I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Monday, 17 September 2012

Status Update

My Iphone has gone missing so I have been unable to put the following statuses/statusi/stati?? on my facebook as getting to my computer is not as simple as it sounds.  You'll either be relieved or disappointed.....

Miriam Berlow-Jackson has this on her mind:

Girls using iphone waaaay more than me these days

Millie is now sitting up for significant periods of time before faceplanting onto nearest object (this would be attached to a video included bar faceplanting - can get faceplanting video if so desired)

I can't find my Iphone

Ellie has THE smelliest ear infection ever.  So much for operation to stop all that nonsense. 

I can't find my pot

Maia had her first ear infection ever. She was wailing the fact at 3am ("I've never had an ear ifekshun.  Nothing is going to fix it") whilst Millie was screaming with an unidentifiable baby issue.  THAT was a great night! .  Belladonna, chamomilla and hot pack given.  All gone in morning

I did my first 'job' today.  Very nervous, mainly due to briefing notes being impossibly written with awful grammar issues.  I also miscalculated petrol costs on another job and went far away for no money.  Girls had fun in woods whilst there though, so not all terrible.  Number dyslexia again. DOH!

I still can't find my pot.  Its the only one that fits my corn on the cob.

Baths and showers are STILL the best thing to keep the girls busy for a long time (This would be attached to a bath picture, I couldn't choose which one, so picked a load)

Millie is sucking her thumb way more than I am comfortable with.  (This would be attached to this link to explain my madness)

Having your husband wash stuff you have already washed and dried is both sweet and extremely irritating all at the same time

Ellie has started telling jokes.  She reads them from a book.  She changes the joke to her own interpretation.  Should I laugh at EVERY one or just the funny ones?

Falling asleep when the girls do (at 9pm) is something I have avoided until now. #sotiredallthebloodytime

Rileyboy got tics and an itchy tail and is basically bugging the hell out of me at the moment

Whenever I try to do something around the house, there girls are always within 2cm of my space turning it into a den.

Porridge smoothie ice lollies are THE best emergency breakfast there is.  So are  graze boxes.  This would be attached to a code to get a free graze box from me! Z828XQV

I've started a book for the first time in about a year.  The book is never beside me when I sit to feed Millie

I love this listing things idea I tweaked from Nucking Futs Mama, but I don't think its sustainable.  I have SO much going on in my head ALL the time, it would be a never ending list (in fact I have added on at lease five since I published it1)

I bloody hope chick peas ARE healthy because I am living on houmous at the moment.  Quickest, easiest thing to have for lunch and snacks

So much for wanting only natural wooden teething toys for Millie, the plastic tat is insidious.

Maia playing the Shofar for two hours solid (including in the car) is not as amazing as it sounds

I signed up to a blog network to try and promote my blog.  As far as I can tell its just put junk mail in my inbox (grrr) and  adverts on my blog (double grr).  

Hearing Millie giggle now makes my day go SO much better

Does anyone want to start a housework/kids playing co-op?  Sounds a bit of an oxymoron but it COULD work!

Dinner at mum's is always tasty and never as bad as hubby imagines. 

Chag Sameach.  Happy New Year

Meltdowns - lessening  
Losing the Plot - always about the amount of housework
Breastfeeding - surely better than a thumb? *sniff*

Friday, 14 September 2012

I imagine I know

I am your mother
I cannot imagine not knowing you as well as I do now
I imagine you understand exactly what I am saying
I cannot imagine you ever not telling me how you are feeling
I imagine you know what that is most of the time
I cannot imagine you ever not saying

I wish I knew for definite how to not lose that.

Sometimes I can feel you slipping slowly away. So vividly.
Thankfully most times I can feel you reaching out and we catch each other. We connect. We communicate. We love.

Losing the Plot

♪♫ And now, the end is near ♪♫

Tonight I said we shouldn't have had another kid. We are in such financial sheep shite that I will have to get a job.  We are constantly running at a deficit. Every month I say this happens every month and every month Barry says it doesn't. I know it won't go on forever but every week...month....year....years it goes on adds another week...month...year...years of stress worry and unhappiness.

It's hard being used to a certain level of affluence to then have to be frugal. I admit I am shite at it.

Does recycling the baby wipes three times count or am I just wasting my time because I use the tumble dryer, the dish washer and the shower anyway?  

My point is. I actually said that. And I don't mean it. Millie is adorable. But leaving her to go back to work, could I do that? Do I have a choice? Other people do it. I just never wanted to be one of those people who never had the choice. Because I choose not
Be separated from my
Children because I
Believe our societies continuum is broken and the next generation is working towards fixing it.  If I break them by that basic premis of the first few years of a child's live being the most important for development emotionally physically and mentally I truly believe I am contributing to that broken society. Also she is MY baby. I didn't have a baby to give her to someone else. I have a hard enough time doing that with my other two. No one should want to give their baby to someone else to look after. Some people have no problem with it. Most people believe its normal. 

I don't. I will find a way.

It has been six years though. From student life to full time lawyer for hubby. From full time worker to full time mothering for me. I think we made a good run of it. We made a conscious decision for me to be with my babies. We've begged borrowed worked and cashed in on our lives for long enough. The magic thinking is definitely broken.  Millie is the one who could suffer.

"Once you start deliberately offering thought, then you can never offer enough action to keep up with the thought. Once you access the Energy that creates worlds, a huge vortex comes into place, and there's just not enough action for you to keep up with that. And so, what you have to do is visualize every step of the way, envision you happy in the process. Envision things in place, envision people catching on. Just envision it working. Skip over the how and the where and the when and the who — and just stay focused upon the what and the why." Abraham

Meltdowns - Spectacular
Losing the Plot - ugly
Breastfeeding - all over the place. Snot afoot

*this was written a few weeks ago. I am making headway on the hedge fund (every little helps) and my ever generous and life saving mum has hedged her funds (and bets that we can pay her back!) on us. That's us sorted for another month or so.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Are we having fun yet?

Who am I kidding!!  Not only have I not had a minute to pee since the schools went back, the computer is back in the bedroom - standing space only. *sigh*

So much for my vision of sitting writing at a desk and being all happy about that.  

Aside from the fact that hubby was MOST put out with me stealing his sacred shed space.  So perturbed was he that every time he went in the room, he developed a sort of sickness that rendered him incapable of sharing.

Then there's been the back to school palaver.  There was me imagining a 'lady wot lunches' type scenario of languishing decadence.  The reality is, somewhat different.  Often times Maia refuses to go, so stays with me.  We don't force our kids to go to nursery if they really don't want to go.  As Maia so succinctly puts it to the horrified dog walkers in the park. 'its my choice'.  We had similar issues of non-attendance with Ellie, but far worse.  She was emotionally not ready and seriously upset at the thought of leaving me and staying in this room full of strangers.  Maia on the other hand is quite matter of fact and calm and just wants to be with mummy.  Well why wouldn't she!  On the days she does go, by the time I have walked the dog, brought said wet dog home to hose, changed and fed and settled a wet Millie, it is time to go and pick up Maia again and sort out lunch.  

On the days she does go to nursery and because Ellie is not with her, her need for connection has tripled.  I am finding myself unable to complete any tasks without Maia wanting me to play, read, jump, sit, now now now now now.  'In a minute' I try.  'NO NOW' she responds.  Very clear is Maia in her needs!

The rest of the afternoon is muddled between Maia and Millie and house until its time to pick up Ellie.  with six, yes SIX journeys a day, poor Millie is often being woken to move her from house to car to car to house to bed to car to back to front inside outside puppy dogs tails...I'm dizzy thinking about it and come 5pm, she has had enough and just wants boob and stillness and sleep.

Bedtime is total military operation now.  During the holidays the girls were regularly up past 10pm, so we are having to work quite hard to reset their body clocks.  It basically means, that we start bedtime fairly soon after they have eaten and on a good night they are in bed by 9pm.  So hubby, who has taken to cycling to work, arrives home around 6.30pm-7pm ish.  We eat, I settle Millie.  The girls have a 20-30mins playtime, then the onslaught begins.    Ellie always decides its the best time to start playing silly buggers and runs about not brushing teeth and not getting undressed and basically NOT going to bed.  Maia is so tired she becomes overtired and starts jumping and bumping..basically if the two of them are together, its mayhem.  So we divide and conquer.  I am usually asleep before they are. I'm not sure if we actually converse during that time, sometimes we text each other!

Sometimes we wake up a few hours later, grunt hello to each other then zombie our way round the kitchen clearing up after dinners mess.  Usually we roll over and go back to sleep, after night time nappying and feeding Millie.

Meltdowns - little mini ones which sometimes accumulate to a massive bedtime one
Losing the Plot - minimal most of day till about 6pm
Breastfeeding - pffft of course!!