The world is full of people who either want to help or who want to call the police on me. I encounter them daily. I blame my hands off type parenting!
The day started off in its usual way. Girls up way too early, I crawl into their room to catch an extra 30mins.
It looks like we might actually make the bell today (for the second time this year). Feeling relatively calm even tho they didn't eat breakfast and the house looks like its been turned upside down, shaken then bombed. We try to open the car only to find it locked. No problem will just get my bag with my purse which I now diligently keep hanging up by the door now. Yes! I have finally trained myself not to leave it all in the car since the car got burgled. It's a pain in the neck but much sensibler. Obviously.
Bag not there. Ok. Still calm, these Pot pills are bloody fantastic. Quick look in house. Back to car. Maybe it's locked inside. Hubby took car to shops last night. Maybe he locked it with my bag inside (completely forgetting they stole the other key so not possible). Brainwave, spare key upstairs. Now this is where it gets complicated. Stupid annoying idiotic French computerised mind of its own keyless car uses a card to start that you can even keep in your pocket. Spare key part only opens door. Open door. Stupid annoying idiotic French computerised mind of its own keyless car doesn't like that I've done this and the alarm goes off. And won't stop. Bag not in car. Alarm finally stops but every time the door is opened alarm goes off again. I'm starting to attract attention. I can feel it. Come inside to get Millie's snowsuit on, still optimistic that bag will magically appear. It's bright orange. Hardly missable. Instruct Ellie to call hubby over and over in case he feels phone whilst cycling. Nope. Maia goes and double checks the car which sets alarm off again.
I'm now sitting on the stairs with an upset Millie who hates getting dressed and I'm thinking any minute now a neighbour is going to come storming over. Whilst I'm playing out the scenario in my head (which doesn't end well), the neighbour who gave us back our dogs poo (in a bag) and called the dog police on us, pops her head round the door. I'm nearing the end of my coping when she asks if everything is ok. She's here to help! Relief. But OMG the state of the house.
She tries to hold Millie whilst I look for the bag. Millie's having none of it and freaks out. She tries to engage the girls in a game of hunt the bag. Ellie tries the car again. Alarm goes off again. I start crying. We give up. Everyone is staying home today.
An hour later my cousin comes over to help and she takes Ellie to school then comes back to help me tidy up a bit. Amazeballs cuz engages Maia in felting with sharp scary needle and I fall asleep with Millie till its time to pick up Ellie.
Oh. Hubby finally texts back "Oops, bag in my green coat pocket". I resist the urge to text back FU only because its his birthday.
Since the dog didn't get a walk in the morning we go to the local park ad whilst the girls are in the play part I wander round the outside throwing the ball for him. Ellie comes to ask where Maia is and she comes running up behind us, next thing I see is a woman purposefully walking towards me to inform me that Maia had been waaay over there lost. I said she wasn't lost she just came back. She says she was waaay over there saying she didn't know where I was and she had decided to bring her back to the play park. She told me that other people had gathered and were getting the park ranger and they were probably calling the police and I was clearly not even aware or concerned that she was lost and that they will probably call social services on me. I said 'oh thanks for that'. She was very annoyed that I wasn't more flustered and walked off to get the Ranger.
I talked to Maia and explained that she can't walk off like that. She said she was looking for the yew berries. In fairness to the situation and had I actually been looking for her, I would have been able to see her, she wasn't *that* far away. Maia knows this park very well. I also trust her. Anyway I consider leaving but notice the woman come back with the ranger and steel myself for more accusations of neglect. I get the 'the park is full of weird men and I need to be more careful' lecture. Say yes of course, thank you and leave it at that only to turn round to hear Ellie shrieking her usual banshee shriek stuck at the top of a play piece with a crowd of mothers gathering under her scanning the place for her clearly neglectful non helicopter mother. I think it's time to leave.
The car won't open with the key card. Flip off the door cover and open car with key. Stupid annoying idiotic French computerised mind of its own keyless car doesn't like that. Alarm goes off. It's definitely time to leave now. Not before another woman comes over to see if everything is ok. I know how to fix this problem but am again grateful and relieved at the kindness.
Return home and pop over to the neighbour from this morning to say thank you, let her know where my bag was and check she wasn't going to call social services on me for the chaos this morning and state of the house. She isn't. Bonus!
Meltdowns - up high at playpark
Losing Plot - amazingly not
Breastfeeding - as ever