Whilst attempting to clean the kitchen after our bread making I had time to ponder on the merits of continually thinking that Ellie is not listening to me and feeling like every time I say something she automatically does the opposite. I am not imagining it, it really happens. So what’s the reason? I am not asking for complete compliance, just sometimes it would be really lovely if my girls heard me.
I just have to be quicker to reframe my words…instead of ‘stop we need that flour for the bread’ it should be ‘wait, lets get a different bag that you can explore’. So, instead of me becoming frustrated and annoyed and stopping exploration and enjoyment, we had this instead….
It’s not easy though, my mother expected me to do as she always wanted and said, still does....yet somehow it worked, I am not sure how. It worked till I was old enough to realize there was a different way? I am guessing she used guilt, threats, fear and plain old simple NO….a stopper to pleasure and exploration. I don't want this for my girls.
If I am programmed this way into thinking and expecting compliance from Ellie, then I am going to be frustrated and disappointed continually and Ellie has nothing to lose from staying this way. .she now deliberately does stuff to get a reaction from me….except she really doesn't want to be this way.....its one of those self fulfilling prophecy things that I tried hard to avoid for most of her life.
what to do? what to do?
meltdowns 1 huge massive hour long one
losing the plot 1 - in defence I was calm for 45mins of it
breastfeeding - tandem required today