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I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.
Showing posts with label quirky film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quirky film. Show all posts

Wednesday, 20 September 2017

I'm not meaning to pick them!

We've been watching family films a lot this weekend. I've been trying to keep us close as a family in the evenings just before bed instead of our separate screens.

I went through Netflix and added a number of 80's films that were classics and I remembered enjoying and thought the kids would like them too.

The first one we watched was Look Who's Talking. I remembered there was a kid talking to himself (we could hear it as audience) and that it was quite funny and probably what swayed me then and now, was that it had Bruce Willis's voice in it.

First off, I forgot about the whole conception scene at the beginning, the animated talking sperm and egg scene and then I forgot about there being scenes of an animated fetus from inside the mothers belly. Honest to G-d I pretty much forgot the entire first part of the film consisted of mostly pregnancy and fetusbaby and birth related stuff.

I almost freaked the fuck out and panicked that the kids were going to be really upset about seeing it. They didn't seem to be and I stifled the way my heart jumped into my mouth when the fetusbaby started thinking and talking. Completely forgot about that part too. *sigh*

Aside from that, the rest of the film was sweet and funny in places and terribly outdated in others. And yes I did shout at the TV during some of the birth scenes and yes my hubby did shout at the TV for them going back and forward to baby's room instead of cosleeping.

I watched Fools Rush In - didn't know there was a miscarriage scene (which actually turned out not to be) which caught me by surprise, made me cry and had me cursing my stupid choice of films this weekend.

We then watched as a family, Look Who's Talking too because the kids enjoyed the first one. The beginning was similar but I was more prepared and anyway it was mostly missed because Millie was insisting there were two babies and was becoming upset with me for saying there was only one. It was that becoming upset way I recognised as the...about to explode and NEVER recover..kind of upset. I negotiated my way out of that meltdown like a pro.

The next one I watched alone was Philomena but what I thought was going to be a quirky slow film about two mismatched sad people turned out to be the true story of this tragic tale of woe about the practice of the Catholic church in Ireland at the time, forcing unwed mothers in their care to give up their children for adoption. This particular mother had been looking for her son for 50 years but in the end he had died but it turned out he had wanted to be buried back in Ireland where he was born in case his mother ever came looking for him. Every time the mother had gone to the home to look for him, she had been fobbed off and told lies. He once went there from America, on his almost deathbed, and he was also told lies and that his mother wasn't looking for him. You know real high end never ending tragedy.

Netflix really does give ridiculous descriptions for the films and I often just go by name and the picture. I had a rough idea of the genre, family based or funny. But OMG they were crazy choices!!

It seems no matter what film I pick there is some reference or scene about miscarriage or pregnancy or those kinds of things. It's like some weird cruel coincidence joke that's not really that funny.

Meltdowns - a few
Losing the Plot - I don't have the energy to be shouty
Breastfeeding - she didn't ask tonight!

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Have you tried switching it off and on again?


I feel I'm underachieving all round at the moment. It's been a hard few weeks. Millie has cried a lot this week, not sure what's wrong. Lots of coughing. Lots of boob refusal too.  Probably teething.  It's always teething.   Also, my coccyx still REALLY hurts when I sit down or stand up. The meds for my back don't reach to my bum.

I'm too low and tired to make things work. I never get a moment to take a moment. When I do get a moment I tend to zone out for a bit instead of doing anything creative or productive or I eat or sleep. 

As if to prove my point, just as my mind becomes untangled enough to be able to concentrate and start writing, everyone comes home. The moment is over. I wasted it burning a pancake and watching a film that was out of synch. It was a quirky film and I quite enjoyed it. I might have fully enjoyed it if it had been in synch. 

That's what it feels like at the moment. I am quite enjoying life but not fully, just quite.

I haven't eaten properly. I burnt the second pancake so I gave up. The first was a pile of smoosh cos it was too big for the pan. It's never a good idea for me to be in charge of children when I am tired and hungry. The girls are also full of sugar which doesn't help either. 

It often feels like everything is conspiring against me. Pancakes burning . Out of synch films. Wrong parks. Unseen Trampolining. I really wanted to watch it. I went to an osteopath appointment for Millie instead. She needed that more than I needed trampolining. I really wanted to watch it though. The second chance to watch it and I ended up having couples/family lunch organised by a rabbi at shul. Not sure which *I* needed more. Catch up tv hasn't caught up so I'll have to wait. My needs and wants are second place again. It's not a massive thing. It sort of feels massive though. 

I'm being watched


 I have been living in three children land for 4months today. It's been an unbelievable journey so far. Many highs. Many many lows. Some days I turn round and still can't believe I am a mum. Some days I forget I have three! Some days I can't believe what kind of mum I am and am becoming.

Some days we don't get dressed!

I keep thinking about this meme that's been going around recently. I'm not feeling a great example to my kids just now. That bothers me. They watch my every move.  That freaks me out.

The girls aren't going to bed partly because I'm hungry grumpy and tired. Bed time is always longer and worser when I am not patient loving mama. I know it's confusing and horrible for them when I'm like this. Barry takes over.  I know they want me.  I try to be calm but I don't manage it. Then I apologise and try again but it just doesn't work. Barry takes over again and settles them.

I'm out of synch. 

I think I need reset. 


Meltdowns - completely in synch with whats happening
Losing the Plot - waaay out of synch
Breastfeeding -out of synch