is a lovely kind man trying to bring kindness to the world.

Did you watch this as a kid? Is he wrong?

Friday, 28 June 2013

This made my night....

I absolutely LOVE that there are people in Iran and Latvia!! Iran!!!!!!!! Thats crazy!

Pageviews by Countries
Graph of most popular countries among blog viewers

United Kingdom
United States

Thinking about it though, most of those are probably the spam commentators I've been getting by the millions!!! Still, I thought it was cool!

It'snot fun

Just when I thought my days of crawling through germ infested smelly tunnels and climbing up manky pain inducing rope ladders was over, the soft play strikes again. 

This time with all three of my girls now able to enjoy the mahassoove gross space of snot and lingering urine I find myself being pulled in three different directions. 

In my head it seemed like a perfect plan, Maia had been invited to the party, so Ellie, Millie and I would hang out in the baby area, right next to the main bit and I wouldn't need to move much because Millie would follow Ellie and it would be small and baby easy and Ellie could go to the main bit and everyone could see each other. Except, it wasn't.  It had been refurbished and maxed out. The baby area was now the furthest possible place away from the main bit and was huge. It wasn't fair to let Millie be dragged round by Ellie and besides I was *needed* to go with. Look. Look. Look at this mummy. Look. Look. Look at me mummy!! Millie meanwhile was in plastic ball licking heaven and I gave up trying to stop that, hoping my breast milk would provide enough immunity. 

Then Maia wanted me to be with her in the main bit, so we all traipsed over there     but its impossible to keep up with the girls whilst also following at Millie's pace on her ball licking expedition. Ellie kept getting upset because she would zoom off, expect me to follow her then eventually come back and accuse me of leaving her behind???!

Then it was party room time but as Ellie wasn't the invited one, I had to leave Maia there and take a sobbing Ellie away. A few mins later, Maia turned up beside us because she did not want to stay in the room without me. So, it was another family trip in the main bit this time 'helping' Millie to go the same places with a ball in each hand!  

We are heading for the tramampolines. Ellie had excitedly said before we went, that she wanted to go there with Millie. Unfortunately in her excitement, on her way up a slope, she whacked a wee girl in the face. She then refused to even acknowledge she had done anything and did her annoying pretending to hurt herself thing as if that would negate what she had done. I was really upset that she seemed oblivious to the other girls upset which made Ellie upset and basically it all went pear shaped from then on. By the time we made it to the tramampolines, Ellie refused to go on them saying she never wanted to in the first place and sat crying. Wow that girl confuses me and makes situations WAY more difficult than they need to be. She eventually calmed down and wanted to show me something elsewhere and I decided to go along with it and try and bring us back on track. The higher and higher we were climbing, the hotter and hotter it was becoming. I could see far down below all the other mums and dads sitting chatting, drinking pina coladas (not really!) and generally enjoying their alone time -  except for one dad peculiarly randomly running at top speed every few mins towards the play area?? This was not enjoyable. I needed to get down. I needed to find my happy place.  This time I was smart enough not to take the sore bum slides!! 

It really was the most stressful time in a fun place I have had in a long time. 

I think I'll wait till Millie is old enough to follow the girls by herself. I miss being able to sit. Or else, hubby can take them next time. 

I swear to you though,  if I see any sign of snot I am suing! Mind you it's probably my girls spreading this time since they've both been spiking fevers the last few days!! Oops. My bad.

Meltdowns - several
Losing the plot - just my mind
Breastfeeding - had better do what it says on the tin

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Run up to summer

There are 5 days left of school. Last week I was rather excited with the prospect of another year of school being over. This week I'm already feeling quite unmotivated, really really tired and kind of overwhelmed with everyone's needs. I can't really muster up the enthusiasm for final week of school. The final push is upon us and I can't be bothered. 


It will mean no more stressy mornings for a while of herding everyone up, dressed and out the door with something, anything (yes tobelerone is breakfast) in their tummies which will be amazing.

It will mean no more shouting at Ellie who has recently decided not to get into her seat so when I leave the driveway, she shrieks and freaks because she is not strapped in, doesn't have her school bag and forgot her shoes (school not gym), even though she has had plenty of time. 

It will mean no more 6 trips a day dropping and picking up various kids. In fact it will mean no more for at least two years!!!! Yes! Maia is going into primary one! It will be just Millie and I for the whole day!! I won't know what to do with myself!!! And no it's not time for another one.....yet!

It will mean no longer even attempting to make it to school on time. I can count on one hand the amount of times we've managed it. 


I'm looking forward to all of the above not happening. I'm looking forward to having more quality time with my girls. I guess, yes, I am looking forward to the summer!!


Just let me catch up on some sleep first and maybe get a wee massage before the full on full time wonderful holidays start!


Meltdowns - frustrated due to tiredness ones
Losing the Plot - frustrated due to tiredness ones
Breastfeeding - too much for me at the moment, must be teeth

Interrupted nap

I thought I might get 5mins shut eye whilst the girls pottered about but I was kept awake by the sound of Maia making Millie laugh uncontrollably. Sometimes it's ok to be woken.....

Sunday, 16 June 2013

Games Day

We had our first family game of scrabble today, it was rather chaotic!! 

It started off just Barry and I, as we foolishly believed we wouldn't be interrupted much. We used to play loads pre unable-to-concentrate-or-focus-on-anything days. 

Millie was with us pottering about, but the minute she noticed the game on the table she wanted on my knee and on the table and eventually on the board. Then Maia came in and joined us, I tried to pass off that she only needed one tile to play thinking she would not stay that long anyway and one or two used tiles wouldn't disrupt the game too much. This worked for a few shots until Ellie joined us, she must have disengaged from her Saturday TV viewing fest to notice that she was sitting on her own! Once Ellie had all seven tiles it was harder to not give Maia the same. So, now its Ellie's turn and it's way too long for Maia to wait her turn, so she ends up on my mobile.  Meanwhile Millie has disappeared to the other room and I realise its too quiet and find her in Maia's porridge bowl face first, I leave her to it. Maia takes her turn, I leave her to it as well. She has her own way of playing. It's best not to get involved. 

I didn't think things through and now Millie has returned smearing porridge all through the house!! I'd asked Maia to take her bowl through earlier, so I decided that was natural consequence enough and handed her a wipe asking her to take the bowl through now and clear up the porridge. To my amazement she does but that takes her back in the room with the computers, so she doesn't return to the game (except once to state she did not want her tiles moved AT ALL and that she wanted to play a game she knew how to play, which I said we would)

By now, Millie is not a happy camper and is crying to be lifted up every few minutes but as soon as she is up she is all over the game as a reachy, grabby, wanting to be involved baby so I put her down again. She gets even more upset at that wants milk for comfort which revives her and she goes for the game again, so Ellie gives her the tile holder which amuses her for a few minutes but them she wants up again... AD INFINITUM!!! 

By this time, both girls are in the other room.  Maia is running in shouting "have you finished yet?" and Ellie is running in shouting "is it my turn yet" every other minute. Hubby's done a runner somewhere and I'm sitting at the table feeding Millie unable to concentrate focus or move and I'm wondering how I ever thought this could work. But you know, it kinda did!! 

(It wasn't till a few turns and mayhem later, that I realised my error, can you spot it!!?)

All in all for a first family game of a grown-up game it went reasonably well. No meltdowns. No plot losings. Lots of breast feeding!!

Twister was more fun!

Maia's words are along the bottom!

Friday, 14 June 2013

Hope you are all

















Being Together 

Saturday, 8 June 2013

If music be the food of love

Music has always been sort of an emotional soundtrack for me. I listen and love the words and move and LOVE dancing to the tunes. Words of certain songs always catch me in my head and heart first which move me emotionally then the tune enters my body to move me physically.
 I also find I often hear songs in the words that people say when they speak or type and find it really hard not to burst into song! I also used to be the one who would have the same song on repeat endlessly until I'd learnt the words or drowned my thoughts or soundtracked a depressed period. The Sheryl Crow song 'No-one said it would be easy'  has featured heavily in my life, especially during a particularly hard relationship which was fairly near it's end! 

Anyway today I caught some time and was listening to another song that I felt particularly soundtracked my life once called "I'm waiting for my real life to begin" by Colin Hay. I'd been reminded of it recently and was wondering if it still rang true, so wanted to remember the lyrics. 

Whilst listening to it and knowing that obviously 'This IS my real life', its always been my real life, warts and all, and despite hubby being away for 6 days (so first time ever I've been with all three on my own for so long) then him coming home and us having a big argument where I was - what looked like from afar - a crazy lady bawling at her husband in the street as he (finally after being home 2days) leaves the house taking with him all three kids (which I practically had to manhandle into the car), I realise that the song although having a glimmer of recognition for newer and greener pastures (en-famille of course!), doesn't ring so negatively anymore. 
BUT and I kid you not, the next lot of songs/words that came after this song were, a song called:-

I wish I still drank whiskey wine and beer 

And a tv program called:-

How not to live your life

Someone should make a song called:- "connection IS the key but fuck me its 10.30pm and neither of us can work out how to finish this game level, lets watch it on youtube and then lets go the fuck to bed"

Meltdowns - diverted with connection
Losing the Plot - inevitable
Breastfeeding - consistently inevitable and connecting

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Some people just say it so brilliantly...Episode 3

"What has thirty years of working with children, reading child development standards, helping parents with their children, tutoring children, helping mamas birth their babies, keeping up with the latest on brain development, observing parents, observing teachers, observing children, and living with children taught me? 

Quite a lot. Much of it unexpected. Here are some things.

Children are far more noble than most adults are comfortable with.

Adults say children are beastly in order to justify their beastly behavior towards children. 

Children are in a different stage of development than adults (much like butterflies and caterpillars, only backwards) and their values, needs, and capacities are perfectly suited to their growth and development as human beings. These values, needs, and capacities are completely different from and irritating to most adults even though they are advantageous to the species.

Babies understand a lot more than most adults think they do. Humility and wonder is in order.

Adults will let other adults get away with "mistakes" that children get punished for.

Children watch everything. Children hear everything. They are especially attentive to the secrets you think you're keeping. And they know a good many of them. And they tell them to trusted adults.

It is a simple matter to make a fair guess about how a family acts in private by watching how a young child behaves towards other children and listening to what the child says to other children when the parents aren't nearby. 

Children raised with compassion and mercy will show others compassion and mercy. Children whose rights have been honored and who have seen their parents honor the rights of others will act accordingly.

Nothing will make a person less certain about rearing children than having children of their own. They will make mistakes and err on the side of "looking good" in front of other parents when they should really err on the side of being compassionate, tender, and merciful to their children."


I'm having negative thoughts tonight again. I'm trying to write it out to turn it around but it's like I can never get away from the fear of my girls having the same emotional unhappiness I experienced day in day out whilst growing up. The lack of control over my life. The lack of direction. The lack of knowledge despite the massive pressurising push towards qualifications.  The lack of skills.  The lack of esteem. The lack of confidence. The pressure of conformity. The pressure of failure.  The pressure to not be a nobody to be so much more. The confusion. The complication. The hurt.  The pain. The upset. The feeling wrong inside. The drink. The drugs. The self abuse. 

Actually my kids can have the sex, the drugs and the rock and roll!!!

I've always been led to believe that everyone does the right thing in the end. That goodness will out. That it will all turn out ok in the end. That everything works itself out eventually. That everything will be ok. (except for the exception to the rules of course!)

How can you ever know that the right thing is the right thing? 

What if 'your' right thing is often so diametrically opposed to almost everyone around you?

Should I compromise my beliefs to make life easier for myself even if I believe it is damaging to do so? 

Would you?

Monday, 3 June 2013

Rewards and Punishments 6yr old logic

Discussing punishments and bribery in the car on the way home......

Ellie "I want a punishment. No wait a bribe. If we don't go on moshi monsters for a whole day you get us ice cream. Bribery is much better than punishment."

Me "I'm not going to use bribery to get you to do or not do something because then you will never do anything without a reward or because you want to"

Ellie almost crying "Nooooo, I want you to bribe me"

Me "Your reward is the knowledge that you are doing something through your own choice and we have a happy family because we are all helping each other"

Maia pipes up "If I don't go to the bank tomorrow, you'll get me ice cream, that's a bribe"

Me "We are not going to the bank tomorrow"

Ellie "So we can get ice cream then!"

Meltdown - because I won't bribe!
Losing the plot - huge bedtime one
Breastfeeding - owie bitey

Nursery or behave!

I've just remembered that during the meeting with school nurse and acting head, they kept offering Maia the opportunity to go next door and play in the nursery. I'd already asked her before we went in if she wanted to go to the nursery whilst I was in the meeting and I'd pick her up after. So I already knew she didn't want to go. She kept saying no to them. To each thing they suggested or offered throughout the meeting as a way to entice her into nursery she stood up for herself and said no. There were possibly about four maybe five different things (maybe more, it was  said in a lot of different ways)

They are playing party games - They are singing - Ooooooo doesn't it sound fun - don't you want to go?  La la la la la la la what else can we say to make you go away ♪♫ ♪♫

I'm ashamed to realise now that even I got caught up in the whole thing and when she started doing her I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry repetition game she SO loves to do I suggested she could go get a snack at the nursery.  So thats when they were impressed when I said to Maia 'you can either sit here quietly or you can go through to the nursery'

I can't believe I used nursery as a threat and punishment (since we all knew quite clearly that she didn't want to go) and that was ok!!!

There is something ironic or funny about it. I think. Somewhere in there. There must be. Otherwise it's just sad. Almost as sad as Ellie's introduction to nursery

Meltdown - none its the weekend
Losing the Plot - none its the weekend
Breastfeeding - all weekend!

Sunday, 2 June 2013

Not a loser - The Big C

"You know, healthy people they've really gotta stop saying things like 

She fought to the end
he battled cancer

Because then when they die you have to say 

they lost their battle to cancer

You're saying they're a loser. They're a loser? Because they died? What was their choices?

Did you ever think, If we all live forever none would ever have babies. There would be no space 

Dying is necessary. 

It's important. It sucks. 

So when we do, don't criticise us on the way out. Just say goodbye and thank you and you're not a loser."

The Big C