I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Rude Awakening

I was woken by Ellie today in a way I have never experienced, and never hope to experience ever again. It was horrific.  Not a brilliant start to our day, I have to say.  She basically ambushed me so severely I had no idea what on earth was going on.  I was at a really interesting point in my dream and when I woke up I literally could not orientated myself meanwhile Ellie was flailing and grabbing at me for milk and screaming in my ear.  It has been at least 3months if not more (I can't remember) since I tried to have Ellie at 3milks a day, but she is a strong minded lassie and will not give it up.  And she seems to be accepting it less and less....its not getting easier, she is just not relinquishing the almighty Boob. I must be doing something wrong...or maybe she is that innately programmed to require want need milk that she is not going to give up without a fight?

I have a very ambiguous relationship with breastfeeding.  I completely and utterly believe in breastmilk and breastfeeding as a concept, but sometimes its  hard.  Hard to do it as much as they would want.  I am just not *that* giving it would seem. Serves me right for having two so close together I guess.  Although my breastfeeding relationship with Ellie was always a struggle right from the start.  Much like our relationship in general.

Anyway back to our day.  The wake up could have completely thrown me off course for the whole day, but I worked really hard at not allowing that to happen.  Mainly by going back to bed after breakfast for half an hour and letting Barry get them ready to go out.  Who know's how the day would have gone if he had not been there.  I shudder to think.  I was still feeling not quite right though.  Lets just proceed as if this is going really well as Christopher Walken says.

Barry in his infinite wisdom decided going to the Barras was a good idea...me in my infinite wisdom agreed.  Yes a family outing, that's what we need.  To a Glasgow Market in the East End of Glasgow...where I breastfed on a crate at the butchers stall and had a fight with the woman at the jewellery stand..look if you don't want people to look at your jewellery close up, don't put a handle on the display where my 3yr old can reach it..or better still just don't sell shiny stuff.  We navigated our way  back to the car in record time, and with minimal  upsets although I did have to stand by the stall with the man selling batteries, rizlas and razors for a considerable amount of time because Maia was adamant she wanted to explore the batteries.  I could tell she was desperate to open and shove them in her mouth but I managed to quench her exploration otherways and Barry enticed her elsewhere with promises of bigger and far more interesting things than batteries....did she find them?...who knows because at that point, Ellie decided she needed to pee and I decided peeing on a Glasgow street in the East End wasn't called for right at that moment, and I dashed through the market out the other end to a patch of grass.

Maybe the Gypsy woman who said we were lucky was right?  

Unfortunately some of our MummyEllie day was cancelled but we managed to stay pretty well connected right up until Flooby hour approached and I chickened out again realised I should get backup and found Barry & Maia in the park.  Can't beat a good swing to sort out the Floobies.  That and Barry taking them home on the train and me getting ANOTHER half an hour alone whilst I drove home. 

The rest of the evening went without drama, except for a slight indiscretion on my part involving a swear word and an adjective but there were scissors involved.

Bed time is a whole nother story all together

meltdowns - 1 horrific morning one
losing plot- staid in comparison
breastfeeding - on the butchers stall

1 comment:

  1. Are you getting paid for this? You should be!!! Wonderful read, and definitely worth publishing. Love you loads, everything you do is important, "here - let me help you until you are able to do it on your own" (Sod that, been there, done it all by myself and definitely don't want to do it again!!). Keep up the good work, all mothers, in their wisdom, are actually wonderful; purley by the fact that they managed to give birth in the first place. And listen, some animals sit on their kids and smother them, so if you manage to get through the day without doing that, you're doing pretty well. You are not the first, and the won't be the last, to be racked with a lack of confidence about how well you are doing as a mother/parent/other. Hell, I'm still knocking myself about it 20 years later, and I'll let you into a little secret - GG is nearly 90 and there are many times that he wishes he had "done it different". So from one "wish I was a better mother" to another "wonderful mother" - lots of love and I'll see you on Wednesday. x xxxxx x (Oh by the way - no pressies this time. I did buy two pressies today that I thought were two for £3 but when she rang them through the till they were £5 each so they went back!!!) xxx Big Hugs. xx