I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Thursday, 16 August 2012

I'm moving!

Check me...I have somewhere to sit, somewhere to put the computer and not have the hassle of moving it every time we need table space!! This is momentous! I have a space to write. I don't need to stand up all the time. My legs are thanking me, my coccyx may not! We moved in here 8months ago...but you know we've had things going on...life, baby, two children and dog type things.  Hubby has a week off and sorted the study...he likes to procrastinate, if something gets overwhelming, he does something else...he did a lot of it when we moved in, but it wasn't completely sorted (not sure it is now) but there is proper space on the desk now!!  The computer pretends its a laptop, but the battery is dead, so unplugging causes shut down, so it can't move about much. 

The other momentous event, is that whilst Ellie is back at school, primary two..cannot believe it, and this is the clincher, Maia is now morning nursery, so I get, after walking the dogs, TWO hours Milliemummy time.  I am most excited about this prospect and interested to see how it feels to be a one baby mummy for a few hours a day!  

In the meantime though, while hubby is home, I am now able to use the space, for a short time,  without a girliegirl coming in, taking over my space and using this computer, or needing me for ANYTHING!!  When hubby is back at work, we'll see how the space fairs!  Its funny how my computer is so much more enticing than any of the other 3 in the house (to be fair one doesn't work).  I sometimes like to think its really me they want to be with not my computer.

First day back, yesterday, went completely without hitch, without stress or lateness or upset or shouting.  Everyone got dressed without incident (actually Maia was already wearing her dress, she had wanted to sleep in the dress she had on...genius plan if you ask me), breakfast was soaking ready (for a change) to heat up and packed lunch was made the night before. Millie was settled and happy to have a daddy and a sister holding her.  I was super organised ready for anything mum yesterday. We even made it before the bell, that's at least a head start on last year.  I also have hubby home to help...hmmm.

Second day, wasn't as smoothly executed, but you'd never know and we made it for the bell again.  Ellie's having packed lunch and hubby made Maia change her dress, I frankly, would have left it. So much easier!

Well, I don't need to wait...25minutes. I managed 25minutes!! Then Millie wanted fed! Its nearly time to pick up Maia.....I'm thinking its not just space I need, time would be handy too.  OK sitting down one fingered typing it is.  I'm sure that's familiar to many!!

We also had our bi-annual dental trip. In hindsight, going on the first day back might not have been the best plan but it was the only available one and the girls had been complaining about various teeth related problems.  It's a 'trip' because the girls go to a holistic dentist which is about 40mins away.  We sometimes go down to the sea whilst there too.  I love our holistic dentist.  He agrees against flouride, mercury fillings and....

....3hrs later..Millie is not a happy bunny today and needed milk, movement and sleep (used sling swing) She has picked up ANOTHER cold  She has a terrible sore looking neck rash. The snot has returned.   She caught it from Ellie. I can't even say its from school this time. Maybe it was meteor gazing in Glasgow. Or getting wet the other day or maybe that's all a myth. Maybe they will never be ill when older cos their immune system is being built SOoooo strongly. Maybe that's a myth too...

...back to the dentist.  He also likes to do as little intervention as possible and it very pragmatic about the whole children and teeth brushing issue and even pulled out the cure tooth decay without brushing book.  I think I should re-start his emails.  He said the girls teeth are doing well, but that we need to keep an eye on Ellie's slight decay and make sure we get all the eaten food out and the right foods in.  Basically the girls need to start proper brushing again and cut down on the sugar!!

The way home was when it all went tits up. Thankfully I am not driving, although it may have been  better idea than being in the back with the girls.  We are all very tired. Ellie's balloon that she was SO excited to be getting burst because she was pulling it about to roughly inside the car.  She then attempted to burst Maia's which made me very mad.  Millie was screaming, so we stopped at the petrol station and got some crisps for all.  Ellie started taking Maia's crisps.  The bullying really triggers my already tired brain.  I am now in such a bad mood and start acting like petulant teenager or as if Ellie is my sister and we are fighting in the back of the car.  She is hitting me. I am shouting. Millie starts screaming again, she is NOT enjoying the car tonight (no wonder).  The rain is lashing down.  Ellie properly bursts Maia's balloon this time, but I can't tell if it was on purpose or not. I forget all about being the one who can calm the situation down.  I forget how to even start being a grown up. I forget that she has just had her first day back at school, it very tired, lost her coveted balloon and feels helpless.  Its a mess.  We are all unhappy.  Ellie tells me she is really angry with me.  I tell her I am angry with her. I have basically lost all notion of how to be the sensible adult and put my fingers in my ears and start singing la la la al al al ala la la really loudly.
He's ok with me be right in there!

We make it home but are all still fizzing.  I go upstairs to calm Millie down in a darkened room.  Ellie appears, asks if she can turn the light on, I explain I would like it dark to settle Millie, she turns it on any way.  I flip. Tell her to leave.  She says she hates me and is sleeping with daddy tonight.  Maia comes with me.  Once Millie is asleep, I go next door give her a big hug, apologise for my behaviour and tell her I will come in once Maia is asleep.  Unfortunately Maia takes so long to fall asleep, Ellie already had.

Lots of connection will be needed after school today me thinks.

From start to finish, and life, this post took me over 5 hours!! Space is great but time is definitely needed too!! ahhh the joys of my child related world!

Thank you school for this three day week.

Meltdowns - understandable
Losing the Plot - unacceptable
Breastfeeding - not liking right boob today

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