Food food glorious.....fuck off

I've had it up to here ^^^ with the girls and their ridiculous food fussiness, I'm sick of making food that doesn't get eaten or refusing foods they ate only the other day or eating the same crappy pasta, waffles or veggie sausages. 

So yesterday, when they came home from school I said this is what's going to happen. We are going to walk the dog then when we come back, there will be no tv (another contentious issue) and I'm taking each of you into the kitchen and you are going to make your dinner, with my help. Well Ellie decided she wanted pasta (*sigh*) and a tomato based sauce which she opened splattered all over the kitchen and ate half of before changing her mind and going for pesto. So she folks her pasta, adds chopped tomato and goes off happily. Maia decides she wants chips and mini waffles, I can't persuade her to add anything to it, so it's done. She lies on the floor in the kitchen waiting for ten mins to pass, turns them over, then waits some more. All good. Perhaps?

Today I tried the same approach. Millie wanted scrambled eggs. She will usually eats whatever I make and loves to help make it so she is not a problem. Maia says she wants scrambled eggs too but just as I'm spooning it onto the plate she changes her mind and walks away. I call her several times that her lunch is in the table but she ignores me. I go into the living room and say 'why are you ignoring me, that just makes me really upset. Your lunch is on the table'. She eats a few mouthfuls and says she is full. Rileydog is happy. 

Ellie comes into the kitchen and says she doesn't like this new way. She wants waffles. I ask her to get them and put the oven on. She hasn't done it so far. 

Im at a loss with what to do. I hate standing in the kitchen with literally no clue what to make only to have it not eaten. I thought they would enjoy spending the time with me doing cooking stuff but seriously my kids are on a lazy town making mummy crazy path and there's no stopping them.

I'm sick of being treated like the skivvy. I'm sick of being ignored. I'm sick of being under appreciated. I'm sick of having to shout at them before they hear me and I'm sick of them still ignoring me even when I am shouting at them. Most of all I'm sick of my behaviour always directly affecting theirs. Can't I be in a mood without them reacting to it. I hate the pressure. I have to be calm and rational when they kick off!!

Suffice to say things are a bit of a mess down this way just now and I'm flailing. 

Meltdowns - instantaneous at the moment

Losing the plot - sarcasm switch needs breaking 

Breastfeeding - OMFG leave me alone 

All about the bass

It's all about that mummy

'Bout that mummy, not daddy

It's all about that mummy

'Bout that mummy, not daddy

It's all about that mummy

'Bout that mummy, not daddy

It's all about that mummy

'Bout that mummy

Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two

But I can shake it, shake it

Like I'm supposed to do

'Cause I got that boob boob that all my babies chase

And all the right milk in all the right places

It's all about that mummy

'Bout that mummy, not daddy

It's all about that mummy

'Bout that mummy, not daddy

It's all about that mummy

'Bout that mummy, not daddy

It's all about that mummy

'Bout that mummy

...rest to be thought about when I have a chance....

Scary? Spooky? FUN!!!

I'm delighted the girls knew where the Halloween decorations were amongst the half unpacked boxes from moving in and the half packed boxes from moving out. I was going to give it a miss this year. I'm usually all up for it and love it more than them but I wasn't in the mood to search. I'm not really in the mood for any of it. The costumes. The sweetie buying. The going out. I'm psyching myself up to get on with it just for the girls sake. 

The decorations can't be hung from the ceilings as in previous years as we can't risk anything that would cause the landlord to have a conniption fit and charge us for supposed damage. So we stuck them to windows and other surfaces of furniture that's ours. I think it's less cool not hanging down over their heads, but they don't seem to mind.  It also resulted in a wee arts and crafts time as the girls made some more to add to the collection.

Part of me still gets a horrible flashback to the Halloween where social services turned up to assess us over some ridiculous nonsense and made veiled references to the decorations being too scary and were they perhaps a bit grown up for them!! I practically laughed in their faces. Halloween = Scary decorations!!!!! Well it does in our home where the girls love scary and freaky and all things spooooooooky!!

I was pleased we found and did them because I feel it's important that things carry on the way they always have to give the girls security and continuity and enjoyment amidst the chaos and uncertainty. 

The girls are happily playing werepuppy and puppyghosts amidst their supply decorations. It's all good!

Meltdowns - increasing

Losing the Plot - so so hard to hold it in

Breastfeeding - she is cutting down, I'm noticing it!!!

Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.

Once upon a time there was a story. The worlds a mess. Everything's a mess. We're all fucked. The internet shows us every last bit of it. It shows us all the time for everything and everyone. There's too many all the time all at once. It's too much to heal. It's too much to fix. Everyone. Everywhere. Fucked. Flood the internet with bullshit flowers or bullshit poems or bullshit art or bullshit. All to cover up the mess. 

Once upon a time there was a story. The news is full of stories. The stories are read. The news is over. Yesterday's stories are today's chips. The story is told. The story is forgotten. The end.

We probably have a home to move in to! A really cool one with an amazing garden. It's not dream home location, it might cost a small fortune to heat and it needs a fireplace. I know I'm fortunate. I know I should be ecstatic but I'm scared to be happy. You know, just in case it all goes bolloxed again. 

So let the packing commence.

Meltdowns - coming from all fucking angles 

Losing the plot - head exploding gut wrenching

Breastfeeding - aaaaarrrggghhhh!!

The answer is boob not 42

I don't think I would be able to parent my two yr old without the boob. I really don't know how non bf'ing mums do it. They must have extra patience and strength stored away instead or something. 

She uses the comfort of my boob for SO many things all day and through the night. 

Even though our bf'ing relationship is not always plain sailing, and I often want to run away screaming when she asks for the 4th time that hour, I am seriously relieved she has a way to deal with her life trials and tribulations at this time.

Meltdowns - seemingly from nowhere 

Losing the plot - gradually 

Breastfeeding - is the answer to all of it