I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Seriously?? What is this baby trying to tell me now?

So I am lying on the sofa with my legs dangling over the edge, pillows under my bum, a hot pack on my pubic area and a freezella frozen block on my upper left quadrant, having taken pulsatilla and I am thinking WHAT THE FUCK??????

I cannot believe after all the excitement and paid off hard work of controlling my gestational diabetes in a way that has calmed my midwife down enough to feel comfortable with a home birth and the NHS happy with me not needing insulin or a hospital birth, that at my appointment today, she thinks the baby is breech.  I felt like the baby was sideways yesterday or day before and now midwife heard heart beat in upper right quadrant, never been there before and is fairly sure the head was in upper left quadrant

BREECH???? I mean come on...not only have I not given birth yet, which may not seem much to most, but is like going 42weeks for me since Ellie was 36 and Maia was 37.  I haven't gestated this long before and its a horrible feeling.  I have been going more and more doolally as the days go on.  The girls are suffering from my terrible mood.  Barry is suffering from my frustration and lack of sense of humour and patience.  AND NOW THIS??

I have websites galore regarding breech babies.  Woman who have been amazingly strong and had their breech babies at home or in a birthing centre, so I do know its possible.  Woman who have turned their baby with special techniques, moxibustion, acupuncture, all fours, bum in air, inversion positions, taking pulsatilla,  lying on an ironing board at 45degrees, heat on pubic area, ice on head......

Tomorrow I am going for a scan to check the position as midwife isn't 100% sure (who is?) and the possibility of an ECV

....but you know what?

I am tired.  I am despondent.  I cannot think positively any more.  I just want my baby out. Oh well, back to the ironing board....

Meltdowns - increasing
Losing the Plot - all time high
Breastfeeding - least of my worries and colostrum in freezer

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