I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Emotions in motion....HA!

I think I have may have underestimated the effect of moving could have on all of us.  I have tried very hard to keep things as smooth and routine and 'normal' as possible.  In the first 2-3days I organised the kitchen as fast as I could to get the food source happening, but obviously everything is in a different looking place. Then I organised the kids clothes and books how they used to be but in a different position..same wardrobe, same drawers, simply cos we needed to keep their furniture.  We organised the living room and finally after 5days, the TV! We kept Ellie going to school (not sure if that was best move, but then I am biased!) and even I managed a nurture nature and some brownie and bread making.

But the girls really are having a hard time adjusting and Maia in particular has been quite destructive, ripping wallpaper, food dropping, more mess making than usual (which i know is normally quite high!), ignoring, hitting me(not major, like faux hitting) and  disruptive at other times, especially bed time.  

It all came to a head yesterday and after much upset, anger and crying..from all, and major calming down needed from me, we had a bedtime chat.  We talked about missing the old house and what she missed, the bathroom was first on her list, the wooden toilet seat..I wondered about this until i realised the toilet seats feel diffrent here and in a sleepy state, its nice to feel the familiar on your bottom!  There were other such random items, light fittings, wardrobes not being where they should be (in Brenfield) but the most telling was the missing sleeping next to us, which is what thy did in the old house.  I had kind of prepared them for this before moving, explaining they would be in a double bed together, but nothing can really prepare for that.  The first few nights it was really working, together in a double bed, they started as far apart as possible but by morning were always together.  Then the other room was sorted and the bunk beds went up and the novelty for there took over, the next night was in a tent on the floor next to the bunk beds.  We have given them the choice of where to sleep.  

We finally talked about all the things we did like about the new house and she managed to come up with quite a few, but they were becoming more and more random until I realised, she was feeling calmer and was ready to fall asleep.  

The upshot is, we have brought Maia back into our bed for a wee bit to help her feel more settled.  I know most would think we are crazy but we already feel its helping...We have at least 3months to settle her back to one of the other choices of beds in preparation for the new bubbah!  The only problem I can forsee is that there would not be room for Ellie too.  I will have to find a different way of helping her feel more settled or its bunk beds for Barry!!  Aah Barry, his study has been his priority!

grrrr boxes
So in 8days, we have sorted out most of the 'living spaces', now its back to sorting out our 'emotional spaces'.

Upset, unsettled children are hard to be with. I can be hard to be with too. Real emotions are hard to be with.  I can be hard to be with too.  Most people put a lot of time and effort into not showing their real emotions.  Not dealing with their feelings.  Pretending everything is under control, in control, sorted and happy.  Kids have no such (dis)abilities.  They are as real and raw as they come. I can be like this too, just hopefully not as much. Thank G-d!  

Meltdowns - phenomenal!
Losing the Plot - OMG I should have been filmed!
Breastfeeding - soon, so very soon!


  1. Moving is such a huge deal, and abruptly ending co-sleeping at a time when the kids are most likely feeling the MOST unsettled and vulnerable would definitely make it harder. I have two friends who both had a second child and the first night the new baby arrived was when the older child started sleeping somewhere else. It was very smooth, because the children both could see that there was a clear, obvious reason for it. Other people I know have a small mattress in the same room so the older child is still co-sleeping although not bed-sharing. This would be especially helpful as a transition when making another major life change such as an entirely new home or a new baby.

  2. What an excellent instinct to bring an older child who has been weaned from the bed back into the bed at a time when she need more attachment due to a change! Attachment parenting truly can color our parenting views beyond 2years old! Who cares what people say when you know you are giving your child all the love you can!
    Moorea@ MamaLady