I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Saturday, 9 October 2010

What a Difference a communal Day Makes

Its amazing what I can put up with when I am busy and productive and occupied....I just spent 10days on a DIY camp and realised that if I am busy doing, in a wider space than indoors at home, then the girls can get on with whatever they want and I don't feel the need to control or get too involved and they can get involved with what I am doing much more easily.  The environment was such, that they could run free from one end of the field to the other, it could take them all day if they wanted as there was so many other people around to talk to, things to see,  stuff to climb, tents to colour in.  Ellie even voluntarily decided to spend time on her own. Without. Needing. Me.  Their independence soured it was incredible, they would come find me throughout the day to connect and more often than not, the time they would need me most would be the time I would be coming to find them anyway, like some finely tuned team!! It was incredible.   Even Maia spent time away from me happily because she had Ellie or someone else around.  For the first time ever my two girls spent time with each other, dealing with themselves and not having me there to interfere!!  They must have felt so grown up and trusted!! I have no idea what went on and that's such a strange feeling.  There were a few tears but no major catastrophes which in my book is a bonus!!  

I can always tell when I need to be more hands off, because Ellie will come and taunt me with something and say 'look mum, looooook, look what I found/am doing/eating/smooshing/breaking/cutting/messing up' and I know its my cue to stop stressing and freaking out so much!

It was phenomenal to be living in a way I have dreamed about for such a long time.  Of course there were niggles and issues that had we been there longer would need to have been dealt with.  i learned some amazing new skills, I was even slating a roof for heavens sake and the experience in itself has affirmed for me how much we are missing out on in this insular lifestyle we have created for ourselves.  

And So brings me home

I needed someone to be with the girls for 30mins until sister-in-law turned up and could I find one person on my street? Nope. I asked 3 or 4 different houses.  That's just not right.  I should be able to just say 'hey watch the girls for a minute whilst I.....'
I can go through a whole day without having spoken to another adult until hubby gets home.  That's not right.  I should be able to just turn around and have another person to talk to if i want or need it or just someone there to hug or smile at me and say 'today is a good day'

I have a need to connect and feel purposeful and useful. I lack the resources and skills.  That's not right.  I should be able to share the skills and resources of many to create an amazing working lifestyle

I am raising my tribe without my village.  That's not right. I should be amongst friends and family, living our lives together amongst love, cooperation and authenticity. 

Its a frequent and common lament for CC parents, I don't have the answers but I am willing to be part of a solution to try and change it.   I just need a little help from others....you with me?

Meltdowns - much easier to understand and help with
Losing the Plot - much easier to come down from
Breastfeeding - when Maia could find me!!


  1. oh i hear ya!!! my dream is to live in a village / commune where you can *truly* raise your children the way its supposed to be!

  2. Hi there Miriam! I hear you, too! When I am watching the little boy I take care of, sometimes I just have the need/urge/feeling/instinct to go outdoors, where he can be much more free to explore new, different, unique things to that particular day rather than play over and over again in the same home with the same toys. Those toys were loving bought and paid for by people who love him but sometimes it's so much more fun to see him interact with nature. He is learning to walk and is taking more and more steps these days so being inside the house just doesn't cut it anymore. So I take him down the road to my house, where there is a long, paved driveway where he can practice his new-found skills. I find myself saying to my husband so often that the little boy seems different to me when he's here at my house rather than at his own home. It's more natural here I guess. We have three dogs at the moment and it's so nice to see him interact with them. You can just see it that kids naturally crave nature, animals and the sounds and smells of the outdoors. A breeze blowing through the moshav just doesn't feel the same from a window as it does from a field.

    By the way I live in what is called a village but it is farm from it in so many ways. I walked this morning passed another woman pushing her sleeping baby in a stroller and she barely made eye contact. I have the feeling that she was probably craving some adult conversation, too, but was too shy or whatever to even say good morning to me. Sad ... Not that I reached out to her, either, since my baby was asleep, too. I should reach out more to people...

    Anyways - glad that you got this opportunity. It will be your reality someday because you know how wonderful it is. Maybe more and more CC people will go for Kerstin's 'living a year communally' plan!

    Hope it's ok to babble on like this! I feel paranoid about writing too much on the CC forum. :)

    Take care,