🎵That old devil called......🎵

Ok I think we need to formulate a care plan. 

Yes yes let's do that but I'm not leaving Millie if she is upset

Well, I think you need to be the leader here. Look at all the other kids settled in.  You may need to use a bit of tough love. 

Ok. I'm not using any type of tough love, I parent a totally different way so I'm not using the other kids as a measure.  I'm not prepared to leave her if she isn't ready as it will cause more problems in long term. 

Millie, come and have ten seconds milk and then I'm going to go and walk the dog. Ok?

....milk...ok mummy you can go now. Bye.

She is always ok for me to leave if it's on her terms. I won't leave unless she is ok with it.

The pressure to abandon is immense.

It's when she says 'I wasn't ready for you to leave yet mummy' when I come back. 💔

I know some will think the use of the word abandon is ott....

I don't really think its abandonment btw, I know the staff are lovely. I know I'm not actually leaving her in a box on the street corner. It's Millie who feels it though, it's Millie that needs to get used to it and it's me that cops it! No coincidence her behaviour at home is radically different now to at nursery. And believe it or not I am not self sabotaging or projecting or unconsciously seeping my thoughts into her brain and manipulating her brain in some way. Oh would that I could!! 

I actually would quite like a couple of hours. 

But I have to admit that there gets a point where the effort to preserve Millie's future esteem can become...what's the word?....

The upping of connection need is intense. 

Meltdowns - aaalll over the place from everyone must be changing seasons

Losing the Plot - made conscious effort to remain calm and not annoyed this evening. It worked well. Connection repaired. 

Breastfeeding - milks sleeping. Resting. Having a break. Broken. Ok just ten seconds. What else will make you feel as much comfort and connection? Seriously you can't think of anything???

Food For Thought

I came across this post from last year sometime. I don't think I published it but I was obviously meant to find it tonight because it is relevant. Once again.....

Spin off from one of today's conversations.  At what point do you start worrying about decreased appetite in your kid. It's always said and agreed that its totally normal for them to go through phases where it seems like they are eating nothing and that they equally go through phases of eating loads. It all evens out. It's the same with adults we eat more or less depending on many variables. Tiredness. Heat. Cold. Hunger. Exercise. And the bane of our broken Continuum: Comfort.

 Appetite is so variable. Why should it be different for kids?

Sometimes,  it can be due to a virus or an illness brewing. Sometimes it's something. Sometimes it's nothing. Sometimes its an underlying symptom of another issue. And Sometimes it can get out of control.
Sometimes the selection is poor.
Sometimes it's just a phase and it'll all come good.

So I began thinking how long does it take you to notice a different level of appetite and then when should alarm bells be ringing?


I  notice things here and there
I start to notice less porridge being eaten in the morning
I notice bits of lunch are being left
I notice dinner not being eaten
I notice less fruit being eaten
I start to think hmmm I'm seeing more food being left on the plate

Here is a turning point. It can go either way right now.  And actually each stage could potentially have its own disproportionate reaction. (DR)

It could go like this:-

I ask more questions: do you want this? Do you want that?  What do you want?  Why are you not eating? You have to eat. Food is important.

I request more is eaten. Just a little bit. Half that. A wee bit more. That bit there then that's all.

Then...

I notice it's becoming a thing
I let go a bit
I back the fuck off
It already starts to feel better

The virus comes. It doesn't. The phase is over.
The kid starts eating again

Or in some homes it could go like this:-

You can't leave the table till you are finished
You can't watch tv till you've eaten that bit
You won't get dessert if you don't finish your plate.
Food is conditional.
Food has negative associations
Eating has become a negative thing

What's the harm?  Resorting to a little bribery or coercion at this point. It's just a small thing. Eating is important. Right?

In a healthy continuum. One that's not been broken. One where instincts are trusted, Is it all best left to the kid to work out when they are hungry and when they want to eat? Should we trust them and let them learn to listen to their bodies.  Should we stop attaching negative connotations onto food and projecting your own broken relationship with it, onto them?

I did it when they were (fed on demand) babies asking for milk. Why stop?!

As long as the house is essentially full of healthy choices (and in our case mixed in with a few unhealthy now and again!  I'm a work in progress on the healthy food front)
I would like to think so. I would like to think my kids will learn their own healthy relationship with food.

Sometimes though, my old thoughts take over.  It's hard not to worry. It's hard to let go. It's hard to not think I'm fucking up the food side of their lives this week!!

Meltdowns - Is it too much to ask for them to eat?
Losing the Plot - I am SO bloody annoyed with cooking food and it not being eaten
Breastfeeding - If only this could last forever, then I'd NEVER need to cook

Should a woman in labour

Should a woman in labour trump everyone else's needs in the room?

In order for a birth to progress and flourish, a woman has to feel safe and secure and at complete ease with herself and the people around her. She should feel able to go completely within herself and trust the people around her to acquiesce to her needs for her surroundings, environment and body to be as she requires it to be.

A woman in labour should have her needs heard.

She should trust that the people in the room understand their roles and have the knowledge and skill base to fulfil them. She should feel comfortable knowing that whoever is with her for her birth will know what to do and be able to carry out their roles in accordance with their ability and she should be able trust and believe that they will have the strength, wisdom, compassion and understanding to know what that is.

By saying a woman in labour trumps everyone else's needs in the room, this is what I mean.



Its a big ask but it really shouldn't be.

Magic Thinking

The problem is, My Magic Thinking....its diminishing.

The magic thinking that gets me through each money crisis

The magic thinking that gets me through each parenting crisis

The magic thinking that gets me through each relationship crisis

The magic thinking that gets me through each mother crisis

And has me believing that everything WILL just turn out OK and everything happens for a reason and it is just a phase and things will get better and that I AM that person that can cope with life.  

I call it magic thinking…I don’t know how it works and I am not sure how I came to possess it given the crap that has gone on in my life but it does….it’s magic, its unfailing belief, its trust, its all those things and more…lately though my magic thinking  has needed a kick up the arse.  


I need my magic thinking back to full strength.