I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

catch a glimpse

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, my dear complicated Ellie.....some days, never enough, always wants more, gets something asks for more already, ask and ask and ask. Can't stand to be touched even slightly, bats my hand away, ducks out of the way, moves away but needs to be close to me, on top of me, sitting on me. Always needs to know what we are talking about, interrupts loudly what are you talking about what are you talking about over and over and over, even if told. Needs to be heard when there are others talking, 'look look look look look look at me'. Its never enough to ask once, never enough to give her all my time for a period of time, never enough to give her my all. Freaks if I have to move off and do something else..yup never enough.  

But then every so often there is a glimpse of, a glimpse of what...an Ellie that 'other' people can handle, an Ellie that fits in to what society can handle...and very often I catch a glimpse of the Ellie that I can see her becoming and try really hard to nurture and maintain connection with...but it ain't easy, I know. some days are sucky!!

Meltdowns - surely not!
Losing the Plot - surely not!
Breastfeeding - surely not!

1 comment:

  1. That's hard core - Ellie and Oli have a lot in common, but I can already see Oli maturing - thank goodness! It IS hard when your all self is still not enough...