I'm having negative thoughts tonight again. I'm trying to write it out to turn it around but it's like I can never get away from the fear of my girls having the same emotional unhappiness I experienced day in day out whilst growing up. The lack of control over my life. The lack of direction. The lack of knowledge despite the massive pressurising push towards qualifications. The lack of skills. The lack of esteem. The lack of confidence. The pressure of conformity. The pressure of failure. The pressure to not be a nobody to be so much more. The confusion. The complication. The hurt. The pain. The upset. The feeling wrong inside. The drink. The drugs. The self abuse.
Actually my kids can have the sex, the drugs and the rock and roll!!!
I've always been led to believe that everyone does the right thing in the end. That goodness will out. That it will all turn out ok in the end. That everything works itself out eventually. That everything will be ok. (except for the exception to the rules of course!)
How can you ever know that the right thing is the right thing?
What if 'your' right thing is often so diametrically opposed to almost everyone around you?
Should I compromise my beliefs to make life easier for myself even if I believe it is damaging to do so?