Its amazing what I can put up with when I am busy and productive and occupied....I just spent 10days on a DIY camp and realised that if I am busy doing, in a wider space than indoors at home, then the girls can get on with whatever they want and I don't feel the need to control or get too involved and they can get involved with what I am doing much more easily. The environment was such, that they could run free from one end of the field to the other, it could take them all day if they wanted as there was so many other people around to talk to, things to see, stuff to climb, tents to colour in. Ellie even voluntarily decided to spend time on her own. Without. Needing. Me. Their independence soured it was incredible, they would come find me throughout the day to connect and more often than not, the time they would need me most would be the time I would be coming to find them anyway, like some finely tuned team!! It was incredible. Even Maia spent time away from me happily because she had Ellie or someone else around. For the first time ever my two girls spent time with each other, dealing with themselves and not having me there to interfere!! They must have felt so grown up and trusted!! I have no idea what went on and that's such a strange feeling. There were a few tears but no major catastrophes which in my book is a bonus!!
I can always tell when I need to be more hands off, because Ellie will come and taunt me with something and say 'look mum, looooook, look what I found/am doing/eating/smooshing/breaking/cutting/messing up' and I know its my cue to stop stressing and freaking out so much!
It was phenomenal to be living in a way I have dreamed about for such a long time. Of course there were niggles and issues that had we been there longer would need to have been dealt with. i learned some amazing new skills, I was even slating a roof for heavens sake and the experience in itself has affirmed for me how much we are missing out on in this insular lifestyle we have created for ourselves.
And So brings me home
I needed someone to be with the girls for 30mins until sister-in-law turned up and could I find one person on my street? Nope. I asked 3 or 4 different houses. That's just not right. I should be able to just say 'hey watch the girls for a minute whilst I.....'
I can go through a whole day without having spoken to another adult until hubby gets home. That's not right. I should be able to just turn around and have another person to talk to if i want or need it or just someone there to hug or smile at me and say 'today is a good day'
I have a need to connect and feel purposeful and useful. I lack the resources and skills. That's not right. I should be able to share the skills and resources of many to create an amazing working lifestyle
I am raising my tribe without my village. That's not right. I should be amongst friends and family, living our lives together amongst love, cooperation and authenticity.
Its a frequent and common lament for CC parents, I don't have the answers but I am willing to be part of a solution to try and change it. I just need a little help from others....you with me?
Meltdowns - much easier to understand and help with
Losing the Plot - much easier to come down from
Breastfeeding - when Maia could find me!!