love the crazy mean people

Why do I just expect that family would want to see the girls.  Would want to spend time with them, would want to get to know them, would want to be part of their lives?

Is this some crazy notion that I had of all living in a community?


According to continuum principles, one should let another person 'be' until they are ready, willing and able to become part of the community in which they live

Why do I find it so hard to ask for help?


I just can't ask, its strange, I just find it so difficult to ask for help with the girls.  I often desperately need it and I find myself wondering 'What's my problem? Why can't I just ask?'


I think the main problem was that I thought.... I shouldn't have to ask and following from that I don't want to force my should on to people, so I just waited until they wanted to....I mean its family...of course they would want to?

One reason is fear of rejection...the pattern for me has always been....involve people in my life....be myself, show them my 'me' side then invariably end up fighting with them.



Another problem which I have realised, is that with my way of parenting, Ellie and Maia did not spend time with family and friends alone until they were much older. So their bond is always going to be harder to develop, but not being able to spend alone time, shouldn't have stopped them from trying to develop it, then maybe it wouldn't be so hard now?  Maybe I should have been the one to go to them?  It took me almost a year to perfect actually getting out the house with two kids, so I am inclined to think not.

Edit* This post is from 2010 that I never published at the time 






























What if you come from a broken continuum and have a fucked up attitude to life? How can you accept that, how can you allow that to be....maybe you should love it more.


















love the crazy mean people


















Meltdowns - Losing the Plot - Breastfeeding -




(5.2.2011 

Old post never published from when the girls were young)