A Few Good Meltdowns

Every time hubby uses 'a few' in a sentence I automatically think that means two and so tonight when I responded with "two months that's not very much" (it could just as easily have been "two months that's loads, just depends on the conversation) he says "it's not two it's a few".  Then I remember he doesn't think the same as me with regards to a few (things!). So I jokingly say "a few *is* two" and then because I know what he is going to say I copy him and we say at the same time "two is a couple."  You kind of had to be there. It was a bit funny. Standard length of time argument we seem to always have. 

He thinks I exaggerate. Say always when I mean sometimes. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. Exaggerating can add effect. Emphasises my feelings. You *always* do x y z....Anyway, that's a different argument. 

So, it got me thinking. 

A few months

A few weeks

A few days

A few hours

A few minutes

A few seconds

If time is arbitrary to a kid and any length of time interminable (especially waiting for mummy to help/fix/read/clean/wipe/reach/touch/feed/watch/fetch/stop you from falling of a high thing) a few minutes to a newborn baby waiting for milk can seem like a few hours. A few minutes for a kid waiting for help can feel like f. o. r.  e. v. e. r. 

It's really hard to wait when you're little. 

So when you say 'a few' how many do you mean? What's a few? (I have a great desire to respond with bless you. A few. Bless you. Anyway...)

"I'll be there in a few minutes"

"Just a second"

"Give me a few minutes would you?"

"Hang on a second"

So next time you ask your kid to wait, think about how long their waiting capacity is and whether what *you* are doing can wait. Responding to your child's needs sooner rather then later sets them up for knowing that you are there for them when it's needed, and as they get older, waiting becomes easier.  It could also help avoid a few meltdowns which is always a bonus! 

Meltdowns - after school specials

Losing the Plot - becoming harder again to remain zen

Breastfeeding - No I won't move and you're not allowed to ask me to. 

Every time I'll Try

Every Time I'll Try




Every time you try to push me away
I'm going to pull you closer


Every time you try to hit me
I'll kiss you on the nose


Every time you try to shout at me
I'll hug you all the more


and


Every time you try to hate me
I'll love you even more




                                                              Well I'll try to anyway






 ©Miriam Berlow-Jackson

What a Difference a communal Day Makes

Its amazing what I can put up with when I am busy and productive and occupied....I just spent 10days on a DIY camp and realised that if I am busy doing, in a wider space than indoors at home, then the girls can get on with whatever they want and I don't feel the need to control or get too involved and they can get involved with what I am doing much more easily.  The environment was such, that they could run free from one end of the field to the other, it could take them all day if they wanted as there was so many other people around to talk to, things to see,  stuff to climb, tents to colour in.  Ellie even voluntarily decided to spend time on her own. Without. Needing. Me.  Their independence soured it was incredible, they would come find me throughout the day to connect and more often than not, the time they would need me most would be the time I would be coming to find them anyway, like some finely tuned team!! It was incredible.   Even Maia spent time away from me happily because she had Ellie or someone else around.  For the first time ever my two girls spent time with each other, dealing with themselves and not having me there to interfere!!  They must have felt so grown up and trusted!! I have no idea what went on and that's such a strange feeling.  There were a few tears but no major catastrophes which in my book is a bonus!!  

I can always tell when I need to be more hands off, because Ellie will come and taunt me with something and say 'look mum, looooook, look what I found/am doing/eating/smooshing/breaking/cutting/messing up' and I know its my cue to stop stressing and freaking out so much!

It was phenomenal to be living in a way I have dreamed about for such a long time.  Of course there were niggles and issues that had we been there longer would need to have been dealt with.  i learned some amazing new skills, I was even slating a roof for heavens sake and the experience in itself has affirmed for me how much we are missing out on in this insular lifestyle we have created for ourselves.  

And So brings me home

I needed someone to be with the girls for 30mins until sister-in-law turned up and could I find one person on my street? Nope. I asked 3 or 4 different houses.  That's just not right.  I should be able to just say 'hey watch the girls for a minute whilst I.....'

.

I can go through a whole day without having spoken to another adult until hubby gets home.  That's not right.  I should be able to just turn around and have another person to talk to if i want or need it or just someone there to hug or smile at me and say 'today is a good day'

I have a need to connect and feel purposeful and useful. I lack the resources and skills.  That's not right.  I should be able to share the skills and resources of many to create an amazing working lifestyle

I am raising my tribe without my village.  That's not right. I should be amongst friends and family, living our lives together amongst love, cooperation and authenticity. 

Its a frequent and common lament for CC parents, I don't have the answers but I am willing to be part of a solution to try and change it.   I just need a little help from others....you with me?

Meltdowns - much easier to understand and help with
Losing the Plot - much easier to come down from
Breastfeeding - when Maia could find me!!