I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Friday, 7 December 2012

And so it begins. Strike Two?

Ok. Friends. Analyse this :-
( be brutal. Ok no. Be whatever is two below on the scale of brutal!!!)

At mums. Been slowly building relationship back up since last mahasoove blowout in October. But in that 'not treading on toes way'.

Mum: "it's not Chanukah already is it?. We just did Ellie's birthday. "


(We were talking about Maia's Chanukah present.)

Fuck me. I was a paragon. I said nothing. Except. Really I should have. Should I have? Is this my pattern? Do not say anything. Let is slide. Let it build. Pressure cooker. S.Trike threeee. Lose my cool. Have a fight. Grrrr for bit. Slowly make up. Ad infinitum.

Or am I psychologising again? Am I being over sensitive. Is there something wrong with me? Am I depressed?

" What's your problem" ?!!! (Once said to me as a greeting....erm. Hello to you too). I digress.

Actually her comment did not elicit the same reaction as it might have previously. Outrage. Indignation. Disgust. But should it have gone completely unnoticed, glossed over, like strike one? (Strike one is too heinous to divulge but...it was my birthday, I didn't hear it first hand and frankly I couldn't be arsed at the time. I had life to be getting on with)(I've not forgotten though!)

I'm certain I should have been NVC  in that situation but for the life of me I am unable to think that way around her. Think how she is thinking. Imagining where those thoughts are coming from. That simply because it was Ellie's birthday 12days ago (could seem like 4 to her because family party was 4 days ago) means "I am entitled to begrudge getting something for my other granddaughter for Chanukah".

Okay. Now I am getting angry. I'm going to stop thinking about it anymore!! Maybe I am psychologising too much.

I'm just glad Maia is a bit hard of hearing (due to cold) at the moment. What would she have heard?

'I'm not getting a Chanukah gift from grandma because it was Ellie's birthday the other day. ' ???

Now I know present giving should not be equated with love and worth and all tied up in that conditionality...but it's Chanukah. It's her granddaughter. Who doesn't love a present?

Not that she would EVER do it anyway, but why fucking say it?!

Shit. I said I wasn't going to talk about it again!!

Meltdowns : massive one in Morrisons. (Will tell that story)
Losing the plot: resounding NO!
Breastfeeding: getting out and about again. I've been missing my supermarket feeds whilst sitting on the toilet rolls in the toilet roll aisle. (The bigger the store, the comfier the seat!)

1 comment:

  1. I would choose it to mean, "wow, time is flying!" instead of "wtf, I have to buy another present."