If its crazy to do something fun and difficult....
If its crazy to do something new and different....
If its crazy to do something cool and complicated....
If its crazy to do something I have literally always wanted to do....
Then I guess I'm crazy!
It's funny how being called crazy by two different people can make me feel. The first one, due to previous experience, felt malicious and mean whereas the other one, coming from a friend, felt supportive and friendly.
I had a difficult morning at the Drs with Millie who was head butting me, interrupting and generally needing a boob stuck in her mouth. She was WAY more unhappy about being there than usual, probably because I wanted the doc to look at her rash and she didn't want to lift her top.
Anyway by the time I got to playgroup I was frazzled and spewing. Then I was crying and my friend was calling me crazy. No. Not really. Well she did call me crazy but there was a whole conversation before it where I told her I was exasperated by her behaviour and concerned the Dr would think I was some crazy mother who can't cope or control her child. She reminded me of the long term goal we are aiming for of confident, secure kids and that's why I don't use shouting (she doesn't know me well yet!!!) and naughty step and time outs and that kind of discipline and it all takes longer. Long term goal. And the fact that she is only three and that actually I am crazy so it doesn't matter what the Dr thinks. Only it might. Given what happened the last time a Dr thought I wasn't in control.
Control. Control. Who is in control? It's not about control. It's about leadership and knowing what to do and when to do it and getting it done. I was recently reminded of the basics by a great wee course I partially partook in. (Harmony Eliane) It's aimed at new mothers who want to break that cycle of negative discipline and negative parenting and is a wealth of brilliant information to remind us of how to parent gently in the younger years to prepare the ground for the future. Long term goal and all that jazz!! It was a timely reminder for me during a stressful move and the ensuing emotions and behaviours.
So, my friend was brill. Said all the supportive things I needed to hear and brought me down off the stress edge which I was teetering dangerously close to.
I should have just breastfed her.
Meltdowns - starting to rise. The adrenalin of moving is wearing off....emotions are high.
Losing the Plot - close the bloody doors we are trying to dry the house out!!
Breastfeeding - magical elixer that I just sometimes don't want to use. I just don't. Do I need a reason? My boobs. My body. There's your reason. One day you'll be glad I showed you that boundary even if you don't understand it and think I am the devil incarnate for sticking to it!!
No comments:
Post a Comment