NHS gives bad advice *shocker*

I am so utterly appalled, but hardly surprised, at the advice being given by our National Health Service: controlled crying, unreasonably high expectations for a 6month old, no clear cut age limits for techniques, techniques which I find highly questionable as it is. Just unbelievable.

There has been enough research out there to prove that controlled crying is harmful but to not even give a balanced view point is symptomatic of the main problem with most of the NHS parenting advice.

Suggesting a 6month old is capable of sleeping through the night is not only biologically wrong, it completely undermines and harms the breastfeeding relationship. Babies need to eat frequently, they have small tummy's that do not hold much for long. "to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species," Sleeping through the Night by Kathy Dettwyler

This advice page MUST be rewritten taking into account the clear links between controlled crying and the damage it does to developing intact brains and the conflicting advice it purports which definitely has implications for the breastfeeding dyad.

Here is a link to my co-sleeping articles.

Here is a fraction of the papers out there on the dangers of cry it out and controlled crying: -

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/science-says-excessive-crying-could-be-harmful

http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mckenna/cosleeping.pdf

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/despairing-mums-told-to-ditch-controlled-crying/2007/03/10/1173478729137.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/apr/21/leaving-baby-to-cry-brain-development-damage

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/babies-left-to-cry-can-suffer-brain-damage-warns-parenting-guru-1950702.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2149060/Babies-left-unhappy-hours-stress-hormone-remains-high.html

http://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/the-con-of-controlled-crying

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/

Please add your comments on the NHS article page and lets keep the NHS informed

This time of Night

It gets to this time of night, the kids have been asleep for a few hours, they've eaten at least some form of nutrition today, they probably will sleep through tonight, husband has gone to bed, I've watched a few things on the box, the house is a moderate mess, pain is at moderate level and I start to wonder how the hell I got through another day and how am I going to get through another one tomorrow and how the hell am I going to do it with another little one.

Its just the small stuff really at this time of night

Meltdowns - abound

Losing the Plot - difficult with sick girlies

Breastfeeding - thinking a lot about restarting

Co-Sleeping Blog Carnival

*******


Thanks for reading a post in the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival. On Carnival day, please follow along on Twitter using the #CosleepCar hashtag.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
***

• Emotive Co-Sleeping Campaign - Miriam at Diary of an Unconscious Mother talks about her feelings on Milwaukee’s anti-cosleeping crusade and its latest advertising campaign.
• Why Cosleeping has Always been the Right Choice for My Family - Patti at Jazzy Mama shares how lucky she feels to have the privilege of sleeping with her four children.
• Cosleeping is a safe, natural and healthy solution parents need to feel good about. - See how Tilly at Silly Blatherings set up a side-car crib configuration to meet her and her families' needs.
• Black and White: Race and the Cosleeping Wars - Moorea at Mama Lady: Adventures in Queer Parenting points out the problem of race, class and health when addressing co-sleeping deaths and calls to action better sleep education and breastfeeding support in underprivileged communities.
• Reflections on Cosleeping - Jenny at I’m a Full Time Mummy shares her thoughts on cosleeping and pictures of her cosleeping beauties.
• Cosleeping and Transitioning to Own Bed - Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine shares her experiences in moving beyond the family bed.
• What Works for One Family - Momma Jorje shares why cosleeping is for her and why she feels it is the natural way to go. She also discusses the actual dangers and explores why it may not be for everyone.
• Really High Beds, Co-Sleeping Safely, and the Humanity Family Sleeper - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama gives a quick view of Jennifer’s bed-sharing journey and highlights the Humanity Family Sleeper, something Jennifer could not imagine bed-sharing without.
• Crying in Our Family Bed - With such a sweet newborn, why has adding Ailia to the family bed made Dionna at Code Name: Mama cry?
• Dear Mama: - Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares a letter from the viewpoint of her youngest son about cosleeping.
• Cuddle up, Buttercup! - Nada of The MiniMOMist and her husband Michael have enjoyed cosleeping with their daughter Naomi almost since birth. Nada shares why the phrase "Cuddle up, Buttercup!" has such special significance to her.
• Co-Sleeping With A Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler - Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how co-sleeping calls us to trust our inner maternal wisdom and embrace the safety and comfort of the family bed.
• Fear instead of Facts: An Opportunity Squandered in Milwaukee - Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction discusses Milwaukee’s missed opportunity to educate on safe cosleeping.
• Cosleeping: A Mini-rant and a Lovely Picture - Siobhan at Res Ipsa Loquitor discusses her conversion to cosleeping and rants a little bit about the Milwaukee Health Department anti-cosleeping campaign.
• Our Cosleeping Story - Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares her cosleeping story and the many bonus side effects of bedsharing.
• Cosleeping can be safe and rewarding Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares how her cosleeping experiences have been good for her family.
• Adding one more to the family bed Lauren at Hobo Mama discusses the safety logistics of bed sharing with a new baby and a preschooler.
• The Truth About Bedsharing - Dr. Sarah at Parenting Myths and Facts discusses the research into bedsharing and risk - and explains why it is so often misrepresented.
• Cosleeping as a parenting survival tool - Melissa V. at Mothers of Change describes how she discovered cosleeping when her first baby was born. Melissa is the editor and a board member for the Canadian birth advocacy group, Mothers of Change.
• Dear Delilah - Joella at Fine and Fair writes about her family bed and the process of finding the cosleeping arrangements that work best for her family.
• CoSleeping ROCKS! - Melissa at White Noise talks about the evolution of cosleeping in her family.
• Safe Sleep is a Choice - Tamara at Pea Wee Baby talks about safe sleep guidelines.
• 3 Babies Later: The Evolution of our Family Bed - Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment talks about how her family’s cosleeping arrangements evolved as her family grew.
• Tender Moments - The Accidental Natural Mama discusses tender cosleeping moments.
• Cosleeping Experiences - Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure describes how she ended up co-sleeping with her daughter through necessity, despite having no knowledge of the risks involved and how to minimise them, and wishes more information were made available to help parents co-sleep safely.
• The early days of bedsharing - Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares her early memories of bedsharing with her then new born and gets excited as she plans including their new arrival into their sleeping arrangements.
• The Joys of Cosleeping in Pictures - Charise of I Thought I Knew Mama shares pictures of some of her favorite cosleeping moments.
• Symbiotic Sleep - Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children discusses how the symbiotic cosleeping relationship benefits not only children but also parents.
• Co-sleeping Barriers: What’s Stopping You? - Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares how she was almost prevented from gaining the benefits of co-sleeping her family currently enjoys.
• Co-Sleeping with the Family Humanity Sleeper - Erica at ChildOrganics shares a way to make co-sleeping safe, comfortable and more convenient. Check out her post featuring the Humanity Organic Family Sleeper.
• Why We Cosleep - That Mama Gretchen’s husband chimes in on why cosleeping is a benefit to their family.
• Adding to the Family Bed - Darah at A Girl Named Gus writes about her co-sleeping journey and what happens when a second child comes along.

A big thank you to all of the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival participants!

Co-Sleeping Articles

ARTICLES SUPPORTING CO-SLEEPING

JAMES J. MCKENNA

1.    Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS, bedsharing and breast feeding James J. McKenna* and Thomas McDade 2005:

2.    Why we never ask ‘is it safe for infants to sleep alone’ Historical Origins of Scientific Bias in bedsharing SIDS/SUDI ‘Debate’ by James McKenna in the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine and News 2001:

3.    In Defence of Maya’s Mother in Contemporary Paediatrics 2000:

4.    Maternal Sleep and Arousals during Bedsharing with Infants in American Sleep Disorders Association and Sleep Research Society 1997:

5.    Infant-Parent Co-Sleeping in an Evolutionary Perspective: Implications for Understanding Infant Sleep development and the Sudden Infant Death Syndrome in American Sleep Disorders Association and Sleep Research Society 1993

6.    RESEARCHING THE SUDDEN INFANT DEATH SYNDROME (SIDS) The Role of Ideology in Biomedical Science 1991

7.    Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone

8. Breastfeeding & Bedsharing Still Useful (and Important) after All These Years

more

      

Natural Child Project

1.    An Oversight of Our Culture

2.    Babies Need Their Mothers Beside Them

3.    Bedsharing Promotes Breastfeeding

4.    Bedtime Story: Co-sleeping Research

5.    The Con of Controlled Crying

6.    Cosleeping

7.    Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives:Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone

8.    Cosleeping Around The World

9.    Is It Time to Abolish Cribs?

10.  Is sleeping with my baby safe? Can it reduce the risk of SIDS?

11.  It's None of Their Business

12.  Need vs. Habit

13.  A Rediscovery

14.  Rethinking "Healthy" Infant Sleep

15.  Should My Baby be Sleeping Through the Night?

16.  Statement on sleeping locations and sudden death in infants

17.  Ten Reasons to Sleep Next to Your Child at Night

18.  When Will My Baby Soothe Himself to Sleep?

19.  Why babies should never sleep alone

20.  Why We Never Ask "Is it Safe for Infants to Sleep Alone?"

1. Shouting For Baby
2. Real Men Sleep With Their Kids
3. Bed of Roses
4. Family Bed Safety
5. Where Oh Where Has Our Sex Life Gone
6. Where Should Babies Sleep at Night?: A Review of the Evidence from the CESDI SUDI Study
7. Solitary or Shared Sleep: What's Safe?
8. Sleep Environment Safety Checklist
9. How the Stats Really Stack Up: Cosleeping Is Twice As Safe
10. The Complexity of Parent-Child Cosleeping: Researching Cultural Beliefs
11. The New Zealand Experience: How Smoking Affects SIDS Rates
12. Bedsharing among Maoris: An Indigenous Tradition
13. Rooming-in at the Hospital: Assessing the Practical Considerations
14. Sleeping Like a Baby: How Bedsharing Soothes Infants
15. Not Designed to Sleep Alone
16. Bedsharing Research in Britain
17. The Family Bed: It's Safe and Here's Why
18. Three in a Bed
19. Sleep with Me: A Trans-cultural Look at the Power--and Protection--of Sharing a Bed
20. Sleep, Beautiful, Sleep: You, too, Can Take a Nap
21. Pillow Talk: Helping your Child Get a Good Night's Sleep 

More articles

The Family Bed – Kellymom.com

Co-sleeping as a window into Swedish culture: considerations of gender and health care. – Pubmed.gov

SLEEPING SAFELY WITH YOUR BABY – ASK DR SEARS

Lower your baby's risk of stress disorders, SID and more by Jennifer Cobrun courtesy of The Compleat Mother

Co-Sleeping vs. Crib Fact & SIDS; Statistic Sheet TheBabyBond.com

Relationship between bed sharing and breastfeeding: Longitudinal, population-based analysis

Emotive Co-Sleeping Campaign

Milwaukee currently has a campaign to deter co-sleeping

Are you as appalled by these clearly emotive pictures and the completely one sided information with NO mention to ANY safe co-sleeping studies or practices?

Not only does it include couch sleeping and other surfaces in their statistics  which are NOT safe co-sleeping places.  There is NO mention to the fact, as has been pointed out by mental health worker Tasha Wiebusch, that "the statistics for SIDs and co-sleeping include a child who is sleeping with intoxicated parents, over tired parents, and, get this, if the child was in the parents bed at anytime during the night whether or not they died in the parents bed or in their crib is counted as SIDs while sleeping with their parents. They also count children who die sleeping on the couch or a chair with parents."

There are plenty of articles out there to promote and ensure that co-sleeping is done as safely as possible, that it is in fact a biological imperative and there are even statistics out there to show that through sleeping next to your child, incidences of raised temperatures can be detected and reduced (A baby's temperature is most stable on his mother - in skin-to-skin care mother's chest automatically warms to warm a cold baby, while her core temperature drops if baby is too warm and needs to be cooled  and mothers skin to skin contact can save lives, sleep apnoea can be deterred and detected sooner by the mothers own breathing regulating the child's, thus saving more lives.

Jim McKenna is one of the nation's leading academic experts on bed sharing. McKenna agrees bed sharing has its dangers. But his research shows there is one thing in particular separating the safe bed sharing parents from the rest. 100 percent of the cases in Milwaukee County -- all the babies were formula fed. McKenna predicted that, saying his research shows breastfeeding vitally affects both sleep patterns and sleep position. Dr. McKenna is so convinced breastfeeding is the key to safe bed sharing, he would never recommend a parent bed share without it.


I find this campaign to be unscrupulous in using fear scaremongering tactics and as a co-sleeping mother to two, nearly three toddlers, I find it disgusting, biased and shameful.


  

Slightly Sad Slightly Elated

I never in a month of a million Sundays expected anything to come of it. I never in a month of Sundays believed they were ready.  I never thought it would happen so fast.

My. Girls. Are. In. Another. Room. In. ANOTHER BED. Alone, without me. Without me being able to touch them in the middle of the night. Without me being able to hear them breathing and moving and snorting and grunting and farting and talking in their sleep...talking in their sleep for heavens sake....its the best thing to hear, and now I can't.

The playroom has always been the playroom, its never had a bed in it and whenever I called it a bedroom the girls would instantly correct me 'its the playroom mum'.  Last week we finally bought the bunk beds that we have been talking about for months, well ever since Ellie started watching Peppa Pig (Preppy Pigshite as I used to call it) so that's probably nearer a year.  Up until our proper concerted efforts to find bunk beds, I didn't believe anything would come of them.  Given the fact that Maia still wakes for milk early morning and goes back to sleep, snuggled between Barry and myself and Ellie still gets upset if I ask her to sleep in the side bed, which is attached to the main bed, I wasn't convinced they would even entertain the notion of sleeping in them. Alone.  

They went with Barry to go and buy the bed and on the way they played a game 'We are going to get something exciting, can you guess what it is?'.  I will tell you if its bigger or smaller than your guess (who says kids don't learn at home).  Here are her guesses:

Fairy Lighting, Crown, toy Church(???), swing, horse, car, cloud, toy bush, toilet, floor

So Barry said "It's been taken apart and so we need to put it back together again" (crap clue if you ask me).  Ellie's final guess was 'toy elephant'.

We had already decided we were not going to put any meaning onto the bunk beds other than the fact that they are fun.  We made no mention of the fact that they HAD to sleep in them, that they were even for them or that we didn't want them in the bed.  Although in all honesty, lately, with my back seizing issues and needing more space in bed, I have definitely been vocal about that need.  I was very clear though, to tell Ellie it was nothing to do with her, I still loved her even though she was beside me in the side bed instead of beside me in the main bed.  There really is literally my arms length between us (and the small gap down the middle of the two beds).

The bunk beds were assembled that same afternoon, Ellie was beside herself with excitement and  although I'm not sure she is ready for this, Maia was spending the whole time letting me know the beds were for her and Ellie and NOT for mummy and daddy.

We have always felt night time parenting was just as important as the day stuff. So that meant co-sleeping and staying with them till they fell asleep, breastfeeding, stories, songs, discussing the day and being there when they woke up.

So, come bed time I figured, OK this is actually going to happen, so lets see where it goes. It went till after 11pm is where it went.  I think the girls we too excited to settle & kept finding toys to bring in with them, share with each other, pass down, dangle down, throw up, throw off.  They got out of bed, into each others, out to the toilet, into the main bed...back and forwards for two hours.   I am afraid to say my patience was shot by the end of it, there was some shouting and I even considered just closing the door and leaving them to it.  Eventually after much craziness, including Maia chucking me out of her bed and then the whole room.  Ellie wanting us in her bed but nothing on her bed.  Maia wanting me back in her bed and then out again but stay on the chair, they fell asleep.  Barry, all 6ft4 of him with Ellie on top bunk and me sitting on floor beside Maia on bottom bunk.

I figured that Ellie would probably wake in the morning, as usual and would either shriek in fright and upset because I wasn't there and Maia would wake and plod through quietly.  Well I was wrong!

Ellie came in quietly, making her way from the top bunk no problems about 6amish and went straight to sleep on the bed beside me.  Maia woke up 7amish, cried, refused to come through, refused to allow daddy to pick her up 'cried' only for me and had a miss because she wouldn't move.  I brought her to the main bed where she had milk and fell asleep in her usual spot between Barry & me.

I recognise it has only been three days so it may not last.  We were both shocked they were so keen in the first place!

The jury is still out for how I feel, slightly sad and slightly elated. Nothing has really changed for me since they both still wake me in the morning, except now, as I said, they are not in arms or ears reach any more and they are not beside each other.  For that I am very sad.

Meltdowns - in a bunk bed

Losing the Plot - in a bunk bed

Breastfeeding - am I in the minority that can say 'in a bunk bed!'