I really can't deal with being The Mum. I keep thinking someone is going to come along and be The Mum. I feel a lot of dread when someone calls for The Mum, I wonder if I can get away without being The Mum, if I could just fade into the mess and disappear. I want to crawl in a hole and let someone else have a shot at being her. Someone who can do all those things The Mum does.
It's never been quite so bad as just now and what makes it worse is how acutely aware I am that no one is coming. I really am The Mum to these kids.
And even though I'm doing a terrible job of it, all they have is me and guess what, It'll have to do for now.
Meltdowns - not feeling well so thankfully minimal
Losing the plot - long gone
Breastfeeding - even being reminded of our hard beginning hasn't made me yearn for longer, so I know I'm ready any time, soon preferably.
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