I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Sunday, 15 September 2013

There must be a better reason

I dont get it. 
She sees something she wants. She opens it. She explores it. 
It needs the plug. 
I say it's probably over there under the sofa
She doesn't even look. I mean she goes over,  she stands behind the sofa but doesn't actually look. You know as in bend down, look under and maybe lift a blanket a bit. 
She stands there sort of looking then gives up and leaves the room. 

A few mins later I peer and its right there. Easy. 
Why? Tell me why? Is she lazy? 
Barry says its cos she's lazy but there must be more to it. Are 6yr olds lazy? It's probably my fault in some way. Isn't it always?!!

I *want* to believe its for another reason. I want to believe she maybe wasn't sure what she was looking for. Or something. Anything. I can't even think of another explanation. 

I'm menstrual, tired and just done in, so I then get irrational,  petty and mean and try and stop Barry from setting it up and plugging it in by saying "fuck that why should you? If she wants it she can do it herself". 

Such a great example I'm setting of kindness and compassion. It probably actually is my fault!

Thankfully he ignores me. 


  1. It is not your fault. (What would you have said to you - if you'd been thinking clearly?)

    Maybe she got bored. 6yo have a short attention span. Not always, but at some times of day / year / minute.

    Maybe the plug-need took away the glamour of the thing. Maybe that made it real, but it had been wanted when it was still magic.

    Maybe it was a climbing-down to admit you were right about the plug. (My 6yo self would have felt something like that.)

    Maybe whatever she was autonomously teaching herself by exploring the wanted thing, she'd learnt, and so the plug wasn't needed for further learning. Learning is what kids do when you leave them to it y'know ;) (I know you know).

    Maybe plugs are boring.

    Maybe something entirely new and original and utterly born of her innate genius distracted her from the first thing.

    Maybe it was overwhelm - we all get that, don't we? ;) (for some reason nothing to do with the plug, or with you or Daddy or anyone.)

    Maybe I'll run out of maybes now. There's always an unseen reason though, that's the only lesson you need to take from this.

  2. lazy is too strong a word, cant be bothered is an expression I would use - she probably (of course by using the word probably im assuming which i shouldnt but anyway this could be an explanation) didnt like the task of looking for the plug - its not a fun thing to do, its not welcoming, she did not feel like looking - so in the minutes that she stood there her brain was weighing up the situation - how important is the thing - is it important enough to go through the effort of looking for the plug - the task i dont want to do, or shall i just forget about it and go and do something else instead - bingo! prioritising tasks and importance of tasks - incredibly human and mature :-)