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I want to be that mother who can stand up and say I am a strong confident mother and I know what is best for my children. We breastfeed and co sleep, We listen, We include, We eat chocolate and snot smoothies, we trampoline and grow frogs, we sling, we carry and we try and understand and work with our children without resorting to punishments, threats or coercion.
Showing posts with label natural birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label natural birth. Show all posts

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Psyching myself up

I haven't been to see anyone yet for this pregnancy. I realise this may be shocking to some of you, I imagine you can't conceive of not having a health professional involved right from the beginning or not scanning at every possible moment.

For each and every pregnancy I have had hassle from health professionals for my choices during pregnancy and labour. I refused nuchal test. I asked for short scans to minimise ultrasound effect, I refused antibiotics, I refused insulin, I refused constant monitoring, I refused more scans and ultimately with my first, I refused to go to hospital. I decided what I wanted to do based on the risks and research my husband and I spent inordinates amount of time doing.

Almost everything was a fight, a hassle. We had to explain ourselves to many different people. We were rarely supported in our choices and it changed the whole magical experience into basically a stressful pain in the butt. We were vilified and demonised, patronised and ignored.

I just don't want to go through all that this time round, so I have been enjoying my pregnancy (the crappy parts as well!) and staving off the inevitable negativity for as long as possible.
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I have been researching possible obstacles I might face since I am now classed as an older mother and I have increased likliehood of gestational diabetes again.

It's not looking great. I can expect my age to be brought up numerous times with an impending sense of doom attached to it.  My age brings risks of pre-eclampsia and there will probably be increased pressure to be induced as soon as I hit 40weeks. They might try and persuade me to take aspirin or clexane or have a sweep or ultimately be induced. Funnily I never reached 40 weeks with my girls so that could be something to cling on to!!

I really need to psych myself up to talk to them and I really can't arsed with it all. You know. The questions. The risks. The tests. The distrust of medical/authority types who see me as this one generic pregnant woman who has to adhere to policy procedure and avoid the death of my baby at all costs and it's all my fault if I don't do as they say without question or knowledge. Yes sir no sir three bags full of amniotic fluid sir. Your baby could die if you don't obey us.

As usual the fear of social services means I will soon be contacting them to allow them to join me on my journey but woe betide anyone who pisses me off with their risk averse negativity policy driven mentality!!!

Breastfeeding - still happening amazed milk hasn't dissappeared
Losing the Plot - probably with NHS
Meltdowns - increasing unfortunately I blame impending teengery hormones

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Day 13 - That Thing That People Don't Talk About

Having learnt my lesson from yesterday, I don't mention our play date until after lunch. We spend the morning playing with the train set again. I love listening in on their play, its a window into their mind. 

I have this weird ability like a sixth sense or something. It doesn't happen as much as it used to, actually its more likely I don't read it or notice it as much. I used to think about something and then later hear something connected has happened. I often know what's going to happen in films and many many times I say 'didn't I just say that. If I didn't I meant to say it out loud'. Hubby always believes me. 

There is a childhood affliction that is rarely talked about.   It strikes fear into the heart of every parent and wrigglyness into the behaviour of every kid. It has a certain stigma.  We're faaaaaar too posh to get those eeeuuuuuuw!! Yeah right! Lots of kids will get it. That is, a kid in the old fashioned sense, the kid that plays outside a lot, that eats unwashed fruit and vegetables sometimes, that doesn't wash their hands every time they go to the toilet or don't wash their hands when they sit down for dinner or don't sit down and just eat on the trampoline, or the floor playing with train tracks or the sofa watching scooby poo, that gets a bit mucky, that doesn't wear clothes all the time,  that scratches or explores their bodies without admonishment or chastisement, that bites their nails, that picks their nose and wipes it on their clothes or nearest sofa arm when you are not looking (I know some adults who do all of the above too).  It's spread by person to person through touch. And if you say 'but my kid hasn't had them', I bet they've had the other dreaded one!! It's the dreaded W O R M S.  

Did you know that in the UK, around 40% of children under the age of 10 are likely to experience it at some stage. Two out of three parents are more embarrassed discussing it than head lice (thats the other one, my kids haven't had them.....oh shit, why did I say that out loud?) and did you know that you have to make sure you follow the hygiene advice for six weeks if done naturally and two weeks if take the medicine. Six weeks is how long it takes for the threadworms to die off on their own without medicine.  Fact File1 Fact File2 (look if you dare).  There is a life cycle for these things so if you think you've got rid of them, either naturally or with medicine after two weeks, you'd be wrong. You have to clean the whole house to get rid of the threadworm eggs, and continue to clean frequently for two weeks.  Not just a schpeigel .  A Full on clean the whole friggin place.  ALL the towels.  ALL the bedding.  ALL the toys.  ALL the floors.  ALL the surfaces.  CONTINUALLY FOR MORE THAN TWO WEEKS ??? We're screwed. Actually I am amazed we haven't had them constantly for 5 years.  I'm never leaving the house again, too many things to catch out there!  Tea tree spray is my constant companion.

So, honest to G-d,  last night I thought to myself its been a long time since we have had worms.

Kiss of bloody death!


The last time the kids got it was over two years ago. That was our winter of discontent.  Ellie had just started nursery (I'm not going to say it), albeit sporadically and we were all the most ill we have ever been.  So ill I even had to give anti-biotics and that's saying something.  Back then I had a lot more time and tenacity.  It was also easier with younger less mobile children, ones who needed you to take them to the toilet and so you were there at hand washing time. I really didn't want strong chemical medicine inside my babies bodies. I was wanting and willing to try sorting it with alternative methods...remember, make sure you follow the hygiene advice for six weeks. Six weeks is how long it takes for the threadworms to die off on their own without medicine. 

I bought a herbal remedy called vitaklenze (again look if you dare). It was the best combination of herbs all packaged in a lovely weird tasting pill.  It was also really expensive and we didn't take it for long enough.  I did masses of research.  If you want to freak yourself out and get mega paranoid, google away!! I found foods that were meant to kill them off. ( pumpkin seeds, shredded carrot, garlic). We stopped sugar as they feed off it. I religiously removed the little buggers while the girls slept, armed with torch, cotton bud and sudocrem. I cleaned every towel and sheet within a inch of its life. I carried tea tree spray everywhere and sprayed my hands constantly and their hands and the furniture.  I washed every towel, every bed sheet, massively hoovered the house, cleaned surfaces, toys...did I do toys? I cant remember...anyway, I did it for weeks and weeks. It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun.  Getting a 3yr old and a 17month old to A) take a pill 2) any of the other stuff in a gentle, non coercive non punitive, non threatening, non scary way was...well lets just say, bloody hard work.  I thought we were rid of them. I rejoiced in our hard work and alternativeness. Then they came back. With a heavy heart, I went to the chemist. 

This time I am going straight to the chemist for the death juice.   I feel bad about not going the natural route but I don't think I could survive.  I don't know how long they have had them, or where they got them.  Ellie will tell me now if she has a tickle so I can check, but Maia I'm not so sure.  Even I, who is usually so open, feels the stigma of worms so I explain to Ellie that we only talk about it at home and not to tell other people. Obviously, I have since had second thoughts but it's definitely easier writing about it than Ellie blurting it out to all and sundry face to face!! 

We are going to my mother's neighbour's house today for a play date.( I feel terribly guilty for not telling her, I am not blaze enough in my honesty, we have only just met. I have since told her. Hence this post.  I am coming out. Actually, we are wriggling out!!) It's funny, the girls have built a relationship with this family. They have a 5yrold boy and a 3yr old girl. They play there whenever they are at grandmas or the older boy comes to grandmas to play. I haven't really met her yet so today I took them to her house for a playdate. Grandma is unwell with infectious respiratory illness, so I pop in briefly to sign a form and don't breathe her air! I dropped the kids off and chatted for a bit with the mum. We seem to have a lot in common. Hate cooking. Try to be healthy. Kids take their clothes off randomly (hope we don't have worms in common now)!!.. It's great to have adult company for a change and it's great that the kids are already friends and go off to play so we can just chat. It's such a rare occasion to be able to sit and chat I am reluctant to leave. But worms need killed and the dog hasn't been out since Sunday. 

Once home, Ellie complains of a sore tummy. She had been coughing for days so I think it's just sore muscles from coughing. We all sit and watch a new video (new to us but old in terms of film, its a video there's your first clue!) about a robot wanting to be human. I can tell she is not 100% because usually she asks a million questions during films. Half way thro the film the neighbour kids come round for the girls. He may have become human, I'm not sure I've watched it in so many different bits now I don't know if I have seen the end.

Anyway,  this is quite an event. I think it's quite a huge stage in their lives, going off with friends without mum. I am terrified, happy and sad all at once. My babies are growing up!! Hubby is home by this time and we sit fretting about checking to see where they are and if they are ok. We don't!

Ellie returns first covered in mud. It seems someone pushed her over playing tig. I am hoping it was an accident. She, unusually, is not bawling in upset. I am more upset that she is not more indignant. I don't like to think of her pretending to be ok with something if she isn't just to keep friends. I say nothing. I know enough not to interfere unless called for. She gets changed and goes back out! Wee trooper. 

Both of them come back for dinner, happy campers. They have their dinner then Ellie randomly pukes. It's been a long time since that's happened too and we always manage to reach the bathroom but not this time. Ugh. 

Shower and bed. Goodnight.

Oh. Wait. Wiggly Worm Hunt. 

Meltdowns - None
Losing the Plot - none 
Breastfeeding - of course!


a few alternative treatment sites:



Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Millie Zahar Red's (Euphegenia Willis Sugar) Birth Story with some lovely (graphic) pictures





I awoke at 12.27am with a strange pop feeling and the moment I had been waiting weeks for and expecting to happen every time I got out of bed had arrived, my waters were breaking!  I was 39weeks of what had been a really hard and emotionally fraught pregnancy

I woke up Barry to let him know and took myself to the bathroom.  I called my sister to let her know whilst Barry looked for the instructions from the midwife of 'when to call'.  The sheet said to call if my waters broke first and they were anything but clear. 

My heart sank.

meconium in waters
My waters were anything but clear.

Alison, my midwife arrived at 1.10am.  I was upstairs having a shower and willing my waters to turn clear.  She looked at the waters I had collected and saw that they were murky and had particles in them.  She confirmed what I already knew, that there was meconium in them.  She suggested that we would probably need to go into hospital but she would monitor me at regulalr intervals at home for the time being. 

I started to organise my birthing space, making the bed a bit more and sorting my music and setting up the web cam!  I was excited to show my birth live to my sister and some friends.     I thought I had plenty of time since my last two births lasted 12-14hours.  I didn't even think about filling the pool yet which had been up and ready for the last 3weeks!

I agreed to a VE at 2.30am.which showed I was only 1-2cm dilated, fully effaced but head not in pelvis.  I am not in established labour yet.  My blood pressure was perfect but Alison noted the baby's heartrate was higher than it usually was and showed shallow late decelarations which was a possible sign of distress.  She was clear she thought hospital was the best option since meconium at 39 weeks without labour is not normal.   She started calling the hospital to let them know what was happening.  I chatted to my friends on line and my sister on the phone.

My contractions were ramping up and I was not in any way feeling relaxed and joyful or wonderful or blooming or any of the ways I had been imagining and visualsing my labour to be.  I felt anxious, the atmosphere was one of worry and fear and I basically felt really really upset that I was not going to have my home birth again.  I felt seriously cheated. Alison wanted me to go into hospital and I was kind of hoping for some kind of miracle whereby my baby would decide to be even faster and just suddenly pop out.  I decided to try to remain as calm as possible. The web cam started working about 3am but by half past I had resigned myself to going in and called my mum.


Practicing birth noises and faces by pushing the sofa
 so girls would understand what was happening
when the time came
Around this time, Ellie (my calmness teacher), woke up and came downstairs to see what was going on, she sat with me on the sofa and so I got to spend some time with her before I left.  I explained that I was having the baby now and that I was going to have to go into hospital now and everything was ok and that Grandma was coming over and they'd all fall back to sleep and that I would be home as soon as possible.  She wanted me to come upstairs to lie with her in bed and I remember having a massive contraction on the stairs on the way up and having to stop for a while there.  "Half way down the stairs is a stair where I sit, there isn't any other stair quite like it"!.


My mother arrived at 4am whilst I was lying with the girls who had both woken up.  I was explaining to them what was happening.  We had been preparing for my labour and birth since the beginning and I was so disappointed they would now not be there.

15mins later and I couldn't hold off any longer, it was time to go.  Alison wanted to call an ambulance to take us in but I refused.  The ride for my last birth was truly awful and there was NO way I was putting myself through that again, so Barry drove.  It was marginally better than the ambulance,  in that I didn't have to stay lying down!! I sat in the back on my knees leaning over the back seat looking out the rear window swearing randomly at the CD I chose for the journey.  Why? Why did I think that one would help?  I listened to this one daily in the car.  Mainly on the way to school, with the girls talking/arguing/shouting/crying/laughing/ and the dog crying whining  in my already addled pregnant brain.......I was secretly hoping it would infiltrate into my brain subconsciously...you know multi tasking.  Who know's maybe it worked!

"As my labour advances I go deeper into relaxation" Birth Affirmations that I was supposed to repeat.

Whatever my response, which was along the lines of "As my labour advances you can all go to fuckland", I remember Alison asking if I was talking to her. I also remember cursing the speed bumps...hadn't thought about them either.

As we hurtled down the road at 70mph, going through every red light, I was desperately trying not to push and deliver in the back seat. My contractions were now 4 minutes apart and very strong! My midwife will swear blind she didn't think I was going to give birth in the back of the car but something in the way she shouted 'Are you pushing there Miriam?' made me think otherwise!

We arrived at the hospital 6miles away in a record 12mins, at 4.25am. I vaguely remember having a really strong contraction at the front desk and a bloke behind the glass asked 'Can I help you?'.  I resisted the urge to let loose on him.  Of course the first thing they wanted to do was attach electrodes to my baby's head. What she actually meant was screw a wire into my baby's head. I declined.  They insisted on putting a monitoring belt on me though.  All the while I am having major contractions and trying not to push.  The midwives could see I was uncomfortable and having difficulty moving so they asked if I wanted to go on the floor.  Definitely I said.  A few minutes later and they were back with a massive mattress and a bean bag. Perfect.

Once on the floor, the midwife wanted to do a VE.  I agreed because I was worried I was pushing too early.  She reckoned I was 8cm but was unable to feel the head as it was too high. I told her (maybe loudly!) to stop trying and wouldn't let her do it again.   I felt despondent.  I thought that meant the baby hadn't come down and it would be a long time pushing.  I decided to get on all fours with bum in air, a complicated move with lots of wires attached to me but I managed.

This is when things started to get crazy.  Every time I had a contraction, I felt the urge to push.  Every time I pushed, a bit of poop came out.  I was really upset by this and kind of freaked out.  Thinking about it afterwards, I realise I was scared the same thing was happening here as with Maia.  She had got stuck, kept going back in and then stayed on my perineum for 10mins whilst I pushed my insides out (literally).  This really did a number on my back passage.  So this time, I thought I shouldn't be pushing, it was too early and I would do damage again.  Also poop, eeuw, that grossed me out  I know it shouldn't.  But it did.  I wish now that someone behind me would have tried to calm me down more, told me it was ok, told me not to worry about pushing or pooping!! Told me to just do what I needed to do.

Suddenly I felt a massive bulge, the head was almost out and then some tickling.  I kept asking who was touching me, then I thought maybe her fingers were tickling me inside.  One more push and her head came out.   Then she started moving herself out. I again thought the midwives were doing something but they assured me she was doing it, which was so amazingly weird to realise.   With Maia we were at the half in half out stage for a long time and they were 'encouraging' me to push, this time I now realise, it all happened as it was meant to.  Looking at the video though, I am annoyed at how 'handsy' the midwife was.  A few minutes later  and woosh................!!




At 5.17am, an hour after arriving at the hospital, 5hrs after labour started, Little Red weighing 7lbs14oz, came into the world.





It turned out that one of the midwives was a member of the ARM, so she was all on board with our third stage management plan and was really excited to be at a natural labour.  The staff were really supportive and I'm happy I could provide that kind of birth for her but it still sucked to be in hospital instead of in my pool at home with my girls.  




Of course the fun didn't end there.  The cord was really short, hence meconium, she must have pulled too hard on the cord coming down and pooped herself, poor baby.  It meant that I was unable to turn over easily for her to be put on my tummy.  I had to do some kind of gymnastic movement to hoik myself over whilst they passed Little Red through my legs at the same time.  I was quite disorientated from the fast birth and wasn't sure what to do with myself!  A midwife and Barry held Little Red close to my chest, skin to skin, to keep her calm till we worked out where and how I could lie down so she was finally able to reach my chest.


Daddy Barry cutting cord
Once the cord stopped pulsing, Barry cut it and I moved to the bed to feed Little Red and deliver her placenta.  It was so great, not to have to explain ourselves and our placental needs. The midwife understood our placenta plans completely and even helped do a few prints for us before putting it in their fridge to stay fresh for encapsulation.

Daddy Barry calming Millie 














Happy to be home







Meltdowns - calm and sleepy big sisters
Losing the Plot - a few times i think!
Breastfeeding - start at the very beginning....






Below is a Naked Birth Video (close up!)