It's that time of night when I sit all alone for longer than a nanosecond. Hubby gets older two to bed where he often falls asleep till later, and I watch a really cool film or programme.
Invariably there are characters interacting as mother-daughter or father-daughter or a character that's had a father or a mother.
It either makes me feel like the worst mum in the world or the best. I think well at least I'm not as bad as *that* mum or OMG I need to be more like her. Or I think, I wonder what kind of mother HE had to end up like THAT!! She was either awesome or a monster.
It's also how I sometimes feel when on FB and in real life.
I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking how much therapy is going to cost for my kids when they are older or maybe I should just do it now, group therapy. Maybe that'd do it. Sort us out. Stop the fighting. The resentment. The shouting. The slavery feeling. The dealing with the oftentimes overwhelming high emotions that encompass my day. Of a toddler. Of a 7yr old and of a 9yr old and of a 42yr old. Lots of emotions and feelings. The relentlessness of it all!!!
And then half way through the film, Millie wakes up and if I don't fall asleep, I manage to finish the film and I then spend the rest of the night thinking how I'm going to be a better mum tomorrow.
Meltdown - spending all day navigating around them and through them and over them
Losing the Plot - I think it's lost forever
Breastfeeding - it had decreased to a manageable level but then illness struck and weeeeeeee up its gone!!