Just another day in Paradise

I had a meeting yesterday with school nurse supposedly about Ellie's eating. They were concerned because when she has had packed lunch she always seems to be hungry. She is in a phase right now of limiting a lot of foods and not eating ones she used to. I thought we were there to discuss food and diet. 

They started talking again about her not brushing hair and occasional not clean clothes (she *is* a messy eater) and how it could cause problems for her in high school singling herself out. 

They mentioned how she often doesn't have a drink with her and I said I thought you gave her water in school and that we are on a budget so if she drinks all her juice she has none for school, a natural consequence. I said she used to bring a bottle but it always came home full and I had expected the school to encourage her to drink. 

They mentioned not doing homework and how it could be a problem in high school. I said she is only in primary two!

I explained that we don't force her to do her homework but we do talk and read at home about lots of different things especially numbers and language. I asked her if she had heard of Alfie khon and the idea that homework is not so necessary at this age and is just more pressure. She kept bringing up high school being an issue if she doesn't do these things now. 

She asked if we sit together to eat and what happens if they don't finish their dinner do they still get a 'treat' and suggested rewarding them if they do eat. I tried to explain how I'm working towards the girls having autonomy and an understanding of their own body and hunger etc and how we don't make them perform for rewards and sometimes we sit together and sometimes it's just not possible with hubby's working hours.  

She asked about what disciplines we use for bad behaviours I asked what she meant by bad behaviour. I gave her the example of bed time not working and how we discussed together what we could do to make it work better. She told me her own story of controlled crying. I really cant believe its still advocated?? I said I would never in a month of Sundays do controlled crying that there was a lot of research out there now to negate it and she got all bristly and told me her 16yr old was 'perfect' and then she mentioned Triple P *sigh* (I am plagued by Triple P, I hate it) and I explained we do natural consequences and don't use rewards and punishment. Also Triple P advocates time outs which we definitely don't do!!

They brought up again how Ellie is by herself in playground by her choosing and how they try to engage her in play with other kids but she refuses. She asked how things were now after we had spoken to her teacher about Ellie feeling bullied and I said she is not refusing school just now and the teacher was going to investigate things so it helped to talk about it. 

She seemed impressed with how I spoke to Maia when she started to get noisy.  I said she could go through to the nursery or sit quietly with me. They kept 'quizzing' her knowledge and asking about going to school. If she was looking forward to it etc. Maia I know has had enough of that question since she repeatedly tells me she is NOT going to school!!!

I'm fairly sure she just thought we were lax parents who let our kids make their own decisions and run their own lives without any thought, care or input from me and that it would come back to bite us. She kept saying how she's heard we parent 'differently'. I should have asked what she thought that meant. 

I felt under scrutiny for my parenting techniques as usual and I'm afraid I wasn't very forthcoming and up for defending myself. I'm also exceedingly tired just now, so it seemed kind of pointless trying to justify our lives when I'm feeling this way. I'm thinking Millie wearing her split crotch EC pants (with a nappy) didn't help my case!!!

Its just as well I'm not so vulnerable to 'mainstream' parenting techniques because she was being all reasonable and clearly thought I was making problems for myself and should do things her way. 

I actually don't feel I handled it well at all, I felt sullen and pouty and probably did some WTF type eye rolling. I wasn't vocal enough in defence and advocating for us as a family because there didn't seem any point and I was too tired to have to justify my parenting. Again.  

Thinking back on it after, I was pissed off it wasn't more about food and felt like an attack, so, at pick up, I bravely went up to the acting head and said 'I thought the meeting was about Ellie and her diet I was a bit shocked to have my parenting under scrutiny and feeling I had to justify my parenting style. I felt bamboozled and totally unprepared."

She smiled sweetly and said 'yes the nurse noticed you were not receptive to advice but really it's all in the spirit of trying to support you'

I mean, who IS receptive to parenting advice when they didn't ask for it??

I'm too tired and weary to be too angry but FFS it was meant to be about diet.  I know they were just trying to find a way to support me. A cleaner, a cook, a driver and a tribe would be a good starting point!!

I'm trying not to take it all too seriously but maybe that's my problem. Ellie out of school is happy confident lively friendly communicative little girl who is oblivious to societies hang ups. As any bloody kid should be.

She's only 6 FFS!!

Meltdowns - not today

Losing the plot - just once after Ellie refused to get me a nappy whilst she was already upstairs 

Breastfeeding - realising I offer one more than other so am lopsided

Some people just say it so brilliantly...Episode 2

Blog post from Pinky Mckay

http://www.pinkymckay.com/

You thought I was nice didn’t you?  Actually, I am a cranky old cow – I swear too!  You see, it seems to me that the world of babies is going to hell in a hand-basket.  And that brings out my inner bitch – big time!

I know there have always been the ‘Tamers’ and the ‘Cuddlers’, but it’s getting worse!

I get a couple of hundred emails a day about babies from all sorts of people Most of my emails are from the ‘Cuddlers’ (I love you!). Others (far too many – haven’t they read my books before they email me?) are from ‘Tamers’.

The ‘Tamers’ give me the shits!  Not only are they disrespectful to the ‘Cuddlers’ (hang in there Cuddlers, you are doing a wonderful job!), but they are disrespectful to their own babies. They talk about their babies as though they are objects – badly behaved object s at that. They use words like ‘stubborn’ and ‘manipulating’ to describe these little people.

I am a proud ‘Cuddler’.  I don’t have time to keep answering stupid questions from dipshits with ridiculous expectations of teeny, tiny babies, so I have made a FAQ list especially for the ‘Tamers’.

So, Tamers, if you want a quick fix, just check your question here.

1/ WHY DOES MY BABY CRY WHEN I LEAVE HIM IN HIS COT?

How the hell is he supposed to know he’s in a ‘fancy pants’ safety standards approved cot with a monitor on the wall and neurotic parents watching his every peep through the screen on their super- duper phone ( between checking everybody else’s train-wreck lives on facebook!).

For Pete’s sake (I hope ‘Pete’ was a Cuddler), you have a stone age baby in a space age world! He is programmed to expect a sabre tooth tiger or a crocodile or an eagle to swoop and gobble him up if he’s all alone. So don’t leave him alone in the frigging cot if he gets upset. If he’s still crying, for goodness sake pick the poor little bugger up before he is overcome with stress hormones that will fry his tiny brain and screw him up for life!

2/ WHY DOES MY BABY CRY WHEN I DON’T PICK HIM UP?

He’s trying to communicate with you. If you don’t ‘listen’ when he tries to ask you nicely, he will yell louder to make sure you hear. Get it? He needs YOU to PICK HIM UP!! (See number 1)

3/ WHY DOES MY BABY CRY IF I WON’T FEED HIM FOR 4 HOURS?

Let’s see, how long do you go without reaching for the chocolate or caffeine? Or grabbing a sip of water from your water bottle? Or stuffing your face with food?  Bet you don’t often go more than an hour or two without sucking on something! Oh, and are you trying to double your weight?

You baby’s gut is tiny – the size of his fist (Go on, check his fist. It’s little, isn’t it?).  And how big are your boobs? Yep, some of us have shot-glasses and some of us have ‘jugs’. Although it’s not actually about the size of your boobs, but what’s inside them, if you try and refill a shot glass with a litre bottle of water (or gin for that matter!), you are going to need a lot of refills, aren’t you? Well actually, your baby will need around 800mls a day and, just to be clear, that will be a few shot glass refills.  Whatever size your boob storage capacity is, your baby’s tiny little tummy will be empty before 4 hours and he will need a refill!  Or your shot glass titties will need to be emptied to tell them to make more tucker, otherwise you could ‘lose your milk’.

Your kid is fucking hungry –or thirsty!  If you are giving him the good stuff from your boobs, he will digest it really quickly (it’s fuel for his brain AND his body).  HE needs to double HIS weight!

Whether you are giving him boob or not, your kid can’t reach the fridge yet so he needs YOU to feed him.  WATCH YOUR BABY, NOT THE DAMN CLOCK!  And remember if he has to cry for a feed, you need to step up your game – CRYING is a LATE hunger signal!

4/ WHY DOESN’T MY BABY SLEEP 12 HOURS

Why did you have a baby if you want to sleep 12 hours? I’m surprised you found the energy to MAKE a baby if you are so fucking lazy that you need 12 hours sleep.

5/ WHY DOES MY BABY WAKE UP AT 4 AM ( I PUT HIM TO BED AT 6PM)?

If you put him to bed at 6pm, that’s 10 hours sleep. The kid is either hungry after sleeping without food for 10 hours (Can you go that long without putting something in your gob?) so snuggle him up with a boob and go back to sleep – or he’s ready to get up and explore the world! Two choices here – get up at the ass crack of dawn or if, like me, you don’t ‘do’ mornings (4 am is the middle of the night, not bloody morning in this house), keep the kid up in the evening, be a FAMILY and enjoy his company. Then all go to bed together at a sensible time between 9 and 10 pm – and SLEEP til the sun really comes up.

6/ WHY IS MY BABY SO STUBBORN – HE CRIES HYSTERICALLY AND REFUSES TO SELF- SETTLE ?

Because he’s not a fucking inconvenience, he’s a human being. He obviously CAN”T self- settle.  What’s so bloody magical about that anyway – it’s not a developmental milestone like crawling or walking or jumping?

Do you ever fall asleep cuddled up to your partner? Then does he/she wake you up and say, get over your own side of the bed, we are creating bad habits? Nah, didn’t think so. You probably even have ‘nookie’ some nights before you fall asleep or read a bit or have a nice warm cuppa. How about giving your baby a bit of empathy – he’s not ‘stubborn’, he’s an evolutionary survivor and he’s expressing his needs – for YOU! Give him a cuddle or a boob (yes, really, there’s good stuff in those bazookas that’ll knock the little sucker right out).

And, instead of losing your shit over your baby losing his, be grateful he hasn’t given up on you. He still trusts you will keep him safe (must say I’m buggered if I know why, though) otherwise he would just shut the fuck up and not try to reach out to you. Think about it – do you want him to call you for a ride when he’s sixteen and doesn’t want to get in the car with a drunk driver? Or do you want to teach him right now that he’s an annoying little prick and he better not bother messing up your life?

Pinky's update explaining her absolutely fabulous rant

Post holiday meltdown blues

I felt and acted a completely different person this weekend with just one kid, no house to run and someone to talk to if I wanted to. It was almost like an all inclusive holiday with the milk on tap for Millie.

I stayed with my friend (hubby stayed one night but then had to go home) and she cooked. She makes the yummiest food and makes it look easy to do too! Not only that, she organised a massage for me AND the sun was shining most of the time. Millie had an absolute ball, she had someone around her or within helping distance at all times giving me the opportunity to switch off occasionally She explored the most interesting and amazing house and garden with sheep and cows and horses at every turn! I can't believe that it's taken Millie over a year to see a real cow. What the fuck have I been doing?? Surviving basically.

It was like another life. A life where I existed not just as a single mum with only one kid, but also where I was being mothered myself but without the criticism judgement and disappointment!! Being at my friends was just what I needed. She was a shining star and I love her for that.

I really feel I'm doing my kids a disservice. There is not enough of me. I am not tribal enough. I am not able enough. I am not kind enough. I am not enough. They deserve more of me. More of the loving me.

The girls came home at 9.30pm Monday night. I hadn't seen them since 4pm Friday. 3 days. It is the longest we have all been apart. Ever. I literally did not recognise Ellie when she ran in and stood in front of me. I thought it was Barry coming in the front door having walked the dog so I didn't expect her to be there. In front if me! Like the people marooned on the desert island not recognising a boat in the distance, or something like that. She looked so young!

They were exhausted from travelling for 8 hrs and I was tired having travelled all day with Millie. Ellie was talkative and excited and unusually not IN my face but Maia was over the top flooby and started getting more and more wound up and noisy and repeaty and jumpy on me and manic. I was becoming more and more stressed. Everyone was talking and excited and there was general merriment. Maia wanted her raspberries NOW after we'd said they were for the morning. What I should have tried was sweeping her up in my arms, carrying her through and saying 'ok let's go in the kitchen and i'll sort some for you in a bowl and we'll leave some for the morning'. Instead, as everyone was talking about London or saying 'leave them Maia they're for the morning' and Maia was repeating over and over and over and over that she wanted them just now, my head exploded and I shouted 'Maia stop it you're stressing me out. Do what you want I don't give a shit'.

Way to make Maia both happy and unhappy and silence a room all at the same time. I wanted to run back to my 'another life' there and then. I felt like the ugliest person ever.

Bedtime was mercifully fast as I fell asleep on the floor beside Ellie in her makeshift den before hubby had finished their bedtime story.

By contrast though, Ellie had a meltdown tonight. It was a top of the range, not seen one like that for a long time, made worse by tiredness meltdown and I can honestly say I felt I handled it amazingly!! She felt listened to and even tho she was beyond impossible with her demands and reactions, she did eventually feel heard and understood, we sorted a compromise and not only that, she even allowed me to hold her whilst she cried at the injustice of it all.

I'm checking train timetables and having running away fantasies. Sometimes a holiday isn't such a great idea after all!

Meltdowns - big massive ones

Losing the plot - awful. shameful. Just horrible.

Breastfeeding - loads as ever

First time EVER!

Ellie and Maia have been invited to London at the weekend with my brother and his wife. Ellie is uber excited, I was uber excited at the idea of two less lives to be responsible for and Maia keeps changing her mind. They both only started sleepovers at grandmas and brothers in the last year. Up until then I was either still breastfeeding at night or we knew they were not ready.

We actually feel Maia is still not ready but we gave her the option, she said no initially but over the last week or so she has changed her mind back to yes, then tonight she changed it back again to not going. I'm interested to know which way she will go in the end. There is a massive pull for her to go with her sister and not miss out on an amazing trip but she knows we will be doing something special if she stays, in actual fact when she initially and adamantly decide she wasn't going, she insisted that we do something special too. 

The only thing that's stressing me slightly is the packing. Usually I pack weeks in advance but I've just not had the chance yet and I'm feeling like I've caught hubby's  last minuteitis. Except his doesn't have the worry symptom!

Actually, I'm also worried about how they will cope with people who aren't used to their open and frank displays of emotions (and their mental floobiness which will be compounded by mental excitedness!!!!). It will also be really hard for them to use cutlery ALL the time!!!

Meltdowns - so many it's scary

Losing the plot - a few but more restrained 

Breastfeeding - an awful lot

Letting Babies Cry – The Facts Behind the Study

Letting Babies Cry – The Facts Behind the Study

Written by Anna Burbidge on behalf of La Leche LeagueGreat Britain Spring 2013 ©

 

 

One of the biggest adjustments a new mother may have to make is to realise the fact that mothering is not a job where she can clock-off at a certain time. Babies need their mothers twenty four hours a day but from the moment a woman gives birth she finds herself bombarded with advice from all sides on what she should do. Where, when and how much a baby should sleep is the subject of much confusion and contradiction. On January 3 2013 a new study was published inDevelopmental Psychology suggesting that infants should be left to cry themselves back to sleep, and this was widely reported in the press as “Best to let baby cry itself to sleep”. The research was led by psychology professor Marsha Weinraub of Temple University in Philadelphia and studied the sleeping patterns of 1,200 children from birth to three years.

 

What did the study say?

 

The academics found that the majority of babies who woke tended to be boys and to be breastfed. They found that by six months of age, 66 per cent of babies - the sleepers - did not awaken, or awoke just once per week, but a full 33 percent, labelled transitional sleepers, woke up seven nights per week at six months, dropping to two nights by 15 months and to one night per week by 24 months. They concluded that babies should be left to go to sleep on their own even if it meant a period of crying to ensure a good night of rest for all the family.  The key fact was Professor Weinraub’s claim that it is important for babies to learn how to fall asleep on their own. "When mothers tune in to these night time awakenings and/or if a baby is in the habit of falling asleep during breastfeeding, then he or she may not be learning how to self-soothe, something that is critical for regular sleep”. The study also claimed that mothers of babies who woke persistently were more likely to be depressed, but that this would benefit from further research.

 

 

Should babies be expected to sleep through the night?

 

The study assumed that it was normal to expect a baby to sleep through the night by themselves by a certain age.  However inmany cultures co-sleeping and breastfeeding are the norm. A baby put in his own room to sleep alone is an image seen only in the last hundred years or so and only in industrialized Western societies. Our culture changed, along with our understanding of what was “normal”, but the human infant's need for mother's milk and contact with the mother's body did not.

 

Professor James McKenna of the University Of Notre Dame, Indiana, says that for hundreds of thousands of years mothers have effectively combined co-sleeping and breastfeeding to provide for their babies' immediate social, psychological, and physical needs (http://www3.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/) Humanbabies are born developmentally immature and require parental (especially maternal) smell, touch, sounds, and movement in order to feel secure and to have their physical needs met at an optimal level. All primate infants, including humans, biologically expect to be in close contact and proximity with their caregivers.

 

Looking at a bigger picture

 

Leaving a baby to cry may, possibly, give short-term relief to the family who may get a better night’s rest. However, when deprived of the physical comfort needed a baby will use her primary survival response -- crying -- and will produce cortisol, a stress hormone, as she attempts to attract the attention of her parents. Some studies have suggested that elevated levels of cortisol in infancy can cause physical changes in the brain, prompting a greater vulnerability to social attachment disorders. (Early Years Study, Margaret McCain and J. Fraser Mustard 1999: Anderson 1989: James McKenna 2009: Horta B et al 2007) Babies may stop crying if left for long enough but they are not learning to self-soothe, they are simply giving up on the hope that comfort will come.  There is no proof that babies who sleep through the night do so because they have learnt to “self-soothe”. This is a term invented in the 1970s for use in previous research (Dr. Thomas Anders, circa 1970s) and has come to be adopted as a fact rather than a research term.

 

It’s interesting to note that adults in relationships enjoy being close to each other and sleeping in the same bed.   It is comforting to wake in the night and feel the presence of someone we love next to us.  It raises the question of why a baby or child should be expected to sleep alone and “self-soothe” themselves when adults aren’t.

 

What about mothers?

 

One of the things this study overlooks is that it is not easy for mothers to leave their baby to cry.  It isn’t meant to be.  A baby’s cry is intended to elicit a response from its caregiver.  It is extremely distressing for a mother to listen to her baby calling for her and yet to believe that by not responding they are doing the best thing for their child even when it seems so wrong.  

 

Blaming a baby’s frequent waking for a mother’s depression is questioned even within Weinraub’s study as she says “It’s possible that mothers who are depressed at six and 36 months may have been depressed during pregnancy”.  In fact recent research by Kathleen Kendall-Tackett indicates that mothers who were exclusively breastfeeding reported significantly more hours of sleep, better physical health, more energy, and lower rates of depression than mothers who were mixed- or formula-feeding . (The Effect of Feeding Method on Sleep Duration, Maternal Well-being, and Postpartum Depression Kathleen Kendall-Tackett. Clinical Lactation, 2011, Vol. 2-2, 22-26.  http://www.uppitysciencechick.com/kendall-tackett_CL_2-2. ).

 

According to James McKenna mothers and babies who sleep with or close to each other  develop a sleep pattern in tune with each other so it is often much easier to wake when the baby needs feeding or comforting and to fall back to sleep afterwards.

 

 

Making a decision based on what a parent feels is best for their baby

 

One of the things many parents find useful is to know that what they are experiencing is normal.  Often just knowing that they are not alone and that this is something many others experience can make all the difference.   When parents are led to expect that babies should sleep through the night at a certain age, that they should learn to sleep on their own and to self-soothe, it raises doubts and concerns as to how to parent their own child.  It can be helpful to talk to other parents who understand and also those who have seen that their children will sleep through the night when they are ready.  At what age this happens will vary greatly from child to child, but to label a child who wakes up as having a “sleep problem” is misleading.

 

If a mother is feeling exhausted then it may help to look at the family’s life as a whole and ask if anything can be done to make it easier.  Are there times in the day when the mother might be able to make time to sleep?   Knowing that night waking is normal and will pass helps to create a more positive feeling.   Believing that it is wrong and you should be doing something about it builds negativity.

 

All parents need to make choices which feel right to them, while basing their choices on accurate information.   Weinraub says that parents should “resist the urge to respond to awakenings”.   For many mothers the urge to go to their crying child is one they feel unable to ignore. The decision to do so is not something that should be based on what a study by academics says is best, but by what the parent feels is best for them and their own baby.

 

La Leche League GB

 

LLL accredited Leaders are mothers who have breastfed their own babies and know that when a mother needs a bit of help it can’t wait until tomorrow.  They provide telephone counselling, email support and local group meetings, with leaflets on a wide range of breastfeeding questions, information on more unusual situations, access to a panel of professional medical advisors, and books covering various aspects of pregnancy and child care.

 

A further good resource is  www.isisonline.org.uk/.   LLL’sSafe Sleep Leaflet and Dr James McKenna’s Sleeping with Your Baby can be purchased from the LLLGB SHOP(http://www.lllgbbooks.co.uk/ecompages/onlineshop.aspx.)

 

La Leche League is an international non-profit, non-sectarian organisation that, for over 55 years, has been dedicated to providing education, information and mother-to-mother support and encouragement to women who want to breastfeed.  LLLGB's national telephone helpline (0845 120 2 918) connects mothers directly to an accredited Leader, while our website (www.laleche.org.uk) includes an online help form that enables a mother to receive email help from an LLL Leader.  We can also be found on Facebook. All our Leaders are volunteers and answer enquiries from home while looking after their own families.

 

 

Hold

Hold your babies close tonight

Hold your baby close

Hold your heart all wrapped up tight

Hold the love that never fades

Keep your baby in your love

Hold your babies close tonight

Uh oh!! Ain't that the tooth!

In true Ellie style...tragedy, hopefulness and mind wandering....

Dear tooth fary my tooth fell out but I lost it down the plug         hole please give me £5 because that tooth

She's getting a pound. I showed this to hubby he said he'd give her £2!! I don't think that's necessary. 

We spent a long time and effort trying to retrieve it (I was sure I saw it down the hole not washed away yet). Thanks to our friends for keeping Millie out of the manky sink-pipe water and reading to the girls to keep them calm for bed since left to their own devices, they would have started more acrobatics!!

In all honesty, Ellie was happy to know she was still getting money  that the tooth fairy was still coming, it's me that wants to keep her baby teeth!!

I'm actually torn on the fantasy, magic and wonderment and the lie. On one hand they want to believe it and they do, but on the other, I hope they are not disappointed when they find out its not true not us. (Shhh don't tell anyone!) 

I do like how we've written responses and glittered them up, I'm all for artyfarty and pizazz, but surely elaborate lies can never be a good idea!!!

(At least we are not using it as a manipulation tool....if you're not a good boy Santa won't come, if you don't tidy your room, the tooth fairy won't come, if you don't eat your dinner you won't get any Easter eggs)

Thing is, we now have to do it in a similar fashion for all three kids!! 

Talk about all or nothing!! 

Couldn't we have just stuck to a simple quid under the pillow??!!

Meltdowns - very upset (understandably) at lost tooth

Losing the plot - maybe a bit, when computer fell off high shelf and almost hit Millie

Breastfeeding - SO tooooo much at moment

Wibble Wobble wibble wobble

I absolutely loved having wobbly teeth when I was young. I saved them in a heart shaped box.  I'm a picker and a fiddler and it fulfilled all my icky desires. Now that the Ellie's are getting wobbly I am ALL over her. Asking to wobble it. Look at it. Touch it. Film it.  I am incorrigible!! I love it!!

http://youtu.be/T8ReoDa-urk

Still going

I can put as much of a positive thinking, getting my shit together, dealing with my issues, spin on it as I like, it's still just me keeping it together all day with three lively communicative active kids. It's still G-d damn nigh on impossibly hard sometimes,  yet here I am nearly 7yrs later.  Still standing. Still loving. Still laughing. Still crying. Still shouting. Still connecting. Still trying. Still breastfeeding. Still not sleeping. Still wondering. Still worthy. Still wanted. Still loved. 

Maybe we're all doing something right after all!

Meltdowns - minimal actually!

Losing the plot - kind of, but not totally

Breastfeeding - toooooo much something must be growing, developing, hurting, working

Some people just say it so brilliantly...Episode 1

"Instead of saying the obvious, I would like to provide a tool to bring yourself to the present moment: Question the thoughts that take you
away from this moment. The thoughts that you must do something else, other than being present with your child.
Question the most “obvious” thoughts:
   I have to wash the dishes
   I must make dinner
   The laundry cannot wait
   I am tired
   My child is too demanding
   My children should play by themselves

While being with your child with your mind elsewhere, question your contrary thoughts:
   If I don’t think of it now, I will forget to do it later
   There is so much I need to do
   I wish I could go out (when your child plays indoors)
   I wish I could go home (when your child plays out at the playground)

The reason we get tired and stressed is not the child or the chores nor even the lack of sleep; it is the contrary thoughts about these.
Falling in love with this moment exactly the way it is makes life easy and vital.

The ability to bring yourself to this moment takes practice (questioning your thoughts) because your mind’s program is to want something other
than this moment. If your child is demanding, she learned from you to seek another moment. This is not a reason to feel guilty, but to wake up
to this beautiful moment and take responsibility for what you create. Responsibility is not guilt. Responsibility is action. The flowers are
wilting, no guilt for forgetting to water them. Just action: water the flowers.

When you find yourself devoted to what is not, or to avoiding this moment, or avoiding your child, instead of indulging the thoughts of guilt,
forgive yourself kindly, and bring yourself back to the moment. Looking deep into your child’s eyes is one of the best ways to recapture the
now." Naomi Aldort 

Do You Remember When We Used to....

come down to a new dvd on a saturday morning

roller blade at the car shop

do magic on a thursday with an eggshell in a Tupperware

spend hours learning the names of moshis

carry baby Millie

carry Annabel doll in a sling

get a graze box on Saturday mornings

jump on the trampoline pretending to be dogs

go to parks and get covered in mud

make a stall to sell things

go round the neighbours selling things and collecting money for charity

get balloons at the car garage

picnic on the roundabout

do sparklers on the roundabout on fireworks night

climb on the roof of the car and slide down the windscreen

write letters and leave presents for the mice

put two legs in one and play mermaids

do shows before bedtime

spend all day in the woods making fires and playing in rivers

be woken to watch meteor showers bundled with blankets lying on the trampoline

be taken outside to watch the sky if we woke in middle of night

snuggle next to mummy and daddy at night for years

make experiments in the kitchen from whatever was available

spend hours playing together in the bath

be spun in a trolley at the supermarket

make multicoloured ice balloons

get more flour on the floor than in the bowl

draw chalk pictures on the street

get on a train just for the ride

climb trees

picnic on the trampoline and the roundabout and just about every park

lie on the car roof and watch the planes overhead

take car trips to the beach

go camping in the woods

go camping in the back garden

go to festivals

(Ongoing more added as remembered!!)

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I made this list because I often ask the girls if they remember doing something from a few years ago (or even yesterday) and they always answer no and I think to myself WTH am I doing making all this effort when they don't even remember! I like to think their subconscious is storing it in their 'we had a great childhood' memory bank to reduce potential future fuckedupedness!!

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I asked hubby for his contribution :-

Do you remember when we used to sleep through the night, have sex, eat out, go to work together in the morning, lol!!!