I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Thursday, 12 December 2013

A Few Good Meltdowns

Every time hubby uses 'a few' in a sentence I automatically think that means two and so tonight when I responded with "two months that's not very much" (it could just as easily have been "two months that's loads, just depends on the conversation) he says "it's not two it's a few".  Then I remember he doesn't think the same as me with regards to a few (things!). So I jokingly say "a few *is* two" and then because I know what he is going to say I copy him and we say at the same time "two is a couple."  You kind of had to be there. It was a bit funny. Standard length of time argument we seem to always have. 

He thinks I exaggerate. Say always when I mean sometimes. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. Exaggerating can add effect. Emphasises my feelings. You *always* do x y z....Anyway, that's a different argument. 

So, it got me thinking. 

A few months
A few weeks
A few days
A few hours
A few minutes
A few seconds

If time is arbitrary to a kid and any length of time interminable (especially waiting for mummy to help/fix/read/clean/wipe/reach/touch/feed/watch/fetch/stop you from falling of a high thing) a few minutes to a newborn baby waiting for milk can seem like a few hours. A few minutes for a kid waiting for help can feel like f. o. r.  e. v. e. r. 

It's really hard to wait when you're little. 

So when you say 'a few' how many do you mean? What's a few? (I have a great desire to respond with bless you. A few. Bless you. Anyway...)

"I'll be there in a few minutes"
"Just a second"
"Give me a few minutes would you?"
"Hang on a second"

So next time you ask your kid to wait, think about how long their waiting capacity is and whether what *you* are doing can wait. Responding to your child's needs sooner rather then later sets them up for knowing that you are there for them when it's needed, and as they get older, waiting becomes easier.  It could also help avoid a few meltdowns which is always a bonus! 

Meltdowns - after school specials
Losing the Plot - becoming harder again to remain zen
Breastfeeding - No I won't move and you're not allowed to ask me to. 

Monday, 9 December 2013

Don't let the prize become the motivator aka It's great having a prize but the prize should not be the main focus

Until you are able to do it more, it's my job to help you feel better about stuff. Until you are able to do it more, It's my job to help you stop worrying about stuff. 

So I want you to stop worrying about your schoolwork. I don't want you to stop trying, but I do want you to stop worrying about what you know and what you don't know. 

It's ok to not know stuff just now. You are only 7. There is plenty of time to learn it. You don't have to know everything. It's ok to need help to learn it. You don't need to do it by yourself. I know you wish you knew it all already. I know it frustrates and worries you that you think you don't enough. You know exactly what you need to know for this moment. 

As you get older, you'll know more and more but right now, I know worrying isn't helping you. It isn't making you feel better about stuff. It's making you feel worse. I wish I could take your worry away. 

If you always talk to me and tell me your worries, then I will help you to feel better. Always. 

I love you. Daddy loves you. Maia loves you. Millie loves you. 

And I will get you a prize whether you pass the test or not. Yes and Maia too. Don't worry. 

Meltdowns - kind of continuous with added high pitched whininess 
Losing the plot - trying so very hard not to
Breastfeeding - there has been an increased need from one and a great interest and desire from the other two!

Friday, 6 December 2013

Going up. First floor :- getting things in motion!

Life is starting once again to have the hallmarks of those hazy crazy times when I was busy and getting out and about and therefore experiencing the lunacy that is: doing anything with children.

That ridiculous amount of time it takes to get from one point to another. That ludicrous floorshow that is getting to the car after being somewhere interesting and fun. That hilarious moment of insisting car seats are not the devil and that it really IS time to get in it. That crazy stupid thing of waking a baby to get her in a car seat. Or just trying to get her in the pram. 

For quite a long time,  I've been taking the girls to school, walking the dog with Millie in the pram, coming home and basically recovering.  Most days, sitting on the sofa, often sleeping when Millie slept, watching highly entertaining American dramas about busy people loving their lives. I've barely gone anywhere or done anything. I've been knackered. I've felt persecuted. I've felt way more stressed than I could handle. I was probably depressed and I was certainly done in. I'd basically just had enough. I'd had enough of being a mum. It was just too hard. I was too alone and too overworked. 

The last few months, I've seen a therapist and I've taken some steps to sort things out. I've contacted an organisation and sorted someone to come over for a couple of hours once a week. Doesn't sound like much but she's been once and I'm sure as hell looking forward to this weeks visit! I've spent more time wandering about 'aimlessly' with Millie on our morning dog walks. I've been making MAJOR efforts to go to more things like NIN and singing and playgroups. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I just didn't have the mental or physical energy to move my arse!! I've been taking my pain killers more regularly.  I've taken steps to help our financial situation.  I've stopped worrying about the big bad wolf coming to our door because we have NOTHING to hide. I've taken back control of my life.

The way we parent is our business and our kids are thriving.  Let them come. Let them see. Let me ROAR!!!

So here's to the instigation of good ole fashioned Berlow-Jackson fun and craziness. Do join me :D

Meltdowns - Millie knows how to now, with the best of them
Losing the Plot - not even looking for it anymore
Breastfeeding - getting closer and closer to World Health Organisations minimum recommended age. Will I continue...!